Category Archives: TBKB Podcast

029 I Lisa Sharon Harper on The Very Good Gospel and Fortune

Portrait of Lisa Sharon Harper, a speaker, writer, activist, and artist. She is featured as a guest on The Beautiful Kingdom Builders podcast. Books by Harper, 'The Very Good Gospel' and 'Fortune,' are displayed in the image.
Buy Lisa Sharon Harper’s books! The Very Good Gospel and Fortune and find more resources at lisasharonharper.com

Several years ago, I read Lisa Sharon Harper’s book, The Very Good Gospel, and it rocked my world. She asked the simple question: was the evangelical gospel presentation good news to her enslaved great-great-great grandmother, who had lived a life of subjection and oppression, who had been repeatedly raped and whose children had been stolen from her, time and time again? Would hearing that she was a sinner and that God had to punish her for her sins, but Jesus took that punishment for her and if she believed that, she could go to heaven when she dies sound like good news to someone who had suffered so much in this life? And then Lisa Sharon Harper fleshed out very good news, of God’s plan of redemption and healing for all that was broken by the Fall, a vision of shalom and wholeness and peace for all of God’s creation. I highly recommend you read The Very Good Gospel!

So when Harper’s book, Fortune: How Race Broke My Family and the World–and How to Repair It All came out, I bought it immediately. But it sat on my nightstand for over a year as I worked up the nerve to be heartbroken for her family, and for all of the families that have been wrenched apart by racism in our country. It was another powerful read. Lisa Sharon Harper is a prophet of reconciliation and healing and I pray that those who have “ears to hear” will recognize that in our conversation.

In this episode, we talked about Harper’s faith background and journey to understanding justice. We talked about the biblical concept of shalom and its relevance today; about the historical roots of systemic racism in Christian theology, and how Plato and Aristotle have influenced Western theologians, leading to justification for colonization and slavery. And we talked about the biblical view of equality and justice in Paul’s writings, and the our future hope of reconciliation and new creation as Christians.

I hope you enjoy our conversation, and then be sure to follow Lisa Sharon Harper’s work and continue to learn from her.

Buy The Very Good Gospel and Fortune. Find more resources at https://lisasharonharper.com

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TRANSCRIPT:

Rev. Ruth Perry (00:17)
My guest today is Lisa Sharon Harper, who has maybe more than anyone else, impacted my own faith as someone who I’ve read and followed for a long time. And so I’m just brimming with gratitude today that you would come on my podcast. And I just want to say right out from the gate that this is something that I know about you, is that you love people.

And that your ministry is coming from a good place. You’re a good person with a massive heart. And you coming here today is just another sign of the goodness of Lisa Sharon Harper. And so I’m thrilled that you would come on today so I can introduce you to my audience.

Lisa Sharon Harper (00:53)
O my goodness. Thank you so much, Reverend Perry. I mean, it’s actually a real honor to be with you and your community today. And I am honored to be a part of your story, any part of your story. Thank you so much for reaching out and I’m excited to be in conversation with you.

Rev. Ruth Perry (01:09)
Well, I had you on to tell your story, but let me just say why you’re such a big part of my story before we start. I’m probably the evangelical church’s golden child. I couldn’t have been a better evangelical. That was how I was raised. Not in the Bible belt, but very influenced by the evangelical culture in my formation years.

I went to a Christian college, Gordon College, to study music so I could do music ministry in the church because I didn’t think women could have this kind of ministry that I have today.

Lisa Sharon Harper (01:40)
Come on.

Rev. Ruth Perry (01:41)
And while I was at Gordon College, they advertised a spring mission trip to go build a house for Habitat for Humanity. And I signed up because I thought the student leader was really cute and maybe I’d get to know him. But they had too many people sign up, so they put half of us into a mission trip to Washington, DC to learn about racial reconciliation. And I did not know that I didn’t know so many things. And I’m continuing to learn. That was 24 years ago. White evangelicals do not know a lot. And one of the

Lisa Sharon Harper (02:11)
Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:12)
biggest lessons that I learned that week was to listen better. And I learned that most white evangelicals are only listening, of the people that they are friends with and following, one percent is non-white. And so the first

Lisa Sharon Harper (02:24)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:24)
thing I did 24 years ago is I tried to diversify my algorithm. And I was just listening to all male pastors and book writers. And I started, I don’t remember exactly when I found your ministry, but I followed you and I devoured

The very good gospel in twenty sixteen. I just read Fortune this this summer.

Lisa Sharon Harper (02:48)
Good.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:48)
But The Very Good Gospel really changed my theology in profound ways.

Lisa Sharon Harper (02:52)
Mm-hmm.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:53)
And so welcome. Can you tell us, Lisa, a little bit about your faith background and I’m especially interested in hearing about where you came from and how you came to your first pilgrimage, because pilgrimage is a big part of what you do. So could we start there today?

Lisa Sharon Harper (03:07)
Well, that’s really great. First of all, I wanna say I see your Ruby Woo lipstick. Hello. Speaking of pilgrimages, we did this for those who don’t know. We used to do a pilgrimage called the Ruby Woo pilgrimage. It was a women’s empowerment pilgrimage for evangelical women. And we did three of them and they were amazing. And actually we were gonna keep it going, but then COVID happened and you know.

So but my story, I can’t start my story at myself. It has to begin with my ancestors. And the reason for that is because there’s a larger story than just my decision to follow Jesus at the altar in 1983, August 21st, around 9 30 PM at a Sunday evening camp church meeting. That’s where, white evangelicals will begin the story, right? Because that’s the date that I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

Or what I like to call the date I jumped the broom with Jesus. But if I’m honest, and also for us to appreciate that moment and what came after, we have to go back because my family is a black family in America. And we actually have a deep and long history with the Episcopal Church in America, the black Episcopal Church in America.

If you’ve read Fortune, Fortune Game McGee was born and raised in 1687 on the eastern shore of Maryland. And her family line goes in a few different directions, and one of those directions goes to two historians have traced her progeny to James Fourten, who changed his name to Fortin, we believe, when he went up north, in order to avoid slave catchers who were looking for Fortunes because they were usually escaped enslaved people. But he became one of the richest people in Philadelphia, regardless of race. He was one of the richest people in Philadelphia, and he helped to fund the abolitionist movement.

He also helped to start the black stream of the Episcopal Church, when Absalom Jones founded St. Thomas’s Episcopal African Episcopal Church here in Philadelphia, the church I now go to. And so he helped to put the seed money up for that. He was one of the founders of that church. And so our history in the Black Episcopal Church goes way back. So my mom, when she grew up, she grew up going to the Black Episcopal Church, to St. Simon’s Church, which is really just a few blocks down from where I live now, in in South Philadelphia. and that was one of the five major black Episcopal churches here in Philadelphia.

My great-grandmother went to St. Simon’s and then other black Episcopal churches. but my mom actually stopped going to church in the 1960s because she was so disillusioned. It was her job in the 60s, with SNCC, the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, to organize churches, to get churches in Philadelphia to host Stokely Carmichael when he came into town. He was the leader of SNCC at the time, Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee. And it was her job to get him pulpits to speak in. And nobody would have him speak after he spoke on black power. When he got up on the bed of that truck I think it’s Broad Street Park down in Mississippi, Money, Mississippi, near Money. And he said, We need to get us some black power. We need to be able to break any political machine that wants to come against us. White America took that as a existential threat. And the black church even in the United States at that time was not fully engaged in actually trying to stay out of trouble.

So when my mom was calling around to churches, there was only one church in all of Philadelphia that would take Stokely Carmichael and place him in the pulpit. And that I believe was the Church of the Ascension. And so my mom was disillusioned and she left the church. And really the Civil Rights Movement became her church. And so I didn’t grow up in church.

So when I found Jesus, I grew up asking the question of who is God and what is prayer and, Who’s this Jesus guy? I thought that Luke was the main man in the Bible because that is the name of the church that where I was I was baptized, Saint Luke. And we went there like every other Easter on a good year, you know. but obviously he’s not the main man. He did write one of the main texts, but he’s not the main man. And so it was in the context of a white evangelical parachurch ministry, Young Life.

And then subsequently a white evangelical little country church, Wesleyan Church in Cape May, New Jersey, where I began to go every week to the youth group and and they discipled me over the course of a year, where I began asking the question of who is Jesus? What is prayer? How do we touch God? How do we reach God? How do we communicate? And that was where I found Jesus. And I ended up walking down the aisle at a Sunday evening camp church service on August twenty first, nineteen eighty-three.

And very soon after that, was handed a tract that told me that I needed to vote for Reagan, even though I was only 14 years old, I couldn’t vote. Where am I who am I gonna vote for at 14 years old? So I got that tract and I took it home to my sister and I shared with her, you know, if Mondale wins, I think it was Mondale, We’re all gonna be rounded up into concentration camps, because that’s what the track said. Mondale is the Antichrist and he’s gonna round up all the children and put them in concentration camps. Well, you know, just come to think of it, there is a leader that we have right now that is rounding up children and putting them in concentration camps. Maybe we should think about the Antichrist in that direction. Hmm, somebody said, hm.

Rev. Ruth Perry (08:24)
Yep.

Lisa Sharon Harper (08:25)
So anyway, right. So I for a long period was deeply like yourself, deeply embedded in the white evangelical church. was in campus mostly parachurch ministries, but also the church. I mean, I went to a United Methodist church before quote before they said before they went liberal. The UMC went liberal.

And I was in Campus Crusade for Christ, back when it was called Campus Crusade for Christ in the 1980s. I was in Intervarsity in grad school and then went on staff with intervarsity in the 1990s. And so I was on staff with intervarsity for 10 years and deeply committed to that evangelical vision of the world.

I had no questions and no qualms, except that by that time I had begun to understand that this race thing is for real and we need to deal with it within the evangelical church. I had not done major reading on it. I’d only read, interestingly, evangelicals’ take on it, which obviously doesn’t give you the whole story. But it was the experience of pilgrimage in two thousand three that changed everything for me.

I had already been leading in racial reconciliation in Greater Los Angeles with Intervarsity, now on staff with them for several years. And we did a pilgrimage called The Pilgrimage for Reconciliation. And it retraced the Cherokee Trail of Tears for the first two weeks and the African experience in America for the last two weeks. We were on the road for a month. Most people don’t do that now. It was a million-dollar project, it was crazy.

And it was Intervarsity. Intervarsity did this. they made this investment because back in the 1990s they actually did get deeply invested in racial reconciliation, but they found that people were beginning to complain that it was pulling them away from the real work of Christianity, which is evangelism. And so they were trying to figure out what’s the relationship between the two. There is a relationship in scripture, and you see that most clearly in ironically, Luke.

Luke four, when Jesus shows up on the scene and it’s his inaugural address and he says, Why have I come? Here’s what I why I’ve come. And he reads from Isaiah sixty one, I have come to proclaim good news to the oppressed, to the captive, release for the captive. the blind will see and the year of the Lord’s favor, which is economic like an economic overturning. It’s where the high are brought low and those who are low are brought high. There’s an evening of the playing field economically in the Jubilee.

And so that was Jesus’s inaugural address. And so I was struck on this pilgrimage that this biblical concept of shalom incorporated that vision that we see in Luke. It held both. It held both the good news of Jesus and the reality that all things must be reconciled, not only back to God, but to each other. That the fall, the fall itself was not only a break between humanity and God, it was a break between all things. All things. And so God’s vision is not so small that he and she only imagines that only humans can be reconciled or should be reconciled to God. God’s vision is expansive. It is eternal. It is infinity. It is all things being reconciled to all things, including our relationship with God.

And and the relationship between the genders and the relationship between us and the rest of creation. No whales need to be saved. No manatee need to be saved. No elephants need to be rescued from zoos. No lions are emaciating in captivity. You hear what I’m saying? You hear what I’m saying?

Rev. Ruth Perry (12:00)
Yeah.

Lisa Sharon Harper (12:00)
And there’s no climate change because in that vision we are stewarding the wellness of all the relationships in creation and the wellness of the systems that govern us, all of us. They govern us in ways that bless all. There is no cursing on the first page of the Bible, which is where this is all grounded. And so that pilgrimage really challenged my simplistic, incredibly narrow view of the gospel that I inherited from Intervarsity and Campus Crusade, mostly Campus Crusade, that four spiritual laws, right? And it challenged it.

It blew it up. And that’s where for the next thirteen years I really wrestled in the scripture through this concept of shalom. And that’s where The Very Good Gospel was born. It was born out of that wrestling. And it was born out of me speaking on it for thirteen years in various ways. And then finally people just started in my last few years, they said, Where can I read this? Where can and I’d have to point them to like ten different books that I was getting it from.

And then finally I just heard God say, Write the book, it’s time for you to write the book. So I wrote it.

Rev. Ruth Perry (13:06)
I feel like the well, I don’t feel like the evangelical culture is individualistic and it does emphasize authority and give hierarchy to some and put others under other, you know.

Lisa Sharon Harper (13:19)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (13:20)
And so reading The Very Good Gospel was the first time that I had all of those hierarchies plateaued and recognized where is the resistance in evangelical culture to caring for the planet? Like there’s so many things in evangelical culture that are contrary when you really think about caring for God’s good creation, where we would prioritize capitalism over caring for our vulnerable and marginalized and poor.

People in my area, they had a community wide revival this every year, but this past year the speaker, was talking about false gospels and the very first one is social justice. What is the resistance in evangelical culture to breaking down these hierarchies and to living with the ethic of shalom and abundance for all. Where does that come from, Lisa?

Lisa Sharon Harper (14:06)
Okay, let’s talk.

Rev. Ruth Perry (14:07)
Yeah.

Lisa Sharon Harper (14:08)
Well, that’s a great question, and there is a very clear answer to that. Where does it come from? Randy Woodley, another mentor of mine and dear friend, theologian and practitioner, he traces it back to Plato and Aristotle. And and actually now that I’m reading a bunch of scholars for my own dis p PhD work, a lot of people are doing that. They’re tracing it back to Plato and Aristotle. they had this thing called dualism, right? So Platonic dualism. And in a dualistic worldview, things are either/or. They are light or dark, they are good or evil, they are either or. There’s not gradations, there’s not story. and there’s not nuance.

Rev. Ruth Perry (14:45)
Nuance, complexity, yeah.

Lisa Sharon Harper (14:48)
There’s not flesh, it’s not human, it’s actually a very mechanized, a mechanized worldview. And so the way that dualism has worked, and what Randy talks about is that once you have a worldview where things are either or, and that is your central worldview, and you then apply that to all kinds of things, including the body and the spirit, right?

So there’s either body or spirit. There’s not gradations and there’s not nuance and there’s there’s not and and then you add to that Aristotle’s hierarchies of human belonging, where Aristotle was actually Plato’s student and his accolate. And ten years after Plato wrote The Republic, Aristotle writes on politics, which is actually a compilation of his various lectures right and and writings. But politics he actually says explicitly if you have been conquered you have proven that you were created to be enslaved.

He literally says this. So he is the one who takes that dualistic worldview and puts it on steroids and then begins to bifurcate humanity. Because before that, they were saying, well, humans are above the animals and da-da-da. But now you have some humans are above other humans, right? So the civilized are above the barbarians, right? That was what Aristotle was thinking. That’s the worldview.

They didn’t have a white-black worldview yet. That was the enlightenment period. But then you get down to the enlightenment period and they’re taking that thinking forward, and that’s where you get the Doctrine of Discovery, is in that period, right? So the quote enlightenment period is also from the perspective of those who were conquered in that time, it was the age of conquest, not the age of discovery. It was the age of conquest. And there were ways that the church was complicit in that, the doctrine of discovery.

comes from the church. It actually is founded in the Catholic Church that declared that taking the logic of Aristotle that gave permission for explorers who went out all over the world and discovered land, right, that had uncivilized, unchristian people on it, okay, you can go and take that land and you can enslave the people according to Aristotle. Not according to scripture. According to Aristotle.

And now you get scripture interpreted through the framework of Aristotle. And then you have to ask, all right, what is the authority here? What is the authority that that Pope, Pope Nicholas V, right? What’s the authority he was resting on? Well, he was resting on the authority of Aristotle in order to interpret the Scripture in a certain way, but you can’t when you just look at the basic makeup of that scripture, you can’t do that. Genesis was written by recently enslaved people.

You’re not going to get a justification for slavery from recently enslaved people. Jesus comes from a lineage of serially enslaved people. At the time that Jesus was born, the year that Jesus was born, 500 people were crucified per day, when a centurion marched through the Northern Galilee territory and cru s basically squashed an attempted uprising against Caesar because they were being occupied. So this general crucified five hundred people per day. Five hundred.

So that was happening the year Jesus was born because people were trying to rise up against the oppression, the imperial opp impression against them. And that comes down, it trickles down. Our lead authority then becomes secular philosophy, not actually the scripture, and certainly not Jesus, who proclaimed in Luke 4, this is why I came. And so now we’re interpreting Jesus through the lens of Aristotle, through the lens of of of Romanized Paul.

Right, who actually goes through his own, we see him go through kind of a conversion over the course of his life in terms of who he says is in and who’s out, right? So why does the church so complicit in it? Because the church is all up in it for like the last six hundred years. The church has been all up in it.

Rev. Ruth Perry (18:56)
Yeah. And I hear a lot of fear mongering because now I’ve moved to the South and I live in the Bible Belt. I think it’s nine years this month. Eight years ago I came to a Red Letter Christian revival that you came and spoke at and you prayed for me because I was having a hard time adjusting to living in this area where there’s a lot of Christianity but a lot of blindness. It seems to be, what’s the word? Like intentional blindness.

Lisa Sharon Harper (19:24)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (19:24)
We’re in a community that has black neighbors. But how well do we know their story of being here in this town?

Lisa Sharon Harper (19:32)
Well, I think when you move it forward into the American context, particularly the American South. I did some research recently in the course of you know PhD studies on the history of the Southern Baptist Church. I’m no Southern Baptist Church scholar, but it doesn’t take much to do some basic history. And Reverend Richard Furman was the Southern Charleston Baptist Church, the first Baptist Church in Charleston, back in the 1840s. No, 1820s, 1821, 22, when Denmark VC attempted an insurrection. And it was going to be one of the largest rebellions in the South up to that point. There had actually, up to that point, been like a thousand possible attempted rebellions and rebellions across the South from the 1700s forward. This was not an unusual thing.

But Denmark VC was highly organized and he was going to have a major uprising. And it was squashed because someone, another black person actually ratted him out. And so he was beheaded along with the people who were rising up with him, and their heads were put on stakes all over South Carolina. And Richard Furman, the pastor, he went against the tide at the time. The tide at the time, in light of of DeMarc VC’s attempted insurrection, was to say, maybe we need to incrementally do away with this slavery thing. That was literally what people in South Carolina were saying. Maybe we shouldn’t have this anymore. Maybe we need to, you know, do away with this. Richard Furman, who had seven slaves of his own, he rose up and said, No, we need to entrench it further. We need to get more heinous with them.

Of course, he didn’t use that word, and he is actually one of the people who actually created the more heinous slave codes that came out as a result of that. And he gave the theological biblical exegesis or the argument support or apologetic for slavery. He gave that. And that ended up being the same apologetic that they then used during the Jim Crow era. So that one pastor gave america about about 150 years of evil. And it was only about 20 years that he convened the very first convention of the Baptist Church in the South, there in South Carolina.

And of course the Southern Baptist denomination was born about twenty years later, when the Northern Baptists were now saying, Well, wait a minute, we shouldn’t have this slavery thing and and no, you can’t send missionaries overseas if they hold slaves. And the Southern Baptists, armed with Furman’s theology said yes we can and so they broke off from the Baptists and actually in that period every single denomination in the country, every denomination experienced a split along the lines of slavery. Every denomination did and so when people say well they were just a person of their era no they weren’t they made a choice.

Because there were a good number of people who actually were not for it because of their faith. and the abolitionist movement, headed like spearheaded by the black church, was among them, right? So was leading that charge and and they understood clearly that you cannot you cannot enslave another human being you cannot subjugate the image of God on earth and then claim to follow God. You just can’t do that. So, how do we have what we have today? Richard Furman created this apologetic for slavery. And who did that benefit?

Who does that? It benefits the slaveholder. It benefits the slaveholder’s bank account. That’s what it benefited. They got to have free labor and justify it. And they didn’t only have free labor, they created slave farms. I mean they dug into, they got blood on their teeth for the depth of evil that they participated in. And they did it through the cover that they got from their theological apologetic for slavery. And with blood dripping from their mouths, they then went and preached the gospel in church. They never repented for that.

They went to war to protect it and lost. And then once the 13th, 14th, 15th Amendments were passed, they began to understand, you know, there’s consequences for what we’ve done. But then once the compromise of 1876-77 happens, what do they do? They bring back out Richard Furman’s theology.

And they used that as the theological cover for Jim Crow, which literally just continued the culture of the plantation, the white men walking into the homes of black men and and and black families and literally in front of the children and the husbands raping the wives at will. Stringing up and lynching nearly six thousand people over the course of ninety years, not even a hundred years. Six thousand people.

With impunity because it was the theology was so pervasive across the South that it permeated into the judicial system, into the policing, I mean police was actually created in order to entrench it. Right? So how do we have what we have right now? Like how is the church, especially in the South, willfully ignorant because they are doing what they’ve always done. They are spinning the story.

They have spun the story. They have omitted their evil. Why is it that most white people in Tulsa, Oklahoma have no idea that the Tulsa massacre ever happened? Because they were not taught it. They went silent on this day or several days when they went blood dripping from their mouths. And they never told their children that they did that. Now their children don’t know. And they’ve only picked up their politics and so they’re, you know, dedicated Republicans.

Rev. Ruth Perry (25:14)
And more upset about having to take down Confederate statues and the Confederate flag and more upset about transgender people. There’s so many inconsequential

Lisa Sharon Harper (25:22)
So stupid. Stupid stuff.

Rev. Ruth Perry (25:24)
things that they just stay angry about

Lisa Sharon Harper (25:26)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (25:26)
so that they don’t have to face the truth. But the truth sets us free.

Lisa Sharon Harper (25:29)
Exactly. It’s like, why? What is it? Like, why can’t people just say, We were so wrong. We were just so wrong. And that’s okay. We’re not lesser human beings because we were wrong. We were just wrong. And we did wrong. And now, you know, things need to change.

I mean this is I think this is literally the big question of the day. But here’s what I think about that. I think that the reason why it is so hard for white Christians to face slavery, like really face it, what it really was, and the reality of it is because repentance is a small death. You know, I talk about that in The Very Good Gospel. It’s a small form of death. It’s death to self. It’s death to the rightness of the self. it’s death to ego. It’s it’s death to the vision of dominance.

And if you believe, which I do believe this this is a core belief of people of European descent, and I say that specifically European descent because i it’s not held within indigenous peoples around the world. But a core belief of people of European descent is that to be well you must dominate. And I think that comes from Aristotle, Plato.

Dualistic thinking, either/or winner/loser thinking. You know, everybody’s trying to figure out we how do we dig our way out of this? I really do believe the answer is in our faith. It is repentance, it is confession of the truth. And by repentance what I mean is not just saying I’m sorry, but to literally give reparations, to repair what was broken, to repair the imbalance of power, to share power.

But I think that there is this fundamental belief in people of European descent that power cannot be shared, that either you will dominate or you will be dominated. Because that was the experience in Europe for millennia, right? Like they literally did go for millennia, multiple millennia, dominating each other. That was the thing. But there are people groups, there are regions of the world like where domination was not necessarily the thing. It wasn’t the goal. It wasn’t it was just to live and to live in harmony actually. Again, that’s something that I learned from my mentor and friend, Randy Woodley, that the ethic of indigenous people is actually harmony. It’s not winning. It’s harmony. And so we can all learn from that. And by indigenous I don’t just mean

Native American, I mean people who are indigenous to their land all over the world. I mean the Sami people up in northern Europe, and the Celtic people, and people of every African nation, the Aeroba, the Igbo. I mean, these are ethics that are held almost nearly universally within indigenous peoples. And it is when you break the relationship with land, when you leave your land in order to go out and dominate the other, that’s when that is broken and that’s what Europe did. That’s why you I think Europe has a unique responsibility for people of European descent have a unique responsibility for the ethic of domination that permeates our world today. Because y’all won. You won.

Rev. Ruth Perry (28:43)
Yeah.

Lisa Sharon Harper (28:44)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (28:44)
So good theology restores and reconciles and leads to abundance and healing and beautiful things? the fruit of poor theology is bad. And we can see the fruit. Today we see it in the concentration camps and the people being unlawfully detained and held and people dying in our streets, and we see it in USAID being cut and millions of people that are gonna die from that, and the Palestinians that have been genocided, and I mean there’s so many examples of ways that poor theology has led to death and destruction. And the

Lisa Sharon Harper (29:16)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (29:16)
fruit is there to see if you can be open to seeing it and experiencing that death of repentance. Can you make a biblical case for Shalom and this theological framework of abundance and no hierarchies and all of The Very Good Gospel. Yeah.

Lisa Sharon Harper (29:31)
Yeah. Talk about The Very Good Gospel. I mean, here’s the thing is that, you know, one of what I’ve learned about Shalom is that as I talked about earlier, we were created for overwhelmingly good relationship and relatedness between all things. That’s what we were created for. And that meant that there was blessing and no cursing. And I believe that the scripture in the first chapter of Genesis is through an epic poem explaining to us what we were created for and how we were created to be in relationship with each other.

And we get another account of creation in Genesis two. It’s much more intimate. It’s God’s hands and the muck, right? It’s, you know, literally God creating human from the earth. And and we see a much more detailed, it’s not epic poetry anymore now, it’s story. And in that story, we see that the climax of the story is actually the flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone, and the first creation of community on Earth, which is Ish and Isha, and that the human now has community and we are bound to each other.

And then you see the fall. And in the fall, what happens is that each of those relationships that God had just declared overwhelmingly good, a chapter and a verse ago in chapter one are all torn down. That’s the fall. They fall down. Those relationships fall down. And they fall one by one, starting with the relationship between us and ourselves, when we run and we hide from God, that’s shame entering into the world and and our relationship with God falls in that same moment, you know, when we’re hiding from God. And then our relationship between the genders just crashes to the ground when the man points at the woman and says, She made me do it, right? And now the woman is going to yearn for her husband, even though being with her husband is going to make her come to near death and and death in some cases in childbirth, right?

And even after having that child and suffering all of that pain, she will forget the pain and still go back to her husband and have to have pain all over again. This is the fall. This is the natural consequence of when we come out from under the covering of God. When we come out from under the call to steward the overwhelming wellness of all the relationships on earth. And how did we do that? We didn’t listen to God.

God said, don’t eat of the fruit of this tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And I don’t necessarily think that this is something that happened in history. When I now read the scholars, they actually believe that there’s lots of different understandings of what that means and what were they trying to communicate? But one thing I do know is they were trying to communicate truth.

So it may not be fact the way we understand fact and history today. History didn’t exist back then. History is again an Enlightenment era discipline, the way we understand it today, the recording of things that happened as they happened, through you know a particular lens. But back then they were not trying to record what happened, they were trying to share truth.

That was the goal of these texts and the moment of telling the stories and songs and the poems. And so the question I’m asking then is what is the truth that is being communicated through that Genesis 2 and Genesis 3 account? Well, the truth that is communicated is that God is God and we are not. That we are created in relationship with God and each other and the earth.

And that that relationship is broken when we grab at our own peace at the expense of the others. When God said, don’t eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, that knowledge was not just head knowledge. It’s literally kinetic in the body knowledge, experiential knowledge. So then I’m asking, how are they experiencing evil? How are they experiencing good and evil? Well, they’re experiencing it by not trusting God. First and foremost.

When God said, Don’t eat of the tree, that that command in itself gave them an opportunity to trust God and not eat of the tree or not trust God and eat of the tree. They chose not to trust God, and that broke relationship with God. And you can’t have shalom without God.

Because God is the author of Shalom. So after that, the natural consequence when we don’t trust God and God’s way to peace is that we lose peace. ‘Cause all that we can get for ourselves is broken peace because we are not God. So that’s when we see all of those relationships fall, and it’s like a snowball that grows like a becomes an avalanche, right? And it starts with that shame entering the world, but it ends with colonization and imperialism just fourteen chapters later.

Right, so you go from shame entering the world in chapter three to the relationship between humanity and creation and men and women and the agenders breaks and and then death enters the world and we’re driven from the garden and then the relationship between families breaks because of you. By the way, they are named Adornment and Shadow. So right there and it’s amazing, right? In Genesis 4, this is like what page 4

Rev. Ruth Perry (34:28)
man. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Lisa Sharon Harper (34:32)
of the Bible, patriarchy enters the world. And it’s a break. It’s so far from naked and unashamed and clinging to one another. Now you have adornment and shadow.

on the fourth page of the Bible. And that is not God’s prescription for goodness. That is the consequence of grabbing peace in our own way. And then you see the Tower of Babel and the confusion of languages, which leads to ethnic enmity. And just a couple of chapters later leads to colonization. One king trying to exact his will over several smaller kings. And that’s where you get the first mention of the word war.

First mention of war. You know, fourteen chapters after Tov Meod, very good. So Shalom, the biblical concept of Shalom is grounded in that first chapter and second chapter of Genesis, where we see what overwhelmingly good related in relationship looks like. And it is restored to us when we follow God and God’s way. It’s the ethic, it’s how we live in the world together. It’s whether we are living our lives in ways that mend the broken relationships rather than capitalizing on them.

Rev. Ruth Perry (35:45)
It’s so powerful. I’m just thinking about the journey you went on as you wrote Fortune and

Lisa Sharon Harper (35:47)
Fortunate. Yeah. Yep.

Rev. Ruth Perry (35:51)
looked into your family’s history here in America and in the South, and all the ways that the world was designed and the systems were constructed to keep those relationships broken and to keep people under oppression. What was the spiritual and emotional impact of that journey for you.

Lisa Sharon Harper (36:10)
My goodness. I have to tell you, it was incredibly hard to write that book. I mean, it was incredibly hard for multiple reasons. Number one, it took thirty years of research. and I did not start the research thinking I was gonna write a book. I was really started the research as a black woman just trying to figure out who am I. I didn’t know the names of my great grandparents, except for one. I knew the name of one great grandparent and met her, like knew her as a as a child. but didn’t know anything beyond that.

So started the research with my mom. My mom actually is the one who went to the National Archives and was searching for this person and that person. And then in the early 2000s, I started to join her in that effort and started asking questions in the early 90s, but really joined her as an as a genealogist for our family in the in the early 2000s. And I was just boom, like I was overtaken by, wow, this is incredible. You know, a Gen Xer, I am the first generation to be able to know where we come from as African Americans because of DNA. Like that is a science that my mom did not have, my grandmother did not have. They did not know that we come from the Yoruba people and the house of people of Nigeria. When you trace it back through my matrilineal line, my mom’s mom’s mom, going back a thousand years, that’s where we were. We were with The House of People in northern Nigeria. We were with the Yoruba people in southwestern Nigeria.

Like when I first did my DNA and and it came back, obviously the thing that’s a little bit ironic about the whole DNA thing is that that technology is advancing all the time. It’s getting better and better and better and crisper and crisper. And so, the DNA story that shows up in our little pie charts when you when you send away for it and it comes back, it it changes. It gets more and more detailed and and even corrected over time. But I’ll never forget the first day that I got mine. I got it and I wept because it was clear to me in my body.

In fact, I don’t think it was only me that was weeping. I think it was all the ancestors who make up me, who literally, literally are me. My DNA is their DNA. I think they wept with me in that moment because it was a deep, deep weeping, because it was the first time that we knew where we were from. There is a healing work that comes when you are able to be grounded on land, know what land you are from. Because in that you don’t only know the land, you know the story, you know part of your people’s story. So I don’t know the ancestors’ names that came over. I haven’t d deep enough research like, you know, Alex Haley to go back and find my Kunta Kente.

But I do know Hannah Reynolds is the farthest back I can go on my mom’s, mom’s, mom’s matrilineal line. And so her ancestors stretch back to the Yoruba and Hausa people. I do know what happened to Nigerians. And to the Senegalese, which are also mixed up in my in my DNA, that Sambo Game, Fortune’s father, was from Senegal and it shows in a DNA. There are several people in our line that were Senegalese.

So that’s a story. That’s actually a traceable story. I can learn what happened to the Senegalese. I can learn, what ships they were brought over on. We actually know that now.

And so without knowing their names and their micro stories, I can know the macro story of what happened to my people. And that grounds me. That can ground me. Because until then, and let me just say this is really important, until I had that story, my experience of being a black person in America is very similar, interestingly, in this way to being a white person. That my

value, my purpose is only defined then by my blackness or your whiteness. And whiteness and blackness were created in order to define who has power and who doesn’t. Who has the power to own land and who doesn’t? Who has the power? Who has the right not to be enslaved and who doesn’t?

Who has the right to vote and who doesn’t? Like who has the ability to exercise agency in the world and who doesn’t? And theologically then speaking, who is human and who isn’t? Because what it means to be human is to exercise agency. To exercise dominion in the world. That’s agency. And so as a black woman who wasn’t able to trace my family.

I then needed to prove my worth. I needed to prove my worth based on what I could produce. Because that was how black worth was delineated in a black-white construct. In the antebellum South and in the Jim Crow era, we became as valuable as we could produce. You could produce less, you are less valuable. Literally, you take less money in the trade.

And so to be a valuable black person, I needed to be able produce my bales of cotton per se, right? And for people of European descent, being named white meant that you were placed automatically by virtue of the color of your skin and your ancestry in Europe. Particularly northern Europe.

That you were dubbed of the noble class. In other words, you got the opportunity to become a member of the noble class based on how much money you could gather, how much money you could accumulate. And the way to do that here was by owning enslaved people, right? That was the explicit, like explicit understanding. And so.

The question of whether or not you are a worthy white person. Whether you’re living into your whiteness, living up to your whiteness, or are you a failure as a white person? You know? I think a lot of the people who were out there on the mall on January 6th in 2021 are people who have failed at whiteness.

Right? They are not the ruling class. And they resent that. And they are looking at the other to say, you’re the reason why I’m not the ruling class. I need to subjugate you so that I can rise. Because that’s the logic of domination that permeated Europe. And so when I was writing Fortune, it was hard to write because one, it’s hard to actually have access to these ancient histories, these ancient in our terms in America, hundreds of years, especially for black people. And so I had to find ways to get around that by legitimately studying the meta histories in order to understand at least the circumstances within which my ancestors lived. But it also was really hard the closer I got to my generations because the facts are there and you actually know what happened. And now I as a writer, in order to communicate them clearly to you, I almost have to relive them.

And so it was incredibly painful. It was just an incredibly painful time. I’ll never forget. I’ll never forget. And actually this is ironic ’cause it’s the first chapter. It’s not a latter chapter. And the first chapter as I was researching for it. I’ll never forget the moment when I was doing the research on Fortune and Sarah and their families and how Fortune had several daughters that were also indentured.

And so did Sarah. One of her daughters, she was indentured, and she had children who were also indentured. And it’s like, what’s there happening? Because the law didn’t say that that indentured servitude was supposed to be generational like that. The law was very specific. You’re indentured if you are a servant and you have sex outside of marriage with somebody and you have a child in your indenture. Then you are indentured for a further three to seven years and your children are indentured for XYZ time. And this shifted over the first maybe first decade of these laws being passed around 1700. But it eventually shook out to say that if the father was white then your child would be indentured for twenty one years. And if the father was black, like if if a servant got it on with a a black enslaved man, then her children would be indentured for thirty one years, right? And I started doing the math on

Fortune’s children and how long they were indentured, and then Sarah’s children and how long they were indentured, because they actually do turn up free eventually, right? And it’s like twenty-one years. Twenty one. Which meant they were being raped regularly by their indenturers in order to gain free labor for another twenty one years for the family.

So they were generationally raping and impregnating each generation. And I when I saw that, because I was like, why is Sarah surrounded by women and there are no men in her picture? Like, why is there never a husband? And she was taken to court to be indentured, and her children were also taken to court in each generation to be indentured. And

why are there never any men? Is she in a brothel? Like I really was like, what’s going on here? And then I just started really no, no, no, she’s not in a brothel. She is in like really distinguished homes. Like the Fuchs family on the eastern shore of Maryland. They were gentry class. Like they were literally with William the Conqueror back at the time ten sixty-six, when he came they were at his right hand at that point.

They were indenturing Sarah. Right? Then she has children and they are indentured for twenty one years.

And the DNA. I traced it like when you could do this, you can’t do this now. They actually stopped this right around the time I was doing my research. They connected us DNA wise to the Fuchs family. Like I had Fuchs DNA in me. And that’s when I realized, my God. Well now they capped it. You can only go back five generations now. Right. They won’t let you see beyond five generations of your DNA. Who does that benefit?

Who does that benefit? So it was emotionally difficult to do the research. But I just felt and knew this is necessary because you have to know the truth to tell the truth. You’ve gotta seek the truth to know the truth. So I had to keep going. And I’m glad I did. And what I found in that research was that the remedy

Is right there in the center of our faith. It is the resurrection, it is the cross, it is Jesus who gives us the power to reverse the fall. Jesus conquered death. Jesus began to reverse the relationships between men and women. And we see that even in Paul’s epistles, who in some cases is saying, Don’t let women speak, but actually, in most cases, he is

lifting up and championing the women who are in the ministry, naming them first between their husbands and it like the women were the leaders, actually. you know, he names Junia, who is an apostle, he names her as an apostle, a woman. What does that mean? It means that she was leading the church an entire city. Like that’s that is a reversal of Lamak with his two wives.

Right? We see Paul again, pushed by his faith in this Jesus, this this brown colonized man who beat death, he then writes to an enslaver telling him to free his slave because his slave Philemon is now equal.

He says in Galatians that if you have been baptized in Christ, there is no longer slave or free, male or female, Jew or Greek. In other words, your lens that empire has given you, really, the lens of dualism, the lens of either or, the lens of domination, it gets washed in the water of baptism. It gets washed away. And all you you see when you come up is the image of God, the call of each and every person to exercise stewardship of the world, to be able to exercise agency in the world. And that means that slavery must go. That means that subjugation must end. That means there is no longer Jew or Greek. There is no longer slave or free. There is no longer male or female. And that doesn’t mean that these people don’t exist. It means that the logics of domination do not exist within the kingdom of God. So you cannot be a citizen in the kingdom of God and operate according to the logics of domination.

You just can’t.

Rev. Ruth Perry (48:02)
And our hope is that Jesus is going to return and we’re gonna live in a new creation where all of the divisions have been healed and everything that the fall broke is going to be restored. And so we can get on board now in that ministry

Lisa Sharon Harper (48:15)
Come on.

Rev. Ruth Perry (48:16)
of reconciliation. Why wait? You know, this is what we look forward to. We don’t want to be at enmity with our neighbors. We want to love them and want for them what God wants for them.

Lisa Sharon Harper (48:24)
And let me just say, we don’t want to be at enmity with God.

Rev. Ruth Perry (48:27)
No.

Lisa Sharon Harper (48:27)
You don’t want to be at war with God. Because when you participate in the subjugation of the image of God on earth, you are actually waging war against the kingdom of God on earth. Because the image of the king in ancient times was a marker of where the king rules. And the image of God is in each of us.

So when you subjugate another human being, you are subjugating the image of God. I think that’s how God sees it. I think God understands that you are waging war against God. So what is it going to take then for us to lay down our arms against God? I think it’s gonna take repentance. It’s gonna take baptism.

Rev. Ruth Perry (49:05)
I think that’s where we need to end today. I want people to sit with that or reflect on that. I want people to read Fortune and The Very Good Gospel

Lisa Sharon Harper (49:10)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (49:14)
and to follow you. Where’s the best way to follow you, Lisa?

Lisa Sharon Harper (49:17)
The best way to follow is on Substack.

Rev. Ruth Perry (49:19)
Okay.

Lisa Sharon Harper (49:20)
Now Substack will get you linked to everything else, right? So my Instagram page is also a great place to be. And also of course Facebook, all the socials, LinkedIn, all the rest. But Substack is where you’re gonna find my writing. It’s where you’re gonna find out about things that are happening and offers and so Substack at Lisa Sharon Harper and you’ll find everything you need there.

Rev. Ruth Perry (49:39)
Thank you so much for coming on my podcast and sharing such an important and powerful message today. God bless.

Lisa Sharon Harper (49:45)
God bless you. Thank you.


Did you enjoy this episode? Please subscribe, rate or review us on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Substack, and more! Your support means the world. God bless!

028 I Detra Thomas on Reclaiming Identity: A Journey from Patriarchal Faith to Personal Freedom

When Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York released a fifteen-part series telling Detra’s story in 2022, I was riveted. I kept refreshing HONY, cried tears of empathy and recognition, and couldn’t stop thinking about Detra long afterward. So I was delighted when she accepted my invitation to TBKB podcast to share her story with you.

In this episode, Detra Thomas shares her powerful journey of escaping a patriarchal, abusive marriage rooted in religious conditioning. Her story highlights the importance of faith, resilience, and finding one’s true foundation in God. If you’ve wondered how common The Pastor’s Wife story is, take it from Detra: she hears from women who have walked the same horrible path all the time. Patriarchal religion is DANGEROUS for women and children. The fruit is rotten and the tree needs to be removed from the roots up.

Visit detrasstory.com to read HONY’s series on Detra, and purchase her signature cigars! And be sure to follow Detra on Instagram as well.

Please enjoy this episode of The Beautiful Kingdom Builders podcast on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Substack, and more! 

TRANSCRIPT:

Rev. Ruth Perry (00:15)
My guest today is Detra Denise. She was featured by Brandon Stanton on Humans of New York four years ago. And I remember the day that your story was published, I kept refreshing Humans of New York and I was so impatient. I was spellbound by your story and just really astounded and amazed by it. And so I’m so thrilled that you would come on my podcast, Detra, today. Thank you so much for being here.

Detra Thomas (00:40)
Thank you for having me and thank you for reading the story. You’re not the first person that has said they kept hitting the refresh button and it always kind of makes me giggle inside because I always wondered if it’s the runaway pastor’s wife smoking a cigar in Harlem or just exactly what it was. and it wasn’t until he let me read the story like two or three days before it came out and I sat down and read it and I was bawling by the time I was done. And he was like, is it that bad? And I said, No, I had no idea I had done all that. because when you’re living it day to day, you’re just trying to get through. And so his story really gave me a perspective of, hey, I’ve been hard at work here, and I’ve been doing some good things. Yeah, I was tired and didn’t know if I was gonna make it, all that, but yeah, his story really helped me. But I always get tickled when people say, I was hitting the refresh button over and over and over just to see what was gonna happen next.

Rev. Ruth Perry (01:33)
It spoke to me on multiple levels, but I related to your story as a pastor’s daughter myself in the Baptist faith, a different denomination but similar backgrounds. And I related to a lot of the influences that you mentioned. And it related to me just the whole process of undoing patriarchal faith and building your own identity from scratch. And so I think a lot of people that follow my Facebook page and my blog and now my podcast have a similar background where they’re coming from a patriarchal faith and they’re reckoning with the damage of that and trying to heal from it. And I think sharing our stories is so important. So can you take us back to the beginning to Little Detra? And where did you

Detra Thomas (02:16)
Ha ha.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:17)
grow up and what was your faith background and your childhood like?

Detra Thomas (02:21)
I was born in Arkansas and that’s where I lived until a little bit after I got married. We lived in Memphis, Tennessee, three and a half years, which is just right there by Arkansas. But Arkansas was where I was born and raised. And I’m the oldest of four children. My dad was a pastor, mom was stay at home. She worked very hard. She worked diligently to clothe us and feed us because, there wasn’t much money and she was as I got older and she began to teach me, my mother was incredible at finding deals. My favorite sweater came from Salvation Army. She paid a quarter for it. It was absolutely beautiful. But my mom wasn’t just trying to find an article of clothing to put on my body. She was trying to find something that complimented me. And she had that eye. So, I didn’t realize how poor we were till much later in life.

But I grew up in the church. I when I was fourteen, my dad assigned me a class to teach. He assigned me a bus route. I was, I would go type the letters to the visitors. I I would drive him on visitation, I would drive him to visit the hospitals. He hated being alone. He’s he is a narcissist. So that’s how I grew up was, in ministry. I had every church members’ phone number memorized, he’d snap, Detra, get so and so on the phone. I would call the number, usually the wife would answer and I’d say, hey, so and so. Daddy wants to talk to brother so and so, hand the phone.

And I remember when I went to college and I came back home after a few weeks, and I have a sister and two brothers under me, and he said, I really miss you. He said, I tried to get my sister to call somebody and she goes, Well, what is the number? And he goes, Well, it’s two four seven two what? Two what? And he just said, I’m just doing it myself. So I had that ability, so I was very involved in church work and loved it.

Went to college at a little bitty tiny Christian college and had a full scholarship to sing. And we practiced. We would show up a week before college and spend eight to ten hours a day rehearsing. And then we traveled in a van around Arkansas and some Texas, states that kinda touched and were close. We would travel every weekend.

So I carried 18 to 20 hours while doing 78 concerts a year. Plus, because I was so poor, I worked in the student center. So I was very, very occupied and still was in full-time ministry, even though I’m in college, it’s full-time ministry. And married a guy from that college. And what was interesting is all of our parents had gone to that college. So our moms and dads knew each other, his dad was a pastor.

So I just perpetrated the life I had had, and I was born to a man who pastored in the Baptist Missionary Association of America, the BMA of A, BMAA, but he was an independent Baptist at heart. So he would go to all the independent Baptist conferences, like Jack Hiles. and that was the mentality he had, authoritarian. So I’m a firstborn. Firstborns relate to authority. So I didn’t have any trouble with this, and just fingers were snapped and I did and jumped how high and that’s how I was raised.

So my mom and dad, when I was 10 years old, went to IBLP, Bill Gothard’s Seminar, Institute and Basic Life Principles. So I was raised under that. And even though for the scandal that that is, the horror that is, there are some nuggets of good things in there. And I managed to take some of those good things, that have helped me in my life. There are some horrible things.

So that’s how I was raised. A woman is born for the man, whether it’s her dad to be under his authority and do what he says, and then the man she marries, and I can’t do anything unless I have their permission and blessing. So it was that’s all I knew.

Rev. Ruth Perry (05:57)
So you had a deep purpose and meaning in your ministry of the church. And you love the church from an early age. And it sounds like you’re a real go-getter and a overachiever and a overperformer. And that’s the kind of personality of someone that attracts a narcissist, I think. They’re looking for those real bright lights that have so much to offer the world. But what did you want to be? When you went to college, what were you dreaming for your future?

Detra Thomas (06:23)
My plans were to go back and teach at this little Poduk ACE school, and and in fact, my third year, the the pastor of that church and the principal of that little school showed up at my college. I didn’t even know they knew where I was, to say, Detra, hey, we’re waiting on you. And I had just gotten engaged. I said, Well, I’m getting married. So that was my plan. I had no aspirations because I was told I couldn’t have any.

Rev. Ruth Perry (06:47)
Yeah.

Detra Thomas (06:47)
Anyway, that was it.

Rev. Ruth Perry (06:48)
So what was the courtship like with your husband?

Detra Thomas (06:51)
When I went to college my dad told me I could never be alone by myself with a guy. So there was no dating. and courtship wise, I mean he just came to me and a he well actually called my dad one summer and asked if if he could date me and my dad said, Well you’ll have to ask her.

And he knew that I couldn’t single date. And I worked in the student center. He’d already graduated. So he would bring chips and dip, and he’s a little black and white TV. We’d sit in the student center, eat chips and dip, watch TV and me taking care of people. And that was kind of our courtship, that there wasn’t any dating. There wasn’t any.

Rev. Ruth Perry (07:23)
And then how long between meeting him and getting married?

Detra Thomas (07:26)
I met him my freshman year. Well I met him actually on senior day in April of seventy-eight. And then we got married in eighty-one. So he was in his third year when I entered. And he finished college, went on to be on staff at a church. I got married after my third year. And then I took my last year. It took me two years to finish that last year, but three years.

Rev. Ruth Perry (07:49)
So you get married and how quickly does the mask fall?

Detra Thomas (07:53)
In three weeks I wanted it out. It didn’t take long. And I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. All I knew is everything in me was screaming. Everything in me was wanting to run. Everything in me was just like something. This isn’t right. The sentence I kept saying in my head is this isn’t what I signed up for.

And as I tell the story, I put my laundry basket on my hip. He’d come home for lunch, he went back to the church and I went to the central area to do laundry in our apartment division. And I was just I was like, God, I gotta figure out what to do ’cause, this is bad. I can’t handle it. And as I just pondered it out and focused on that entirely.

I just could, remember my dad telling me over and over, when you get married, you gotta marry somebody who can conquer you because you’re too strong. And I was a firstborn. I would ask questions. I never rebelled a day in my life, but when you’ve got a bullshit meter in you and you kind of cock your head and you’re like, something’s not right, and you just out of curiosity, not trying to be judgmental or critical, you ask a question. These type of men don’t like that.

And so that’s how I was raised. I couldn’t call my dad because he had told me I had to be conquered. And I believed every word that came out of my dad’s mouth. I haven’t spoken to my dad in eleven years, but I can tell you, I love my dad. I’m not mad at my dad. My dad is just who he is. And I’m not gonna be around who he is and what he does to me when I’m in his presence. So

And then, the week before I married, my mom told me, Hey, marriage is forever. And just so you know that if there’s trouble between the two of you, we’ll take him, but we won’t take you. And so I knew there was no reason to call for them to come get me. So, in my little worldview and praying about that, when I put everything together, the problem was me because scripture talks about submitting. And I realized, okay.

I just need to submit and be his wife, not a wife. He seemed to have some little nuances that were interesting. And I just thought I need to submit and be his wife. And so for 32 and a half years, that’s what I did. I gave it my all. I loved this man. I loved being his wife.

If you do a study on personalities and strength and weaknesses, we were almost 100% a perfect blend. My strengths were his weaknesses, his strengths were my weaknesses. And we were a great blend. We worked well together. We produced great things together. And I loved him. I loved the work in the church. I loved him.

The problem was in his mind there was never anybody but him. And when he would plan things, like at the church, he would plan things. He would just say, This is what we’re gonna do. And I said, Well, who’s gonna do that? Well, I don’t know. And I can remember one fourth of July, he decided that he wanted red, white, and blue bunting hung between all the columns in the church and the auditorium.

And I was like, well, and because I still wanted to make him a success, I said, well, let’s go to Walmart and buy the fabric. And on Saturday, I don’t remember, probably I made 10 buntings that were probably eight foot long apiece, and got the fabric cut, sewn together, and then he hung them. But that’s what I did because I loved him, and he was a creative. He had the ventriloquist puppets. He was a singer. He could play instruments. I felt so favored to be married to a man that creative. I didn’t know I was creative. I didn’t know I was talented. Because from a young age, my daddy snapped his fingers and said, Sing a special, play the piano, teach a class, run the bus route. It was what was in aid in me. I didn’t nobody ever told me I did a good job.

I did not know. So I assumed I was very favored to be married to this man and help him achieve what he would mouth but had no intentions of ever doing, if it wasn’t for me.

Rev. Ruth Perry (11:32)
I think that it’s so sad that you could have had a really beautiful marriage, but because of your theology and the theology that you grew up in, the culture that you both grew up in, it conditioned you to have this dynamic instead of a healthy dynamic. Not just that you were conditioned when men snapped their fingers that you would jump and ask how high, that was your training that you received, and that’s how you functioned. But then your husband was also conditioned in the same culture where men got to snap their fingers and got to expect people to jump.

Detra Thomas (12:03)
He was. Now his dad was totally different. The dynamic in his home was different. His mom was a school teacher, so she had a job outside of the home. They had a TV, we didn’t have a TV. So the kids could come in, watch TV, they got to go to the kitchen and fix whatever they wanted to fix. There was no snacking in my house and I’m not saying that in a negative way, but mom cooked three meals a day and and occasionally, she would fix us a snack, but we weren’t allowed free reign in the house. Our house was orderly.

And so we were raised both pastors’ kids and different, but still that I know his mom has told me she would find out that they were moving to another church because one Sunday he ran out from the pulpit, by the way, this is my last Sunday, we’re gonna be moving to Sunso. He never talked over anything with her. No, she and I did not discuss that much, she would just occasionally say something. And I loved my in laws. They didn’t like me. But I loved my in laws. She was very controlling and she was something.

And when I would go, my father in law, he would ask me the same three questions every time. When I got there, he would ask me the exact same three questions and when he I answered them, he was done with me. And for years, my first Christmas with them, I we had Thanksgiving with my family, Christmas with his, and we would rotate every year. Now all the other holidays, his mother required us to be at their house.

But the first Christmas I couldn’t wait, and they had this beautiful regular Christmas dinner, they had beautiful tree. My dad was a scrooge about Christmas, and I remember after the meal, his dad saying, Okay, I want a picture of my kids. Well, my house, when I got married, he was now my mom’s kid. That’s how that was, and we had already had that, so I got in the picture and he said, No, Detra, I said my kids.

And I remember I’d been married probably 10, 12, 15 years, and he was chairman of the Bible department at this little college. And I went and saw there were no pictures of me. There were pictures of my children, the man I was married to, everybody else in the family, but none of me. And I don’t know, I got real sassy one day. And I said, Let me tell you something. You either get a picture of me in this office, or I’m gonna pick out a picture of me and I’m gonna blow it up and frame it and put it in here. And the look on his face, he goes, No, sister, no, sister, don’t do that.

Don’t do that. But every year how he would frame it is I want all of my family under the tree and he would take pictures. And one year there was a guest there and the guest said, Hey Detra, he called. I said, I learned I’m not part of this family. So there he would take a picture of me and the man I was married to and my children, but I was not allowed to be in any pictures with anybody else.

Rev. Ruth Perry (14:35)
That’s so heartbreaking.

Detra Thomas (14:36)
It is, and I was just happy to be a part of, when I would go, what do you want me to do? How do you want it done? How do you want things in your kitchen handled? What can I do to help? All those type of things. I just look back and think, well, I’m not gonna tell you what I think because I’m gonna use New York language and I’m I’m not gonna say what I really think.

Rev. Ruth Perry (14:55)
We’ll fill in the blanks for you.

Detra Thomas (14:56)
Thank you. They’re a bunch of blankety blank blanks, that’s what they are. And just mean. Just mean. And there was no reason for it. The last words that she told me I kind of put my foot down and said, unless and things change, I’m not participating with them, I’m not inviting them to anything. But her words to me were, I don’t like how many children you’ve had. I don’t like that you homeschool them, but I don’t like that they’re on the road. If I had my way, things would be a whole lot different. And I was like, who do you think you are to think you get a say?

And how I raised my family. Was your mother-in-law in your business telling you how to raise your family? She wasn’t. Her mother-in-law was deaf. But I guarantee you, she would have told her to get lost, But it was just the constant gaslighting. And if you love me, this is what she said. If you love me, Detra, you will do this. And I would do it every time and tell her, mark me down as I love you.

I didn’t know what gaslighting was. But when you love so hard, and I’m happy with breadcrumbs, I really am, and I’m trying to change that. But when you’re happy with breadcrumbs and you look back and see they even didn’t want to throw you breadcrumbs. It is heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking.

Rev. Ruth Perry (16:02)
Yeah, as you were describing their family dynamic, I’m thinking to myself, Well, that doesn’t sound like the fruit of the spirit. These are

Detra Thomas (16:09)
No.

Rev. Ruth Perry (16:09)
Christians. Where’s the love? Where’s the joy? Where’s the peace and the patience and the kindness and the gentleness? None of that.

Detra Thomas (16:16)
Well, it was a pastor’s home, and I never heard God mentioned or talked about except for prayer before a meal. Never one time. And it was kind of crazy. I guess there was one time she mentioned a health issue and she did mention God one time. Other than that, there wasn’t. And that’s what he was raised in, so he was conditioned his own way, and then our Baptist ranks was very misogynistic, very misogynistic.

So he was going in the flow of what he was raised, plus he had his own nuances of… I don’t know that you can look it up then, but when I went and saw the lady after 32 and a half years of marriage, we talked, she mentioned sociopath, and I looked up sociopaths, and there’s two kinds. My dad was one and I married the other.

And so I would always think, I love that the man I’m married to is not like my dad. Well, they’re both sociopaths, but they’re one is my dad’s authoritarian. I married the charming one, the passive aggressive will kill you slowly day after day while smiling at you, so it was and then also the man I was married to, if you look up a psychopath, they have no emotions. They have no emotions for trauma or broken bones. He had none. And I would try to talk to him about that.

In fact, he had a full length mirror in his our walk-in closet and he was a cartoonist. And because I would talk to him so much about this, because I can’t comprehend this, I can’t comprehend that you don’t care about a broken bone or somebody hurt or you don’t care. In fact you get angry because it has now interfered with what you wanted to do. And I would have to walk a tight rope with him if the children got hurt.

He drew like two little bubbles coming out of his head, and in the big bubble it said, think about others. Because he couldn’t. He literally could not, except when he looked in that full-length mirror and had that bubble there. So

Rev. Ruth Perry (18:00)
Wow.

Detra Thomas (18:01)
And then you put the name of God in the middle of all that. It’s a recipe for a woman who’s naive, a woman who has been raised to enable, a woman who has been raised to believe that God will not bless her or protect her unless she obeys this man, a woman who is a firstborn who relates to authority, and a woman who, with her whole being, wants to please the Almighty. That is a recipe for total destruction.

And I look back and I don’t know how it all came to be, but I was begging God to show me, and it just happened that night. And was I trying to escape that night? No. But that’s what happened. And I’m grateful. I am grateful.

Rev. Ruth Perry (18:41)
This was after thirty two years of marriage. Is that right?

Detra Thomas (18:45)
Well, thirty two years I talked to somebody, but thirty four years when I escaped. Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (18:49)
Can you name some more of the ways that you experienced abuse in your marriage before we talk about your escape? Because I think a lot of people still have misconceptions about what abuse is. We only understand if it’s violent. But there’s a way to be violent without bruising someone.

Detra Thomas (19:05)
Yeah. There were little things. We first got married, I’ve talked about this on many podcasts. He gave me a list of foods that he had to have snacks, a certain one, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. What we had on Monday was repeated on Thursday, Tuesday was repeated on Friday, and I had to sit beside him and eat, and I didn’t want to. And I would tell him I don’t want to. And he informed me that I was his wife and I would do what he said.

When I wanted to try a different hairstyle, my mom had always kept my hair really short. It started getting long because when you gonna cut your hair? I said, I thought I’d grow it out. He goes, You’ll wear your hair how I tell you to wear your hair. And then years later, like 20 years later, I asked him for permission to grow my hair out,

And I said, if I do it with a style, and he agreed. And I was pregnant with child number five. And so I’m I’m growing it out. And it’s probably about this length. And I really didn’t know much about styling hair, but I can fix it and it’s fine. And then it hits humidity and it starts doing all the curls.

Rev. Ruth Perry (19:57)
Yeah.

Detra Thomas (19:57)
And the church ladies were doing a baby shower for me. And so I was telling the women, I said, I’ve been trying to grow my hair because he he really likes it short. And no one thought a thing of it when I said he gave me permission to grow it long. Nobody batted an eyelash at this. And I said, but I’ve decided, I can’t keep it straight. See, I thought curls like this was simple.

That’s out of control, It means I can’t control my hair. I thought it was simple. And I said, So I think I’m gonna go back short. He just knows best. And the head deacon’s wife leaned in and said, We’ve been wondering what you were doing. So it wasn’t just you. Well, this solidified the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing. If my hair has a curl in it, it is simple and I have to obey him. So it wasn’t just him, it was along the way these churches had this mindset, so it was just crazy.

When I look back at it, my dad wasn’t trying to be abusive, He was doing best he could do with how he was raised. My mom willingly admitted all her neurosis, she would say, Detra, I have this, this, and this. But she would acknowledge and own it, and she worked on it, and so it was just this crazy hodgepodge of all these people, this worldview, this religious group weaving together something for someone who just wanted to make everybody happy, and that is I think you you coined me well, overachiever. I just wanted everybody to be happy. That’s all I wanted. So, you can die making everybody happy, and I almost did, yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (21:25)
Absolutely. I think they say eighty one percent of autoimmune diseases are in women, even though autoimmune diseases don’t impact one gender specifically. It’s just because women are carrying so much more stress and they’re absorbing the family stress, the stress of others.

Detra Thomas (21:40)
Okay, well, autoimmune, I’ve done a lot of research into that because I have several things. Best I can tell, it is repressed rage.

Rev. Ruth Perry (21:48)
Yeah.

Detra Thomas (21:49)
It’s an anger that you’re never allowed to express because you wouldn’t be a good Christian. All those things. It’s repressed rage. And I don’t think I’m an angry person at all because I swallow it all, but I have learned to forgive, but I think that it is your body creating signs to let you know you’re not handling this well. In other words, you had a fifty thousand dollar emotional event and you only give it fifty-five dollars. We’re telling you the rest of it’s coming due. And that’s what happens. You keep building up these emotional million dollar events and you don’t because you can’t. You’re a woman, one. You’re not a good Christian if you do, two. And three, you can’t do it because there’s nowhere to put it. Nobody’s gonna believe you. No one’s gonna believe you.

Rev. Ruth Perry (22:30)
So what was co parenting like with your ex husband?

Detra Thomas (22:33)
I would tell you it was good because we were a united front, which divided parents is when you get into a lot of trouble. And I liked order in the home and he followed that.

He was raised that there was order with the children, children obeyed, so that wasn’t an issue between us. And we did spank our children, they had to bend over the end of the bed and we spanked their rump.

I you would have to talk to my kids. I don’t think we we were abusive with with it at all. In fact, my second son told me with my baby girl, he goes, She did not get enough spankings, mama. She gets by with too much. But with the more children you have, if these children have learned to be obedient, they kind of follow in line. But I didn’t allow name calling. I didn’t allow kicking and hitting. Now if you want to wrestle, go outside and wrestle. And if someone taps out, you better be.

So we had this healthy playing and interaction and yeah, with seven kids. I had different personalities. I had one that was, kind of sneaky and come to find out he would cry and he’d be lying about stuff. But for the most part the kids got along. I I didn’t I didn’t

identify this horrible behavior, but co-parenting, we did well together, I thought was one of our strong suits. Now he did not like adult children at all. And I would have to step in and say, you can’t do that. Our oldest one joined the Marines and when he graduated from boot camp in San Diego, churches gave us money so the eight of us could fly out there.

So we flew out for family day and then graduation, and then he flew back with us the next day. And when I awoke, so by this time, the man I’m married to is in his 50s, and he couldn’t stand it if the children got any attention. And I would tell him, What? This doesn’t detract from us. Nobody’s taking anything away from you. You’re still an incredible man. I’m just building you’re an incredible man. But they’re adding to us, and he couldn’t handle it.

But the morning after we got back, I awoke to the bed empty and I could hear gut sobbing. Gut sobbing. And I run out to the living room. He’s on the couch, bent over, just sobbing. I think in 34 years, I may have seen him cry two or three times.

And I just ran over to him, I wrapped him up, and I’m like, what’s wrong? What is wrong? I mean, I’m fixing to go handle whatever it is. I said, What’s wrong? And he’s sobbing and he goes, I know this is wrong, which he knew it because I would tell him, what this is wrong. He said, But I’m crying because I didn’t get any attention yesterday, and Matthew got it all.

And I just felt a chill. I mean, I just literally a chill ran over me, and I let go of him. I’d run into this with him, but this was the first time it had been something of this magnitude, and I still cannot comprehend that this six foot six, fifty-something-year-old man is gut sobbing because his son, one of 400 graduates at a Marine, got all the attention and he didn’t get any. I don’t have I don’t have, I can’t…

Rev. Ruth Perry (25:18)
That’s mind blowing.

Detra Thomas (25:18)
It is mind-blowing. And it it is one of the examples of his complete narcissistic, whatever you want to add to that worldview where nobody is allowed to breathe. Nobody is allowed to breathe. And I am thrilled that I am away from that. I’m thrilled.

Rev. Ruth Perry (25:37)
Tell us how you got away.

Detra Thomas (25:39)
I went to see my doctor in Springdale, Arkansas. He was a doctor kind of outside the box, and I just believed God had him in my life for this particular reason. And I began to tell him a little bit about my marriage. I’d been seeing him for 20 years or so. And I said, I’m praying that God will just kill me. And then nobody has to know. None of these people in the churches, my mom and dad, my kids, nobody has to know. Because he didn’t treat everybody else the same.

And I remember my doctor saying, change your prayer. And I quickly looked up and I said, What? He goes, change your prayer. Now I thought I was being quite brilliant, intellectually, philosophical, spiritual, by asking God to just remove me. One move, and you solved the whole problem. And so I was quite shocked. And I said, Change my prayer. He said, Yeah, your body hears you.

And this was the first time I had a clue our words had power like that. And I said, Well, I am dying. I can tell that I’m dying. He said, Change your prayer. And so I left there and I was like, God, if there’s another way, I don’t know what it, I don’t know what it is. It didn’t occur to me to leave. And then as I began to talk to people, four people who had been married over 15, some over 25 years, never been divorced, said, get away from him.

Now, if you want to talk to people who’ve been divorced, get away. That’s another element. I’m not saying that would be wrong, but these are people who didn’t really, quote, believe in divorce, like me, and they’re saying, get away from him.

And so I prayed and I said, God, I don’t know how to leave. In fact, I had a plan in my mind that I was gonna take the suburban, he called that my vehicle, I was gonna put everything in the back I needed to survive, and I was gonna go to the police station and ask how long I could park my car in one spot and where were the best places in town. And I’d picked out parks that had showers where I could get a shower.

I was gonna have a cooler. I was gonna have my clothes. I was gonna sleep in the back seat with a pillow and a comforter so I could see my children. Now I look back at that and laugh because my kids would have been so embarrassed. my mom’s living in her car going around town. I just wanted to see my kids. that was it. I just wanted to see my kids, but I needed away from him. And that was my plan. That’s what I came up with.

And then I just said, God, if you’ll cause a fulcrum, I will do it. Because I can’t on my own. I don’t know how to walk away. I don’t know how to do this. Because there was so much at stake. And so we were driving back and he pulled one of his charming, passive-aggressive husband, pastor, get under my authority moves.

And I’ve been researching psychopaths, sociopaths, and religious abuse. And I was like, it’s just like all the blinders are falling off of my eyes and the fog is leaving my brain. And I’m like, Are you kidding me? And then I reverted back to a true firstborn who believes that God is true and faithful and who doesn’t put up with all these lies. And and I was like, and that’s when I looked at him and I said, You are a son of a bitch.

And I meant it contextuously. I meant it the son of a bitch. And I had had all I could handle. And in fact, I had told him at one time, I’m willing to give my life if you can figure out how mean you are. I’ll give my life. And what? He was willing to accept that. And when I figured out he knew what he was doing, he wasn’t gonna change, and I was like, I’m not giving my life for someone who’s willfully doing this.

This isn’t what God requires of me. So when I called him a son of the bitch, that was the fulcrum. And he was like, I’m fixing to pull over and tell you something. He finally had a sin he could nail on me. And so he was so happy. He pulled over, got in my face, and it was this just feeling inside, this is it. And I got my purse and got out, opened the door, started walking down the interstate.

And I was crying, I was praying, I I had all the emotions you could have, relief, fear, what’s gonna happen, all those things. And I just said, God, I need help. And there was a car pulled over, you know how long it takes to stop on the side of the interstate? Her brake lights were already off. And I saw the car in the distance, and I was like, God it’s probably a serial serial killer, but I don’t care.

That was literally my prayer. I was like, I don’t care. I’m getting in the car. I just wish I knew I could trust them. And when I said that the passenger door opened and this woman got out, and I could just tell she wasn’t a teenager. It was dusky dark, but her hair was past her shoulders, it was blown back in the wind, and she’s walking very purposefully towards me, and we have a distance to cover. The closer she gets, the harder I’m crying.

And she just meets me and turns and slides an arm around my waist and gets my hand. And ma’am, do you want to ride? I said, I do. And she said, God said to stop and pick you up. And I said, I told him I needed help. And for me and my journey with Christ, which has been strengthened so much more because of all of this, I knew that that was true because I had been begging God.

For a year and a half, you gotta show me what to do. And I would never have left. I wouldn’t have done any of these things. But she said, God said to stop and pick you up. I didn’t know this woman from Adam, I’ve never seen her. And she got me in the back and the reason she was walking purposefully is she could see him. He got out of the car when he saw her and he was running to get me. And when she opened the back door to put me in, I didn’t know he was coming. He grabbed me from behind, grabbed my arm. And I turned around and I just looked at him and I and I was done. And I said, I’m gonna call the police, let go of me.

And he goes, Well, I’m gonna call and he did this. I’m gonna call the police and tell them that you’re with somebody I don’t know. And I wanted to say, as usual, you don’t make sense. And I said, Call ’em, just call ’em. Let’s call the police. Let’s have this out here on the side of the interstate. You call the police, and I’m gonna tell them who you are. You call the police.

I don’t know. And he let go of me. She put me in, closed the door, and I am sobbing, distraught. Because it’s like, how am I a woman that’s on the side of the interstate getting away from my pastor husband that I’ve adored? Him trying to grab me. And he told them twice. He goes, She’s fine. We’ve had a fight, but she’s fine and she’s going with me.

And that’s when I said I was gonna call the police. So the woman got in the car and he he’s six foot six, like I said, she’s sitting in the passenger seat, and he bends down and he gets in front of her in her face, and he goes, I don’t even know who you are. And she just very calmly said, I’m a doctor with the Choctaw Nation. So she gives credentials, but she doesn’t tell her name. I look back on it, she was very smart, I’m a doctor with the Choctaw Nations. Those are credentials.

And he said, Well, I’m gonna follow you. She said, You do whatever you need to do. And he gets out, she closes the door, she tells her daughter to start driving. And I’ve since found this woman on the internet with help. I’ve been able to call her and thank her. Her daughter and I visited a little bit on the internet. I just remember when I could stop crying enough to pay attention to what was going on.

They had music playing. I don’t know if it was a CD, if it was the tape, if it was the radio, but it was quite unusual. It wasn’t any Christian music with the rock or the pop or anything. It was an old hymn. And I just remember the hymn that was playing was Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, how I’ve trust you or in or. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. for grace to trust you more.

And for me, it was like an invitation. Teacher, you’ve trusted me this far. Keep trusting me. Now her daughter told me, What I remember about you is you sang in the car. And I said, I did what? I do not remember singing, but if it was hymns, that’s just what I do. I sing.

I was so embarrassed when she told me that. I was like, I don’t know how many songs I sang or hymns I sing. But they took me to a hotel. And what happened is he did follow us. And they said they needed gas. And so we pulled over to gas station. He pulled over. And then all of a sudden he just leaves really fast. What I found out later is he went home and began making phone calls and preparing.

One of the accounts I got is when one of the children walked in the house. He was just sitting on the sectional drinking a glass of iced tea, just as if nothing had happened. And anyway, they took me to a hotel. I called one of my sons. I knew his number by heart. I didn’t have my phone. And he said, Mom, I’m gonna get you a hotel. Because the kids had known for a year and a half it had been hellish. I got the blame for that, but it had been hellish.

So that was my escape. And my oldest son was in Oklahoma doing a job and he heard about it. He called, he goes, get in your car. You come to me. So he said, Nobody’s at home. Garrison’s gonna pick you up. He’s gonna get you some lunch, you get your clothes, you drive to me. And so I was with him in the hotel for a while and he lived in New York. He took me to New York.

It was supposed to be a few weeks. It’s been eleven years, but in that moment I lost everything I’d known except the foundation on which I built my life. And I had found that foundation to be unshakable. Unshakable. And people call it deconstruction. And I didn’t hear that term until I was in it. And then I was inundated with messages from people, all this stuff and I didn’t choose to join anything. I was like, I’m not interested in joining another group. But I began to hear the word deconstruction and I understand the concept, but for me, I wanted to say blow the shit up. Blow it up because what matters is your foundation. If you don’t have a foundation that’s solid, that’s where you start. Blow the rest of the shit up because what’s true is going to stay there.

It’s not gonna go anywhere. But it’s like a baseball, The rubber bands, one’s true, one’s a lie, are all melded together. when you try to pull one out, you’ve got a part of another one. So just blow it up and see what the foundation is. And if you’ve got a strong foundation, which I did, somehow it was built on the one true living God.

And then I just started building, and as I in New York prayed, God, can you protect me in 2020 when crime’s going up in Harlem? And, I said, God, I need to know if you can protect me. And these Harlem Cigar Men offered me protection. Who would have dreamed? Who would have dreamed that is how God would step in? And I remember I was somewhere

I’ve been in New York for several years and was at the Harlem Cigar Room. This was before the story, Humans of New York story came out. But I was smoking cigars and and I was at a art show. It was part of the homeless thing I’d been a part of and I’d been invited. I had somehow inspired this art show.

By a photographer who took a picture of me when I was homeless that changed my perspective of myself. And I told him, and he thought maybe I could use my skills in the homeless. And he did a whole art show of people who were homeless, and they were absolutely gorgeous. Smiling, and he invited me to the opening of that, and then I was a part of a panel. So I’m gonna I’m gonna say what I really think here. I’m sorry if it’s offensive, but there was some little Christian old woman who came up to me and

I call them little banny hens, I can’t believe you smoke cigars. That’s how she said it. And rather than knocking her out, I just literally wanted to take my fist and knock her out. I’m sorry, but this is the real. And I thought, how dare you sit in judgment?

Of what you think is best in life or best for me. how dare you? Especially after the journey I’ve had to walk and the prayers I’ve prayed and the answers that have come and this little snitty woman telling me that, with her little tag. I can’t believe he smoked cigars. And I decided to be nice. And I said, Well, let me tell you how I smoked my first cigar.

And I told her, 2020, almost died, the sidewalk cafes, I’m alone, I’ve been working from home, nobody. And my son is worried, crime’s going up in my prayer. And I said, I’m walking twice a week through the sea of men smoking cigars, and they start chatting. And one day they said, We want to offer you protection.

And I said, I called my son and I said, Hey, fly up here. He loves cigars. And I said, I smoked cigars, accepted the protection. And they told my son, you don’t worry about your mama. We’re going to take care of her. Nothing’s going to happen to her. And he started paying my membership. And I smoked cigars. When I got done, this lady, her whole demeanor changed. And she said, That’s one of the most beautiful stories I’ve ever heard.

And I decided to remain because she’s coming from the world, whatever she thinks, and what she’s raised. And I had never smoked anything until I smoked a cigar. I would have wouldn’t have been like her, I would have thought, if you want to smoke cigars, that’s fine. But it is one of the most beautiful stories. It is. And she changed. But I didn’t appreciate her little snide puckered mouth,

Standing in judgment. I can’t believe you smoke cigars attitude. Not even giving it a chance. Here’s my deal. Be curious to at least ask a question. Don’t assume that you know what the other person has been through or why they’re doing something. Ask. Say, well, I’ve never smoked a cigar. What led you to smoke your first cigar? Ask. Be open. Allow room for something other than what you think and your little shriveled up brain cells.

And that I think has been the biggest thing for my journey is as I’ve prayed and asked God, I need a step and watch these steps open up, I would even tell you the homeless shelter was part of that, the things I learned there. And plus, it was a volunteer in the homeless shelter that wrote Brandon. So if it wasn’t for that lowest point in my life, I wouldn’t be at my highest point right now.

So when you can step back and look back and see what I prayed, what has happened, it is a most incredible, crazy, arduous, beautiful journey of the intimacy of the Almighty saying, I’m looking for the heart that’s turned towards me. Her heart is, let me do this right here. And as a result, Brandon wrote the story and I can’t tell you the number of women who write and tell me one of my favorites is a woman wrote me and she said, Detra, my car is packed. And when I get through typing this, I’m gonna push send and I’m backing out and I’m leaving. And she wrote me a couple more times, and evidently a very powerful man, rich man. She was trying to escape doing different things, and we communicated a little bit. And then I wrote her and I didn’t hear from her for a year. And I thought she was dead. And she wrote after a year and she had made it.

Another woman wrote to me on Messenger, and she was a pastor’s wife from the world I knew. She said, Detra, I’m praying for you. And I’ve had some pastor’s wife write me, I need to know everything. And I was like, no, bitch, you don’t. I don’t even respond to them. But this one, I thought, I want to know what you’re praying. I figured I was on the prayer list of every church, across America there. And I said, Well, what are you praying? And she told me what she was praying strength for me, protection for me. It touched me. This woman was not being judgmental of me. She was asking God to bless me.

And then she said, I don’t have your courage, Detra. I don’t couldn’t live in a homeless shelter. And that’s when I began to get a glimpse of there were a lot more women from my world who wanted out and couldn’t. That woman is dead. I think about her often. She’s dead.

Another man wrote to me, and he said, Detra, I read your story, and he wrote a little novella about him and his siblings in the church. And when people write me, I at least do a red heart just to let them know I’ve seen your message. When it first happened, I couldn’t answer individual thousands of messages, but I’ve answered a lot. And his was so poignant, I messaged him.

And I said, listen, thank you for sharing your story. And I’m so sorry. I am so sorry for what happened to you and your siblings. And I said, but I want you to remember this. healing begins with one new thought. It’s not like New Year’s where you make all these resolutions. It begins with one new thought. So start with your one new thought.

And when I sent it, you could tell it was bubbling over here, and I waited, and he said, I cannot believe you’ve written back to me. I’m crying. And he said, I remember from your story you’re mess you’re missing several of your children. And I want you to know, I’m sorry for that, but you’re now mothering thousands of us. And I just started sobbing because I do so miss my five children. I so miss my five children.

And the fact that there are other children who need a mom, who has courage to say, I’m not putting up with this, means a lot to me. I get messages every day from all over the world. I get about 200 private messages a week, most of them from creepy men, let’s be honest, but from women all over the world and some men.

And I’ve just said, God, use my life to tell your story in a way that people know it was you. And that’s what I want, So this, me living in this hotel, I closed on my house Wednesday. I did not mean to become a sobbing mess. is a new season of

I want to show women don’t be afraid of fear. So many women write I got hurt, it was a pastor, da da da da. And they’re holed up somewhere, they’re scared. You can’t be afraid of fear. You just can’t. And the world thinks I’m so brave. I am not. I’m not. I’m just willing to keep my feet moving forward and not be afraid of fear. And so my plan is I’ve got a little bit of time here.

And I’m gonna record an album with my band. I want my original song so I can do a pop-up show when I travel. And I’m gonna pack the back of my truck in a way that I can travel. And then I wanna go visit different states for a month.

One to figure out where I want to live, but also to take the women with me and say, hey, we’re gonna go and right now the plan is Texas for the month of October. One of my followers, we’ve already talked about it. She’s got a place that wants me to do a show. There’s a cigar lounge there. She has a place, a two bedroom cottage, I can stay free for the month. Very interested in helping women like I am. And I will say in a month’s time, we’re gonna build a community.

And I’m not gonna go out on the sidewalks and say, Would you be my friend? We’re just gonna see what happens. I’m gonna go to coffee shops, I’ll go to cigar lounges, and people will just start conversations. And at the end of the month, I wanna have a dinner party with some of the people I’ve met. And just introduce them to each other because I seem to have this habit of meeting people who don’t know each other but are great matches, they just work well together.

And then go to another state and do the same thing and tell women, look, can’t be afraid of starting over. Is it scary? Yeah. Is it hard? Yeah. But it’s doable. And in the process, these adventures, my goodness, the most incredible people I’ve met. I have met the most beautiful, incredible souls and hearts that have just enriched me.

And let me tell you they’re not sitting on the pews of churches either. But they’re kind hearted, they’re generous, they’re honest, they’re authentic, they’re true. They’re not the gossipy little people sitting in the pews.

Rev. Ruth Perry (43:22)
You don’t have any patience with organized religion anymore, do you?

Detra Thomas (43:26)
No. I do not. I don’t have any patience with it. I don’t have any use for it. In fact, I did go to a church for nine months after I got here and was ministered to greatly, mainly because I’m going asking God to show me. Brandon mentioned that church. I didn’t want that church mentioned. He did it at the last minute when he sent that chapter out. He changed it. And I didn’t like that. And that church got a lot of messages. And I hated that.

But no, I so what I did is I I applied for work at Starbucks and they hired me, and they’re open seven days a week. But how simple it is to be open on Sundays. But I needed a job and I was just like, you know what, God, this is my whole lot, this is all I’ve known. And they want to know when I’m available and I’m just gonna tell them I’m available at all times. And I’m asking you in your omnipotence to set my schedule. Because I go to church, I don’t know, is it just because my heart wants to out of duty, what it is, but I need you to guide me through this. I’m yours. I’m not Starbucks’, so you set my schedule. I didn’t have a Sunday off for two years unless I asked for one.

And that’s when I was able to go, my goodness. God is more real to me than any pew. God is more real to me than any hymn. God is my foundation. And then when I would go to a church, I would be in bed with a migraine for two to three days at a time. Or this is too much information, but hey, I’m a I’m a crazy woman these days. My bowels would not move for three days. So would have migraines, my body couldn’t function. And I realized that my body was telling me, you can’t do this. You can’t do this. It just, it hurts me in ways.

So no, I don’t. The last time I was went to a church, I went to a funeral. One of my cigar guys, his sister was murdered. And I told myself, it’s fine, it’s it’s a funeral. I had to call off work the next day. I was in bed, couldn’t move just at a funeral. But Church buildings hold such memories for my body. And so no. But as far as the one true living God and his word and what he does in life is the most exciting, intimate, beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.

Rev. Ruth Perry (45:26)
It’s really beautiful just hearing how God has been with you through this whole story and how real God is to you. And your story is just enthused with your prayer life and what a conversation looks like with God, that you can just tell God what’s going on and ask for help and God cares about you. And I think it’s so beautiful and I’m just so grateful that you shared your story with us today, Detra. If people go to your website, they can read Brandon Stanton’s Humans of New York posts there and they can find what you’re up to and recordings of you singing. Can you tell us what your website is?

Detra Thomas (45:59)
It is www.detrasstory.com. Detra has an S on it, detrasstory dot com. And I’ll get with my webmaster and try to become more active updating that now that I’m kind of gonna be on my own. I’m not really good with IT stuff. I’m gonna have to learn. I’m thinking about maybe in the States I’m in, I could find an intern, a kid who’s good with social media and IT, who could do social media for me where I am and pay them something. Because I hit record and talk and do that, that’s about all I know to do. And I really want to get back

Rev. Ruth Perry (46:31)
Yeah.

Detra Thomas (46:31)
to a writing post about people, but the last year has been so stressful for me trying to work and survive working. But I want to get back to writing about the journey and and just the people I meet. To me it is the treasures God has made that stands in front of us. And sometimes those treasures are so broken that they block all love. They can’t receive any love.

at all. And all that comes out of them is control and manipulation. And I just move on. I no longer feel obligated here. they’ve made their choices. I move on. But let me tell you, God has made such wonderful treasures who have been battered and broken. And they sometimes it’s just a smile or a kind word or a hug and that’s all they needed to go on for another day, And I think that’s what we are asked to do, provide that love and unconditional, hey, I think you’re an awesome treasure of God and just do those little things and it makes a big difference.

Rev. Ruth Perry (47:28)
Thank you, Detra, for sharing your story with us today and being a blessing to me and being a blessing to so many people. And I pray God’s blessings on you.

Detra Thomas (47:36)
Well thank you for having me. I’ve enjoyed meeting you. Thank you.

Rev. Ruth Perry (47:39)
God bless.

Detra Thomas (47:40)
All right.


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027 I Is Your Theology Liberating or Oppressive? A Deep Dive with Dr. Eliezer Valentín-Castañón

I took a Biblical Exegesis class this past April with Rev. Dr. Eliezer Valentín-Castañón, who is a United Methodist Church minister and scholar, currently appointed as Frederick District superintendent in the Baltimore-Washington Conference. He has had a long career in ministry and advocacy. I was delighted when Professor Eliezer accepted my invitation to speak with me about his personal journey of faith, from a Puerto Rican teenaged Pentecostal preacher to a mainline denominational leader, known for his commitment to justice, scholarship and community engagement.

In our conversation, we discussed the lengthy process of training and vetting that UMC pastors go through, and the importance of that process in light of low trust in clergy these days (see: https://news.gallup.com/poll/700736/nurses-continue-lead-honesty-ethics-ratings.aspx ).

Professor Eliezer also sent me these links to resources that help people rethink church and faith:
*Wendland-Cook Program in Religion and Justice
This is an interdisciplinary program located at Vanderbilt University Divinity School. It focuses on issues of justice that arise at the intersection of religion, economics, and ecology.
*The Bible for Normal People
They believe in a world where people engage with the Bible freely, without fear or guilt—where questions are welcome and scholarship is accessible.
*Dan McClellan YouTube Channel
Dan is an American biblical scholar who is well known for his activities on social media, creating and sharing videos on religious topics from a historical-critical perspective. 
*Misquoting Jesus Podcast
This is a six-time New York Times bestselling author and world-renowned Bible scholar, Bart Ehrman. He uncovers the many fascinating, little-known facts about the New Testament, the historical Jesus, and the rise of Christianity.
*Homebrewed Christianity
Their goal is to bring the wisdom of the academy’s ivory tower into people’s earbuds. Most episodes center around an interview with a different scholar, theologian, or philosopher.

And books that impacted his faith journey during his early years of theological awakening (with TBKB affiliate links):

Please enjoy this episode of The Beautiful Kingdom Builders podcast on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Substack, and more! 

TRANSCRIPT:

Rev. Ruth Perry (00:16)
My guest today is Reverend Dr. Eliezer Valentín-Castañón, although you’re originally from Puerto Rico, so could you say your name for me without the American accent?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (00:26)
Sure, sure. This is Eliezer Valentín-Castañón.

Rev. Ruth Perry (00:29)
I met you this spring in my first course of study class. I’m a local licensed pastor in the United Methodist Church, so I’m going through a course of study and my first one was Biblical Exegesis, with you. And you were amazing. The class was amazing. And throughout the class, as we’re talking about the Bible you would drop little tidbits about your personal story, about where you came from theologically and how you’ve changed, and it was very intriguing to me. I’m so pleased that you said you would come on and share your story with my audience today. Thank you so much.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (00:59)
Absolutely. Thank you, Ruth, for the invitation. As you know, I had some professors in my life and when we met with friends and family, they will always say, and he was one of my best students. So I’m gonna repeat that in this context. And Ruth, you were one of my best students. Thank you for being in that class.

Rev. Ruth Perry (01:18)
Thank you so much. That’s very kind of you to say.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (01:22)
Absolutely. It is indeed a blessing, when you explore things together with pastors, right? And as I said in the class, you most likely will be the only theologian in residence that people will have in their churches. The only biblical scholar that people will have in their churches. And that’s why this is so serious, right? This is such an important thing and has such a value.

I measure things for the value that they have for me and in my life, how they help me to be a better Christian. But I also believe that, when you take this seriously as a pastor, then you really see the importance of your preparation in relation to how this is going to help your folks in the church.

So I am glad that you took the course. I am glad that we were able to explore some of the things the Bible teaches but also the tools we have at our disposal today to study scripture in a way that is going to be more helpful to the current reader, right? To the present reality where we live today.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:19)
I would love to talk with you as part of our conversation about the material of that class because it was really powerful and impactful and I learned so much. It was a short class because you were teaching pastors in ministry and so the expectation isn’t that we’re full time students. But the material was really helpful to me in my ministry and I’m grateful that I had that. And

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (02:41)
Praise be.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:42)
So you wear many hats. You’re a district superintendent in the United Methodist Church for the Baltimore-Washington region, and you’re a seminary professor and a former pastor. How many churches are you district superintendent of now?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (02:55)
Right now I have ninety seven churches under my supervision. Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (02:59)
So what does being a district superintendent involve?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (03:02)
Mostly working with encouraging people, encouraging churches, encouraging pastors, and once in a while trying to extinguish fires. This is part of the deal with district superintendents. I have to say, sister in all honesty, it’s an incredible ministry. It’s an incredible ministry when you’re working with congregations and you’re working with, pastors and they’re different situations and different needs.

It’s a different work, as I tell my pastors, this is not pastoral ministry as pastors do in the local church. This is indeed something having to do with some administration, but from my experience is a lot of holding people responsible for what’s happening in the local church, but also encouraging them to continue to further their education, further the work that they’re doing, continue to pursue the things that they like. and as our Bishop Easterling says, is dream big, don’t be afraid of dreaming and pursuing the things you believe are important to pursue.

I think that that’s something that I also like to promote among my pastors and and also for the local churches because it’s a dream of the pastor but it’s also a dream of the local church and my hope is always that the two of them come together, so that you’re working in tandem with each other, pursuing the same goals for ministry. And at the same time for pastors, it’s the business about also challenging their congregations not only to do pastoral ministry, but also what I understand to be the extension of that pastoral ministry, which takes place in the community, that is not necessarily the folks that meet in the church building, right?

So it’s that extension of ministry, that extension of what it means to be a pastor in the church, especially in the United Methodist Church, where our pastors we are not called just to serve in a building, we’re called to serve in a location, and that location implies the entire community where the church happens to be. I have to say it’s been a real blessing. It has a lot of challenges, as you can imagine, but it’s just been a blessing. It’s a lot of conversations, a lot of hurt.

As you know, Ruth, we all make mistakes. And it’s just no way to avoid that. We just need to be humble about that and then accept also that when we do something wrong, that we’re willing and open to ask for forgiveness and have the humility to be able to admit that, we messed up. I think that this is all part of that ministry of the district superintendent. There is a lot of authority, but more important than the authority that is given to a DS is also the importance of recognizing our own failures and our own brokenness in this journey. So that we’re related to our folks like they are, so are we.

We’re not better than anybody else. We’re not above anybody else. We just have been called to special ministry in the life of the church. And so for me again, it’s been a blessing. It’s been a blessing also to see how things work, at this level of the life of the church. Usually pastors feel that they’re alone, that they’re isolated. And I can tell you, my sister, that being a district superintendent makes you feel that even more. Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (06:00)
Oof. Well part of my background is that I grew up in a Baptist church that was independent of any kind of denominational structure. We were part of a denomination, but it was essentially in name only. My dad was the pastor. I don’t know that he ever went to any conferences in our denomination or had any communications from anyone in our denomination. And there was a terrible church split in our church. And I just felt the absence of a district superintendent and the absence of a bishop, that support that would come in when there’s a fire. And so it was just a really horrific experience. And this is something that drew me to being a part of the United Methodist Church is having the support of that structure in place and also just the high standards that you have for your ministers that you require education and you require so many steps and so much accountability and training.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (06:48)
Yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (06:48)
I think it’s really important.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (06:49)
Well I tell those who are aspiring to be pastors, you are coming into the ministry of the United Methodist Church and this is not for the faint of heart. We want to have the best pastors, best prepared folks that we can. So that the people we’re serving have the best that they can, the best that we can offer. and so it is sometimes a lengthy process, sometimes it’s a very taxing process.

If you want to be a pastor in our church, it’s because you want to be the best you can be as a disciple of Jesus Christ, so that you can give the best you can to your people. If you’re not willing to do that, then this is not for you.

I was telling my son the other day, my son is considering ministry in a different denomination. We’ll leave that too for another day. But he was asking me, so dad, how does the process work in the United Methodist Church to be ordained?

And I said, Well, you know, baby, you spend three years in seminary. Then in our conference, you spend three more years as a provisional member. And before you can be a provisional member, you have an examination done by the Board of Ordained ministry, a bunch of pastors and lay folks who are part of the Board of Ordained ministry who will examine your theology, will examine your biblical knowledge. And we’ll examine your polity knowledge. So, how well versed are you with our theology, our history, and our polity? And once you pass that, and it requires three-quarters of the members of the Board of Artine Ministry to actually vote for you. So if you don’t get the three-quarter requirement, you will not be moved forward to provisional membership.

But let’s say you did, right? You passed the examination and now you’re moving forward and so you’re gonna be now serving for three more years as a provisional member. Then you’re gonna be now going to another interview, another examination. Of which time you’re gonna have to prepare a written document that expresses your theology and your biblical understanding and your polity understanding and so on and so forth. And I said, and that is going to be evaluated. So the written material is gonna be evaluated, your sermon is gonna be evaluated, your Bible study is gonna be evaluated. If you fail in any of those, you will not move forward.

If you don’t pass the examination, you may be able to come back in the following year after you correct some of the things that they will tell you you did not do right. But let’s say you pass and it was great. Then you will be going before the Annual Conference. Specifically you will go before the executive meeting, which is the all the clergy in the annual conference, and then they have to vote for you. And if anything happens that somebody brings an issue about your candidacy at that level you might not actually be able to move forward.

But let’s say that all that passed then of course comes the consecration of the individual. So you have a bachelor’s degree, you have now a master’s degree, so that’s between eight, nine years maybe of study. And then you spent three more years waiting as a provisional member and that’s if you just follow the three years, right? Well the people take a little bit longer. and now you, enter into the process to be considered for elders’ orders. And I said, so this is how long our process is. It takes years. And he couldn’t believe it.

He said, and you had to do all this? And I said, Yeah, that’s what elders in the United Methodist Church have to do. And he was just surprised. And then of course I explained a little bit that also about, local pastors and the difference between local pastors and elders. I said, local pastors have this, course of study program and it’s this long and so on and so forth. And for a local pastor who wants to be ordained, I said you go through the five years of basic course of study, then you do another three years of advanced course of study, and then you might be able to apply or request to be ordained. But you need to meet other criteria before you can get to that point, because there are some educational criteria that are part of this. And I said to him, and with all this, all these roadblocks, so to speak.

And we still have pastors who should not be pastors in the ministry of the local church. So that it’s not for lack of effort. It’s not for lack of effort to get the best people we can. We still will find people who should not have been ordained or moved forward as pastors in the church. But this is precisely because we want the best for our people.

We want the best, most prepared folks we can have to serve our churches so that our people are served by folks who are from their own congregations, but who have decided that they want to serve the people of God and provide the best care and the best knowledge and the best education to the people that they’re serving. I said, this is who we are, this is what we do.

Rev. Ruth Perry (11:22)
There’s a Gallup poll from several years ago. I can’t remember what year it was, but it was ranking the trust that the population has in different career paths. And for clergy I think it was only thirty six percent.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (11:35)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rev. Ruth Perry (11:36)
And so I think this is really important that denominations do have high standards for their clergy and a lot of accountability and support. But also the training too. And there’s a lot of support within the denomination to help assist and provide for clergy as they go through this process, which is wonderful.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (11:54)
Yeah, yeah. I think the denomination is also committed to helping and providing resources to folks to be able to do that. And we also encourage churches where people are serving as pastors to also support their pastors in this process, right? Because, you know, by supporting their pastors they’re also benefiting themselves, because as you bless these pastors and as you help them in their journey, when they move from your congregation to the next church they’re going to be pastoring, you are being part of the process of blessing that other congregation and blessing the denomination, right?

I think again, as much as it’s challenging, as much as it’s difficult it’s also a wonderful opportunity for all of us to make sure that we’re doing the best we can to serve our people and to be as committed to doing the right thing as we can and always again with the humility of realizing that even so we may not have everybody who’s supposed to be in this ministry and doing the right thing. But again, we don’t know what is in people’s hearts and minds. So we do what the best we can and that’s why we are so demanding on our clergy.

Rev. Ruth Perry (13:03)
So you did not grow up United Methodist and you were originally ordained as a teenager. Can you take us back to your background

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (13:09)
Yeah, that’s exactly right.

Rev. Ruth Perry (13:11)
and tell us about your beginnings?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (13:13)
Yeah, yeah. I started my journey of faith first in the Catholic Church, as most people in Puerto Rico did, well, at least at my age. I became a Baptist for a little bit and then I joined an independent fundamentalist Pentecostal church. That’s the church that I became a pastor when I was 18.

And as a Pentecostal church, of course, we were, led by the Spirit and the idea was that if you know your Bible, meaning if you can quote scripture left and right, you are definitely able to be a pastor in the church, because you know, somehow it seemed to me that the biggest requirement to be a pastor in my church was that you know your Bible. So that you can call the Bible for every occasion in any situation. And so I did.

I learned my Bible and I quoted scripture left and right. And so I served as a pastor for a few years in that church. In my church, different from the Methodist church and some other denominations, we had several pastors. So I was not the lone pastor. I was a part of a team and we called our team a group of elders. Imagine that at eighteen you were the elder.

I remember going to a to a Pentecostal, another Pentecostal church looking for some assistance for a member of our congregation. And the young man who made the contact with the pastor of this church, the pastor was not going to help this young man because he was a young man, and he said if I bring an elder, from my church, would you be able to, he said, So yeah, bring an elder and so and there I come I was even younger than the guy who was making the first connection with the pastor and the pastor look at me and says and you’re the elder?

All that simply to say we had a lot of fun and many challenges but that experience also shaped me, shaped who I am as a pastor today, shaped my experience as a Christian until this day. There are many things that remain with me from my from that early experience. And there are some things that I just realized were not right. And those things I have left behind.

And it’s one of those wonderful journeys. As I listen to stories of people who have a similar experience than I had growing up in a Pentecostal fundamentalist church, and and they’re now in deconstruction. You know, interesting because when I was going through that process in my life, there was no deconstruction. This is just what you do as a Christian who’s actually maturing in faith, right? Now we call it deconstruction. So when I hear the testimonies of people I realize what an amazing experience. Because all these folks who are currently in this journey of deconstructing, is simply encountering their faith in a deeper fashion and just simply gaining an even richer understanding of who the God that they believe in is and then seeking to serve to be part of that community of believers but now with this new understanding of what it means to be a Christian in today’s world.

I remember one point in that process, we used to do a lot of street preaching. And we were in one of our towns in Puerto Rico doing that, which we did every week. And I was just in that process asking God for guidance. I said, there are things that we do in our church that I just cannot understand how we can sustain these things as gospel.

And I’m a pastor in that church and I’m asking questions of how can we sustain these actions as gospel teachings, and I ask God for a community of people that can share the experience of questioning and also growing. And a few weeks later I made that first connection with one other Christian who was also in a similar journey from another Pentecostal church. And we started a group of Christians, and part of what we did was we took time to study the Bible, but also studying then, things that people were reading. And so we started to engage in conversation. And that was one of the best times as a young Christian, discovering also more about my faith and and what God is seeking to do with us and through us in the world.

Rev. Ruth Perry (17:20)
What did the gospel sound like when you were preaching it at eighteen years old?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (17:24)
Well, this was one of the challenges that I had, right? I had a very interesting situation where the people in my church and other pastors in my congregation were preaching this gospel of condemnation. You know, you need to do X, Y, and Z. I remember going to the leadership of the church and saying, What do we mean by this? I said, we are telling people that they need to have faith and to accept the gift of God by grace.

But then that is followed by, but if you don’t come to church, then you’re not a believer. And so I said, how do we sustain this message? How can we seriously say to people that what is required here is your faith and accepting God’s grace? And then on the other hand, telling them, but if you don’t come to church, then you’re not a believer, then you’re going to hell.

Let me just say, we send so many people to hell. It’s not even funny. We were so hard. We were hard on ourselves, and we were hard on people, period. And as pastors, we were very hard. Because we wanted to have the most consecrated and the most holy people we could have in our congregation. Just to give you an example, we had a church gathering to judge one of our members. Like a trial.

And the trial was because this individual spent too much time studying; he was in college and he wanted to do good in school and he was not spending enough time in church so we expelled him from church because he was an idolater. He dedicated more time to the god of school than to the God of the gospel. That should give you an idea of how my church was that I grew up in.

There were many other examples, of the things we did to people. And I will say the things that I did to people because from my vast experience and knowledge at eighteen, nineteen, I thought that that was the right thing to do, to help people really become deeply connected and committed to Christ.

Just to realize that no, this is not God’s will. For me at least. I came to the point in which, after seeing all the things we have done to people, and all our contradictions, that were part of our faith community, coming to realize, no, this is not right. This is not how church is supposed to be. And if we speak about a gospel of grace, let’s live into that reality and what it means then to follow Christ within that context of grace. So a few years down the road, I was about, 24. my church divided. It was between me and another pastor. And I said, I could not divide the church. And so I re signed. Different from many other people, right? That says, I’ll take my people and I started my own church, right?

Rev. Ruth Perry (19:55)
Yeah.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (19:56)
I decided, no, that’s not the will of God. That’s not how this is supposed to work either. And so I resigned and I stay in the church as long as I could. And I got involved in social justice ministries, I got involved in justice advocacy, and got engaged a in a strike.

As part of all that journey, and I kept challenging my church. I said, if we speak of justice, if we believe that God is a just God that calls us to do justice, How could we not do justice? How can we not support people who are struggling to have a better life and to gain access to better pay and to better health care and so on and so forth.

And so of course, one of the things that happened in my church is that I became the communist. I was like, well, this is great. So this is damn if you do and damn if you don’t. And I finally said to folks in my church, especially in leadership, I said, if you consider this to be my actions and my joining a strike for the betterment of people in our community, then I guess that I am a communist, if that is what it means to be a communist. I said, but I’m doing this because I believe that this is what God ordains, that this is what God desires, that we all get involved in this and support our brothers and sisters who are struggling for better compensation, and so on.

And I realized, I cannot stay in this congregation because I’m gonna be just a sore person for everybody because, nobody wanted to discuss with me. I will be quoting scripture left and right. And so people didn’t want to be told that the scripture actually does indeed sustain what I’m doing. So I decided, this is not helpful to them and it’s certainly not helpful to me.

So the community that I mentioned earlier that I have prayed to the Lord and the Lord provided became very much a community of faith for me and and we became a community for each other. When I finished college, I came to the US. And when I came to the US is when I started then exploring other churches, and then I became a member of the United Methodist Church in New York and the rest is history.

Rev. Ruth Perry (22:00)
For me, I started questioning the patriarchal theology I’d been taught and I got labeled a feminist, which I hadn’t been reading any feminists. It was the Bible. So that’s how people use those labels to push people out really who are questioning and rocking the boat and making others experience some discomfort with the system that they have in place. So who are some of the theologians and activists and writers and thinkers that influenced you as your faith was changing?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (22:26)
At the time when all this change was taking place, especially as I was still part of that church, interestingly enough, I didn’t have a whole lot of theologians who were supporting my my ideas, right? I remember reading, Francis Schaeffer that is sort of the theologian of the of the 70s, right? That every good conservative Christian was reading. My systematic theology was shaped by Louis Burkhoff, which was a theologian from the early 20th century. His book was the book on systematic theology. I was reading people like him and Francis Schaeffer and whatnot but like you said I found this reading the Bible.

I did not enter into this political process because I read this theologian or that theologian or that biblical scholar. No, I enter this journey because I read the Bible. And the Bible was challenging me to do something different and to respond differently to the world in which we live. It was the scripture that actually motivated me, because I gather from the scripture the idea that God is a God of justice and therefore we are called to do justice, right? If we are called just and justified, then my conclusion, was then we should be doing justice too, right?

And it was after I engage in this process of coming to do works of justice in the community. That’s when I started reading and encountering other theologians. And we had a wonderful Baptist pastor who was a professor at the university. And as we were exploring what the Bible says, he brought a copy of his doctoral dissertation, which he was working to publish. He just made a copy of the eighth chapter, he says, this might be helpful. And it was a chapter on biblical hermeneutics.

And since I liked the guy and I thought the guy was, an upstanding Christian man, I read the thing and it just blew my mind. It was a chapter specifically on liberation hermeneutics, and it just blew my mind. I said, how could it be that we that I’ve been in church all this time and we have never read anything like this. That was a very pro prolific writer in Puerto Rico. His name is Samuel Silva Gottai. He teaches on sociology of religion. And from then on I wanted to read other folks, and so I read Gustavo Gutiérrez, because of course I also wanted to read something that had to do with my cultural reality, right? The roots of where I am from, and in this case Latin America.

And so I started reading folks from Latin American context and little by little gaining access to these folks and these writers was an endeavor. Because you know, in the circles, my Christian circles where I was growing up, none of that was available. So you had to actually go out and find some of these folks. I of course read Moltmann. I also liked philosophy. So I was reading Nietzsche. I was reading Kierkegaard. I was reading, the classics of existentialism in the 19th and 20th century. Folks asking questions and challenging preconceived ideas, right? And it was just this wonderful moment of discovery.

And as a Christian in the 20th century, reading back into the nineteenth century and seeing these folks have been questioning, this is a journey. It’s been around us all the time. And we have been told that, no, this is a lineal thing, right? I mean, we started 2,000 years ago, and it just keeps going. And then seeing this reality of all these Christians challenging and questioning theology and biblical studies, that’s when I started to, awaken in me this idea that we had not been given all the information. We have not been even offered all the information about what’s available out there.

I was a Pentecostal fundamentalist, and the best theology that I had was given to me by Scofield in the Scofield Bible. That was the thing that every good fundamentalist will have. So I was a premillennial. I read all the things having to do with the second coming of Christ. That’s what we taught, that’s what we preached. It was our bread and butter.

But then starting to move away from not thinking that Jesus was not coming, simply thinking, there is more right to Jesus coming. And it is fine to, teach about Jesus’ returning, but what do we do in between? And when I started asking those questions, this is what everybody got extremely uncomfortable. But my readings really began after my discovery that the Bible had a whole lot more to teach than we have been taught.

Rev. Ruth Perry (26:50)
So now you’ve been in ministry for decades. I won’t say how many.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (26:54)
Yeah, not counting the time that I was a pastor in the Pentecostal church, I was ordained in nineteen eighty nine. I started my first appointment was in nineteen ninety. and I’ve been serving the church since then.

Rev. Ruth Perry (27:06)
So how do you articulate the gospel now?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (27:09)
Well, the gospel of Jesus Christ simply for me is a liberating gospel. The teachings of Jesus made clear his demand for the proclamation of the values of the kingdom of God. So if we hold truth to the values of the kingdom of God, which we find in Jesus’ teachings and throughout the New Testament, that’s what it means to live according to the gospel, right? That gospel that calls us to live a holy life.

With that understanding that holiness is not about how much I pray and how much I fast and how much I read the Bible, but actually holiness is based precisely on the idea that I love the other, right? That love is the thing that actually makes me truly a holy person when I love the other human being that is next to me, because our holiness is precisely inspired by God’s holiness.

A holiness that is based on the idea that God loves humankind and therefore is open to receive and welcome everyone. And so when I understood God’s holiness from that perspective and I understood what the gospel is requiring folks to do, is when I realized, this is about preaching the good news of the kingdom of God and living a holy life. And as John Wesley taught and then the Wesleyan movement have taught is that to be a holy person is to be a person who loves.

And if you spend your life in a monastery, which to each its own, but when I was doing my doctorate, and I was in a class on Christian spirituality. Some of the folks in the class were, district superintendents, and I was just a humble pastor. and these, pastors, these district superintendents talking about, the spiritual life of going to the mountain and spending months at a time or going on a year sabbatical and spending time in the monastery and praying and doing all those things. And I said, that’s nice. And once you do that, what do you do? What’s next? Because for me, holiness is to be people who love each other and that’s true holiness, people who are willing to sacrifice for each other. And if we teach the values of the kingdom of God, and help people to connect with the values of the kingdom of God, then it will lead us indeed to live a holy life.

As Christians, we cannot proclaim a message of salvation and the message of the good news without being willing to sacrifice in love for those whom God has called us to love and to serve. My doctoral dissertation was precisely on Wesleyan theology and its commitment to the poor or to the impoverished. The first part of my dissertation was the biblical foundation, right?

As a good fundamentalist, biblical foundation and then the rest of the stuff comes later. That’s what I have found is that this is the way we come to be closer to the message of Jesus Christ is when we indeed do what he called us to do. Live the way he called us to live and love each other the way he loved us. If we’re able to do that, then we certainly live a life of holiness and in the will of God. And, part of this is that because we accept that in humility, we also accept that, we’re going to fail.

This is not gonna be a straight line, if you do the following steps, one leads to two, two leads to three, and so on and so forth, and you’re gonna get it to ten. No, the reality is that it’s not like that. We don’t live in a lineal world, we live in a time in which the reality is more complex, and so we know that God is present through it all.

But we are indeed limited. And so accepting our limitations in that humility, we also accept that we’re gonna fail and we’re gonna mess up. But the important thing is that we are willing to redo, to retake, to redouble the effort to do the right thing. And the right thing can only be a right thing if we are able and willing to love each other the way that God has loved us, even to the point of death. So, it’s not a popular message. People don’t like the idea of suffering and giving up their lives.

But at the end of the day, this is what Jesus lived, and this is what he taught his disciples, and this is what we see in Paul, and we see throughout the New Testament. Anything that speaks about becoming, rich or wealthy, or anything that is about us gaining power and serving power so that we can dominate other people and we can bring everybody to their knees to praise our God missed the point. They missed the point. This is not about subjugation, this is not about oppression, this is not about showing that we are right and you are wrong, and therefore you need to come to my side.

No, this is about us being able to work with each other and then that loving of each other, realizing that we’re in this together, and God intervened in human history so that we can actually work with each other. And if Jesus died on the cross for all of us as we proclaim in the gospel, then it must be because God loves everyone. And so, how can the God who loves everyone not love the one who’s next to me? And who is different from me, who thinks differently than me? Well, it might be that that is the case, but it’s also the case that God indeed place me in this space so that I can be a part of that person’s life.

And I have to say in that humility is how much I have learned from other people of different faiths. How much I have learned from people that I did not think they were Christians and they have taught me what it means to be a Christian. And again, for me, it’s simply just accepting that we are not in control for God’s sake. I can’t control the results. if I could, the world will be a complete different place, right? But we cannot. And every time we try to do that, we simply show that what we’re looking for is to shape our church, to shape our society in our own image.

And that’s why we’re having so much trouble in the church and in society, right? Because we want to shape our society in our own image. And that goes across the board. I mean, this is something that applies to Christians and Jews and Muslims and anybody else. When you want the other to be just like you and on your terms, then oppression ensues. And the thing is, in the last two thousand years, we have changed.

Biblical studies have changed, understanding of the Bible has changed, understanding of our theology has changed. and it’s just amazing to think that there are people who still want to have a theology and a biblical understanding that is based on the first century. Even the people from the second century didn’t agree necessarily with what happened in the first century and so on.

But thinking that we can actually hold time and that things are gonna be just the way they were, and that that’s the only way that this is gonna be a godly experience, is denying the reality of the divine, and it’s imposing on God our will, our desires, right? Our our own understanding of what God is supposed to be about without allowing God to be God. Which again goes into the the same thing we do with each other. We want other people to just be like we are, to believe like we do, without allowing people their own agency, their own experience, and accepting the fact that, God is working on everybody. And so if we open ourselves to God, that it means that we can meet the folks where they are so that we can be pastors of the people where they are and we can provide the guidance that they need. And in that journey, even we might be able to learn a thing or two.

That’s that’s where I am, sister. That’s where I am.

Rev. Ruth Perry (34:46)
Well, I wanna ask one more question before we sign off.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (34:49)
Sure.

Rev. Ruth Perry (34:49)
So you’re coming from a background in the Pentecostal denomination and Pentecostalism and Charismatic churches are growing in a time when a lot of denominations are in decline and they emphasize the Holy Spirit. But then on the other hand there’s that whole seasoning of condemnation and building walls around the theology instead of building bridges towards people and loving neighbors of all kinds. So I’m curious, how do you see the Holy Spirit manifesting itself in mainline denominations like the United Methodist Church?

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (35:20)
Well, that’s a great question, Ruth. I see the Holy Spirit in the mainline churches, and specifically in the United Methodist Church, when we have come to that point of discovering that thing called humility, right? That we we we need to be humble. And therefore accepting also the possibility that God is working in spite of us, right? I think in all honesty, and this of course will be a point for debate for many folks, but I think that when we have opened ourselves to be an inclusive church, and I don’t mean simply gay and lesbian people, right? This is the inclusive church means how do we welcome everybody? Just by talking about the idea that we are a church that is welcoming those who have been rejected and despised and marginalized, I see the Holy Spirit working in our church through that.

When I see how leadership has increased in diversity. And I see the values of the diverse leadership we have in our churches and how they are helping us to grow. And I mean growth spiritually. I see the Holy Spirit moving in our church in that process. When I see churches that decide that they need to close their doors so that they can, turn their buildings into community centers because the community where they are need a community center more than they need a church and they realize that if they do that they will be a blessing to their community. I see the Holy Spirit working in them through that. I see the Holy Spirit working in the church and working in our denomination when we are willing to accept that we have sinned when we have tried to keep people out of our churches, that we have tried to tell people where they belong or not. And I see the Holy Spirit when I see churches that are opening themselves to experience the other fully, right? I see the Holy Spirit’s work on that.

Perhaps I just have also a little bit of a a discrepancy with the idea that Pentecostal churches are growing, at least not in my book. They’re not growing. They’re just experiencing the same things we’re experiencing in our churches, which is, people are not coming. And interestingly enough, it’s like the church, where I live, used to be a church that held between nine and a thousand people on worship on Sundays. And by the time I became their pastor they were a hundred and fifty to two hundred people on Sundays.

And they saw themselves in this, decline process, right? We see the Presbyterians and we see everybody just having issues with membership, right? One of the things that I learned is also counting who’s going to these other churches, independent churches, Pentecostal churches, what have you. Many of the folks who have left my church have gone to that other church. But even then is not the increase in conversions, right? It’s simply movement from one church to the other because I’m looking for a church that is more in line with my views than the one that I was at. And not necessarily that I found the Lord and you know and it’s just booming with people proclaiming that they have found the Lord.

You know, what I’m seeing right now in the US, is simply everybody is struggling with membership, or retaining membership. Even Joel Osteen’s church is losing members and some of the other mega churches that we have known from the nineties.

Even conservative churches are losing members. So this is just an ongoing reality that we are seeing in the US and in the American churches, and we just don’t want to sort of admit to that reality. And so we’re trying to give excuses, right? In some cases it’s well, as I was told in a church that I visited last year.

Our church is not growing, but the Pentecostal church down here, the independent church down there, and the non-denominational churches, they’re growing. And I challenged them. I said, Go and look and tell me if they’re actually growing, or if it’s because, people are moving from one church to this church.

And so they have more people because people have moved to this other church but not necessarily because they have gained new members, meaning people who were not church connected. In my experience, consistently, that’s what usually have happened in those communities.

We haven’t had the desire to actually look into what is it that we’re doing or not doing that is not inspiring people to connect with the Christian message. Until we’re willing to do that, we are going to continue losing members in our churches because more and more people don’t find the meaning of why do we need to go to church? Besides the fact that this is what we have been doing for the past 100 years. But if that’s all there is, and only takes a pandemic to send people back to their homes, and then they don’t want to go back to church. I can watch it on TV.

And so we’re having this interesting experience right now where we are decreasing in church attendance and it’s going to continue. When you see that the percentage of people that are part of the nones has increased to 35 percent of the US population.

These are not atheists, necessarily. And when you count the atheists and the agnostics and so on, the number is a little bit higher. But you have this huge number of people who decided they don’t need church anymore. It doesn’t mean necessarily that they’re atheists, it simply is that they’re not interested in church.

So when you look at that, it’s like, what are we going to be talking about? Why are people not interested in church? Which implies that we are going to be doing a self-examination of ourselves. What is it that we’re teaching? What is it that we are telling folks about the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ that is not jiving with people’s stories?

That is not making an impact, an inroad in people’s lives. I can say, I’ve been in prison ministry, I’ve been in different types of ministry in the life of the church, and I see the appeal when you are in deep crisis in your life, and how church can certainly be a wonderful place for people to become part of a community that welcomes them and sustains them and provides support for them. And those are part of our experiences. But you know, a lot of our people are not in that place. They’re not drug addicts, they’re not people who are in prison or coming out of prison. Most of our people happen to be regular Joes on the street. And they’re not interested in church.

And it’s not that they’re anti-religious, right? But it’s just church is no longer something that appeals to them, it’s not speaking to them. And what is it that we are saying and preaching and teaching that is not appealing to people on the street to help them make a connection, that what we preach and teach about this good news we proclaim is good news for them because they can’t see it.

And so, it becomes this really challenging experience right now, where we are living in this time, where we’re finding it really hard for folks to make a connection with the church. And we so we’re devising programs and we want to appeal to young people by having a contemporary service, right? I was watching last night the Elvis movie, Change of Habit, I think is the name of the movie.

This is the movie where Elvis is in New York, he’s a doctor and he’s working in this Puerto Rican community of all places, right? He’s working in the Puerto Rican community in New York as a doctor, and he’s committed to helping folks and a wonderful example of this message of, that commitment is exactly what makes a difference. This is in the sixties, so this is after Vatican II and nuns came into the community and they took off their habits. And they get involved in the community and in trying to make a difference, by being committed to working with the folks in the community.

At the end of the movie, the church was filled, and Elvis was singing in the front, was leading the congregation in singing and they have congas, they have drums and guitars, they have a great band and a backup singers, on the side. And I was telling my wife, look, that is an amazing ensemble in the church. And of course my cynicism is, and this is what we think is going to bring people to church.

If we change our way of doing things by bringing this new stuff, right? That is going to to help people make the connection. If you have better music in the church, the pews will be filled, right? This is sister act. You sing it and they will come, right? It’s not the message of the gospel. It’s not the teachings of the church. It’s just having something that is flashy that is going to bring people to church. And we have been struggling with this idea for over fifty years. We’ve been trying to do that again and again and again and the results are the same. It’s not working. And so, again, this is the challenge we’re finding as we try to engage the world. But we’re not engaging the world by even asking ourselves what is wrong with our message.

What is it that we’re not doing? What is it that we’re not saying to the world in which we live, where the world is not seeing a need for church? And by that same token, what is the need of us church? What is the purpose of us being a faith community? And what is it that we’re supposed to accomplish in this society in which we live? Is it simply or solely for the purpose of bringing us Christians into the church? Or is it something deeper, which is what my contention is? You know, if we’re talking about the mission of the United Methodist Church, to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. So, how are we working this out? Because right now we’re seeing a whole lot of things that are not transforming the world and is transforming the world, but not in the direction we were hoping for.

Rev. Ruth Perry (44:47)
Yeah.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (44:48)
And that is our biggest challenge right now.

Rev. Ruth Perry (44:50)
Yeah, I think that that’s so true that it’s about better theology, not better music or better presentation. But I think people are turned off of the culture warring and the fundamentalism and the condemnation and the judging and the good news of Jesus Christ, a God that’s love and that God loves them is what really is needed and appealing to people. And we need to get back to

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (45:12)
Amen.

Rev. Ruth Perry (45:13)
being a ministry of God’s love to our neighbors. So thank you so much, Pastor Eliezer, for becoming on the Beautiful Kingdom Builders podcast and speaking with me about your story and about your faith. And it’s really beautiful and I’m so glad that you were willing to share it. Thank you. Let me give you the last word before we sign off.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (45:31)
Ruth, thank you so much for doing this. As I’ve been hearing too many podcasts in the last several years, I’m feeling that this is a wonderful way of communicating something different that is not about how do we go back to the past because the past is always the best time, right? But actually how do we move to live into the future that God has installed for us? To me that is the most important thing. Just a recommendation for you.

Vanderbilt School of Theology has a wonderful program that is led by George Rieger and is precisely bringing the gospel of Jesus Christ into a different conversation today, by challenging the church, by challenging the institution to actually speak to the theology of the church. And I mean the theology of a church that is a tradition, right? This is a theology is not something that happened last year or the year before, 50 years ago.

Our theology is millennial. We have a history of theology that is exactly what we are just carrying over, right? And so one of the things that this institute at Vanderbilt is trying to do is to pursue that, is to speak about theology, but also to engage people in living

into what it means to be disciples of Jesus Christ. And there are a few other places around the country that are doing something similar. And the name of the organization, I’ll email it to you

Rev. Ruth Perry (46:49)
Yeah. I can put it in the show notes with a link so people can find that easy.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (46:54)
Again, as you were asking about, where I see the movement of the Holy Spirit. Well, I see the movement of the Holy Spirit in a group like that. I see the movement of the Holy Spirit in people who are teaching Bible on YouTube and in podcast. The Bible for Normal People has done a phenomenal job for the last 10 years helping folks to understand what the Bible is all about and what the Bible actually is teaching instead of what we have been taught for so many years that is misleading and is oppressive and so on. I see the Holy Spirit in many of those places, right? Because I see how people engage with those programs and I hear their testimonies, how God has used these platforms to strengthen their connections to the divine, but now in a non-oppressive fashion. And I think that, for me that is the Holy Spirit moving.

Rev. Ruth Perry (47:42)
This has been a delight. Thank you so much and God bless you.

Eliezer ValentínCastañón (47:45)
Thank you, Ruth. God bless.


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