Tag Archives: gender equality

oo5 I Dr. Roy Ciampa on Paul’s Household Instructions in Ephesians 5

My guest this week is my former Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary professor, Dr. Roy Ciampa, whose transformative class, Ephesians in Depth, has stayed with me over the years as my faith has grown and changed. In this conversation, we discuss the theological implications of Paul’s writings, the cultural context of the Greco-Roman world, and the significance of mutual submission in relationships. Dr. Ciampa shares insights from his academic background and teaching experiences, emphasizing the importance of understanding scripture in its historical context. The dialogue highlights the beauty of God’s love and grace, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own faith journeys and the role of women in ministry.

I think my favorite thing Dr. Ciampa said to me, was that Ephesians was “written in the key of worship.”

Dr. Ciampa mentions a document he compiled to help students understand first century Greco-Roman views of women and marriage, beginning with Old Testament and Classical Greek texts up through the time of the New Testament, so that NT texts might be better understood in light of the developing contexts. You can read that insightful document here. And find more of Dr. Ciampa’s scholarly writings on his website, viceregency.com.

You can watch our conversation on YouTube, or stream it on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and more–find all those links on Podlink! Please like, subscribe, rate and share with a friend if you found this interview helpful!

Transcript:

Ruth Perry (00:16)
This is a new thing for me and I appreciate you being one of my very first guests, Dr. Ciampa.

Roy Ciampa (00:22)
Well, I’m honored to be invited and hope this will be helpful to people.

Ruth Perry (00:26)
What I’m hoping to share on my podcast for my first season is I’m going to go back and have conversations with people who helped me as my faith has shifted and changed over the last 20 years. Because my background is very conservative, complementarian, traditional, But it’s changed a lot over the years through crises of faith and through cognitive dissonance that’s happened and different things that have gone on. And I’m just really grateful that my faith has remained strong because I’ve encountered people like you who’ve helped me to reimagine my faith and think about things differently.

Roy Ciampa (01:04)
That’s nice to hear.

Ruth Perry (01:04)
And so at the time that I had you as a professor, I was a complementarian student, pretty committed to that perspective. And I was an educational ministries student at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. And I think that I took Ephesians as one of my core theology classes. And it’s the only class that I encountered you as a professor. But looking back on my seminary experience, I really loved that class so much and the book of Ephesians has just remained my favorite book of the Bible.

And I’m really grateful that I had that experience because I didn’t have to learn Greek or Hebrew in seminary as an education student. And this was the only class where we really went through word by word and you taught how to parse Paul’s Greek into English and how to make sense of his run on sentences and you taught the importance of understanding the context of the passage. And I just learned so much from you. And so I’m really excited to talk about that with you today. But I thought before we get into that, I would like to know more about you. I don’t really know what your faith formation was like, your background, where you’re coming from. If you’d like to just go back and tell us a little bit about your own spiritual journey.

Roy Ciampa (02:15)
Sure, I’d be happy to. I grew up in an nominal Christian family. We went to church about once a year because my grandmother wanted us to. I was confirmed in a Congregational church when I was, I suppose, a young teenager. But it didn’t really mean much. I never really understood anything about the Bible.

I came to faith when I was in my first year of college, I owe it, a large part of it, I owe, I think, to next door neighbors who moved in when I was in middle school. Wonderful, dedicated Christians, the Monk family, and they had two sons, one a year older than me and one a year younger, Robert and Stuart. And the whole family just modeled for me, a wonderful Christian faith and love. And so they took me to evangelistic events.

But I didn’t think that I thought I was a Christian. I remember sitting during one, in a roller skating rink while somebody was speaking and we had our heads down and I’m saying that this isn’t for me. I’m already Christian. They’re not talking about me. I’m a Christian. Anyway, it was my first year of college. Some guys shared the gospel with me and I realized that this was the message that had transformed their lives and their family and I realized it was true and I was in need of it and so I trusted in the Lord and I was baptized, came to faith, I was discipled.

But I was in a very conservative context. I was listening to the guys that discipled me had me listening to some fundamentalist preachers. John R. Rice wrote a book I Am a Fundamentalist and after a year I felt like God was calling me into ministry and I went to Jerry Falwell’s school at the time was called Liberty Baptist College for a year. And then after a year there I transferred to Gordon College where I did my undergraduate degree.

By the time I graduated from Gordon College, well certainly I was no longer a fundamentalist, was I would say mainstream evangelical and probably still conservative on women’s issues but very open to other ways of understanding that issue.

I don’t really remember at what point, if it was near the end of my college experience or beginning of my seminary experience, I went to Denver Seminary, had some great mentors there. And I know while I was at Denver Seminary, I became a convinced egalitarian.

And that came out of various kinds of experiences. Part of it was coming to have a much better understanding of the world in which the New Testament was written, and especially Paul, in the context of his letters and the things that he says about women, among other things. And part of it was just understanding more broadly what theology would say about how I should relate to my own wife and other women as well.

But maybe we’ll get around to that later. After seminary, my wife and I were appointed to go overseas and we had two kids by then and we took our kids and we went to Portugal where I trained pastors. And overall, our time in Portugal span about 12 years, and in the middle of that, I spent a couple of years in Scotland doing my PhD.

I had wonderful time training pastors and Christian leaders in Portugal, worked with the Bible Society there to help with their contemporary Portuguese translation of the Bible. And then I was invited to go teach at Gordon-Conwell in 2001. So I taught the New Testament studies at Gordon-Conwell from 2001 to 2014. At a certain point became the Chair of the Division of Biblical Studies there.

And then after or 13 years there, I went and worked for four years for American Bible Society, training Bible translators and Bible translation consultants around the world. I still taught for Gordon Conwell on weekends while I was doing that, but my main gig was training Bible translators and Bible translation consultants. So that was a great experience, but I missed the full-time academic community.

So in 2018 I accepted the invitation to take on the role of Chair of the Religion Department which soon became the Department of Biblical and Religious Studies at Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama. But.

In 2024, I retired and moved back to New Hampshire, which is where my wife and I had had a place for a while, and it’s our happy place. And so I’m now a professor emeritus at Stanford University, and I teach a course a semester for Gordon Conwell. I’m teaching Interpreting the New Testament for Gordon Conwell on Thursdays right now. So I mean, that’s that’s more than you wanted, probably, but that’s kind of the overview.

Ruth Perry (06:38)
No, that’s great. Congratulations on retiring and then continuing your work.

Roy Ciampa (06:44)
Thank you. Well, there’s lots of what I’ve done that I love. I’m still writing books and articles and teaching one day a week scratches that itch. so it’s fun.

Ruth Perry (06:53)
I’m a Gordon College graduate myself. I was a music major there and the reason why I decided to study music was because I loved the church and I wanted to be in ministry and that’s where I saw women serving in the church. So I studied music and then I decided to go to Gordon Conwell in 2003 when I graduated from Gordon College because I still loved learning so much and I wanted to continue learning and in my conception of my ministry life, I always conceived myself as just being in volunteer ministry in the church. And that I would be a pastor’s wife, likely, or a missionary’s wife. I really wanted to live overseas. I went backpacking through Europe while I was in college, and Portugal was my favorite. I loved Portugal.

Roy Ciampa (07:41)
It’s a great country.

Ruth Perry (07:41)
And so I would have liked to have been a missionary or a musician, but those were really the only two ideas that I had in my brain that a woman could do in the church. I knew that I loved the church more than anything and I really wanted to serve the church. So that’s what brought me to Gordon-Conwell and brought me to your classroom. And it sounds like it was early on in your teaching there.

Roy Ciampa (08:00)
Yeah, it was early on at Gordon-Conwell. I taught for a number of years in Portugal, but that was in my early years at Gordon-Conwell, yes. And I remember that course called Ephesians in Depth, as I recall.

Ruth Perry (08:09)
It was in depth for sure. Yes. I remember we went word by word and we would, I can’t even remember how to explain what you did with us in the class. I was trying to find my class notes because I know that they’re in my basement somewhere. But I remember we parsed every sentence and figured out what the structure was. And you really brought it.

Roy Ciampa (08:29)
Ha

Ruth Perry (08:37)
It was hard work and it brought the book to life for me.

Roy Ciampa (08:41)
That’s so kind of you to say. I’m grateful to hear that.

Ruth Perry (08:43)
And it’s such a beautiful book. Ephesians, it just, the words that come to mind when I think about Ephesians is, Paul keeps talking about peace and love and unity and the power of the Holy Spirit and all the blessings that we’ve received from God. And it’s just such a beautiful theological grounding of then why we should follow Christ and live in a way worthy of the calling we’ve received.

And so I don’t know how much you want to talk about Ephesians itself before we get to the household codes in Ephesians 5. But what I really want to talk with you too for my Beautiful Kingdom Builders audience is the context of the book of Ephesians and what was going on in the cultural world at that time that would have helped the people who are hearing Paul’s message in that day understand it maybe differently than we understand it today.

Roy Ciampa (09:35)
Well, yeah, there’s a lot to talk about. So many different aspects of it. And I think one of the things, actually in our church, we’re in a small group right now that’s going through Ephesians. And so it’s been kind of fun to do that in a church Bible study again. But one of the things I think that’s key to Ephesians, you just have this joyful, kind of, I would say worshipful kind of tone to the whole thing.

Many people have pointed out that the letter has a different style than most of Paul’s letters. It has these kind of run-on sentences and these kind of complicated sentences. There’s lots of what we call pleonasms where you could say something simply, but in a pleonasm you could put up two or three different ways of saying it within the same sentence. So over and over again Paul will say we have kind of this blessing of redemption, the forgiveness of our sins. And it’s like, well, those are two different ways of talking about the same thing, or he’ll talk about within one line, he does this a couple of times in the opening part of Ephesians, that everything’s happened according to God’s purpose and his will and his choice. It’s like, well, those are just three different ways of saying God did what he wanted to do.

And I’m reminded that, We find examples of this in various contexts. We find it in poetry and we find it in worship music. An example I typically use is the song Majesty, Worship His Majesty. And if you go through that song over and over again, it finds different ways to say the same thing in new words. Kingdom authority, majesty, kingdom authority, so exalt, lift up on high. Those are two different things, they’re not. Exalt, lift up on high, the name of Jesus. Magnify, come glorify. What’s the difference between magnifying, it’s all the same thing.

Singing this is just a worshipful, excited, rich, different way of expressing yourself. And Paul begins the letter with what’s called a Jewish Baruchah, which in Hebrew would be blessed, be like Baruch HaTah, Adonai Eloheinu, blessed as the Lord our God. he starts out, blessed is the…

God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every blessing in Christ. And so I think the style is different and I think it’s different for a purpose because Paul’s wanting to express his theology in a very worshipful almost liturgical kind of way.

And it’s remarkable that he’s doing that while he’s under arrest. He says he’s in chains, which reminds us of Acts of course, when they’re imprisoned in Philippi and they end up singing songs and praising God in prison. And here Paul is, he’s in prison and he writes a letter and he writes it in the key of worship. And partly that’s because just who Paul is and partly because he’s writing to readers who are Gentiles, who are so far away from where Christianity began in Jerusalem and Judea. And they’ve got to be thinking as Gentiles, like their spiritual leader is now in prison and could lose his life.

What does this mean? Have they gotten themselves messed up with something they shouldn’t have? Has a train gone off the rails and they’ve got to be concerned about Paul. They’ve got to be concerned about what all this means. And here’s Paul, he writes from prison, he’s like, God’s plan is working itself out in this wonderful way and it’s such a blessing to me to be a part of this. let’s praise God for all the blessings that we have. And let me just list off some of these blessings for you.

And it really is, I think, meant to reassure the readers that… the train hasn’t gone off the rails, that God is in charge, that everything that they’ve experienced is part of God’s plan of redemption and of reconciling Jews and Gentiles together and to God, and that Paul is not at all, know, fretting or depressed or himself concerned that something’s gone wrong because he’s in prison, but he sees God’s hand in all of this. So I think that’s a, for me, that’s a very important part of the background.

And then you have to be careful because I’m tempted to try and lecture my way through a whole semester’s worth of stuff on Ephesians in one little conversation. But I do think, you know, that most people recognize that two halves of the letter have different tones and sometimes they describe the first half as doctrine and the second as practical teaching.

But an important key is that it’s not just that Paul decided to talk and discuss theology for a while and then look at his watch and said, well, that’s maybe enough theology for them. Maybe I should give them some practical stuff. And so let me talk practical stuff for a while. But the theology underwrites the practical part. That is, the theology, the first part is there to support everything he’s going to tell the church that they ought to be doing.

And the second part, they are organized organically related to each other. And the whole first part is about God’s grace, his mercy, his love, how he hasn’t treated us the way we deserve when we were, you know, children of wrath by nature. He hasn’t treated us that way, but he’s shown us love and mercy and grace and blessing upon blessing upon blessing. And then we get in the second half of the letter. And in my understanding, the second half of letter is primarily all about imitating God.

And so we get that theme early on how we should be imitators of God. We shouldn’t live like the Gentiles live. That’s one of the themes. But we should be imitators of God. And then he talks about how God has shown his love to us in Jesus Christ who gave himself for us and his love for us. And so we have sections that talk about how we should be one, united together as one body.

And then we have material talking about how we should and love and we should walk in the light and then later how we should walk in wisdom and then finally the last part is where we should put on the full armor of God and we look at those things they come what do these things have in common being one walking in love and light and wisdom well love and light are two main attributes of God God is love God is light

And then wisdom is another very well-known attribute of God, the all-wise one. And there’s large sections of scripture dedicated to wisdom and Proverbs 8 and elsewhere. And that’s understood to be an attribute of God. And then you think,

When we walk in love, we’re imitating God. When we walk in light, we’re imitating God. When we walk in wisdom, we’re imitating God and His wisdom. And then you realize that the full armor of God we’re supposed to put on is not just armor that God gives us, but the Old Testament background tells us this is the armor that God puts on. He puts on a helmet of salvation. He puts on a breastplate of righteousness. When he goes and he fights spiritual battles for his people. So even when we put on our spiritual armor, we’re still imitating God.

That earlier part about being one, it’s like, that’s right, God is one. So when we’re one, you there’s one God, one Lord, one baptism, and when we act as one, we’re also imitating God. So one of the greatest ways we imitate God then, when you understand the relationship between the first half of the letter and the second half, is by treating other people the way he’s treated us.

He hasn’t treated us as he could have, but he treated us with love, with mercy, with grace, over and over again. And this ends up becoming very important for, as you referred to, the household codes, because they’re a main theme is about how people in charge with authority treat people that in that culture were under them, wives were under their husbands and children under the parents and slaves under their masters. And so one of the main themes that comes out there is, again, the emphasis tends to be on the person with power, treating the one with less power with grace and mercy and not being harsh with them. But I mean, that raises all kinds of other questions about why do we have household codes and what’s this about?

We’re talking about household codes, we’re talking about slaves and masters. And we don’t have slaves and masters in our household. We think of those as something outside the family. You get your family, and then you get your employees or other people. But of course, that was part of the family. But hey, I’ve been going on for a while now, Ruth, so maybe feel free.

Ruth Perry (18:02)
No, you’re cooking. I’m enjoying it immensely. I was thinking about back to your class, I remember that before we got into the household codes, you started that passage in Ephesians 5.18, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing songs and hymns and spiritual songs to each other, making music in your heart to the Lord and always giving thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ. That all of those things were under that same heading of be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Roy Ciampa (18:42)
Yes, it is. And being filled with the Holy Spirit is under the heading of walking in wisdom. So, because it’s one of the things is if you look for the term walking, which is often translated as live, like live in love or live according to light. The metaphor is walking in the light and walking in love and walking in children of light or walk wisely. And then the wisdom part underneath that is all the stuff about being filled with the spirit and submitting to one another.

And then so all that stuff about husbands and wives and parents and children and masters and slaves comes under the submitting to one another part, which comes under the being filled with the Holy Spirit part, which comes under the walking in wisdom part.

And it’s Paul providing his readers with wisdom about how to live in family in the first century Ephesian or, you know, Greco-Roman context. And of course, it’s important that context is radically different from ours.

Ruth Perry (19:44)
Can you describe that context for us.

Roy Ciampa (19:47)
Sure. Well, in a few different ways. Maybe one way to start is by, just as we were already kind of hinting at…

that when we talk about a household code, we do talk about husbands and wives and parents and children and masters and slaves because the household was very differently structured than we think of it today. That many households, they had slaves within the household and they’d have also freed men and free women in some cases in the household as well. And so we think of a household typically as, you know, parents and their children and nuclear family.

And sometimes we think of the extended family as well. Maybe there are grandparents around or something. But we don’t think of parents and children and slaves and freed men and women as part of a household. But that is a part of what a fairly well-to-do or a somewhat well-to-do household would have all those components. And then, you know, we realize

When people preach through Ephesians, when they get to the stuff about slaves and masters, they realize what we don’t approve of masters and slaves today. And so if they’re to preach on that, they kind of adapt it and say, well, this might apply to like employees and employers and that sort of thing. And so here we can get some wisdom for how we can relate to each other as employees and employers. And maybe there’s it’s OK. But it’s really important to point out that employees are not slaves and employers are not masters. And so you have to make adaptations.

You can’t just say all the employers shouldn’t treat the employees the way Paul thought, you know, masters should treat slaves. And we have to be reminded that Paul’s not endorsing slavery, but early Christians were living in a world where this is just part of the social fabric. They weren’t put in charge. They weren’t asked to take over the social fabric and restructure it. They had to learn how can they live as Christians within that social fabric and within these institutions. And so Paul provides wisdom for those who are in these situations.

But as I was saying, when we get to that stuff about masters and slaves, people say, we have to make adjustments. We can’t just apply that to employees and employers because that’s not the same thing. But when we preach about husbands and wives, people look around and say, I know husbands and wives, and many of us will say, well, I’m a husband or I’m a wife and I have a wife or a husband. And so they’re all around us. So when he starts talking about husbands and wives, we’re like, okay, we know what he’s talking about.

This is something very familiar to all of us, except that it isn’t because marriage has evolved in many ways. And so to go back and realize that in the Greco-Roman world, Men didn’t typically marry until they were 28 to 30 years old. And partly because there was no expectation with the double standard that’s typical in all of history, the double standard with regard to sex is that men weren’t expected to remain pure or virgins until marriage. They had access to prostitutes and household slaves and other sexual outlets and that wasn’t considered a problem by most people in the Greco-Roman world. Whereas women were expected to be married shortly after going through puberty.

When I was in class, I have like a 40 page document, you may or may not recall of this kind of material from the Old Testament and quotes from the Greco-Roman world and different sources where people are talking about husbands and wives and it talks about age at marriage and it talks about, you know, the understanding that it’s good if a woman or girl can know how to carry on a conversation and maybe do a little bit of sewing, a little bit of cooking, but that’s about it because she’s supposed to learn everything she learns from her husband that she’s supposed to be like a tabla rasa, she’s supposed to be like a blank slate on whom the husband can leave his impressions.

I was just reading, reviewing again because something came up on social media. I don’t remember what it was anymore, but it was about, that’s what it was, this woman’s book recently. A woman wrote a book on misogyny in America and the publisher accidentally put out an ad or an email inviting people to submit for exam copies. whoever prepared the text for that forgot to replace the name of the author from a previous book they must have worked on. And so they had the title of the book in the book cover, but the author’s name was a man who hadn’t written anything like this, who writes in very different subjects.

So here’s a book on misogyny in the church, and the publisher puts out something that attributes it to a man instead of the woman who wrote it, and reminded me of this ancient… thing about somebody who’s talking about some man’s wife who’s a man who’s great at poetry and he’s presented some poetry from his wife and he claims that his wife wrote this wonderful poetry and this person’s saying it’s great poetry but you know I’m not sure if his wife really wrote it but either way the husband deserves the credit because either he’s the one who really wrote it or He’s the one that taught her.

So whatever the woman produces, it’s always back to the man. Because again, she’s expected to have learned whatever she knows through her husband, a woman getting married right after puberty and a man not marrying until he’s 28 or 30 years old. There’s a huge difference, not only in age, but maturity, knowledge of the world and in the Greco-Roman world, the extent to which women were expected to be more or less confined to the home, whereas men could go anywhere and could have a greater education so their knowledge of the world is different. Their human development at marriage and then throughout marriage. You might say, 10 years later it’ll be different. Well, 10 years later they still, they would have already formed a kind of relationship where he’s practically like a parent.

The husband’s practically a parent or Ben Witherington describes it as almost an uncle-niece relationship between a husband and wife at that time. And that changes a lot. I mean, that helps you understand all kinds of things in the New Testament when people are talking about how husbands and wives should relate to each other. It’s a significant thing in terms of submission if the wife has always only been kind of tutored by her husband and taught by him and mentored by him.

You know, three stages of human development behind him, then it’s natural that the man’s going to be treated as though he’s more knowledgeable, wiser, more experienced, better able to provide any kind of leadership needed, and that that’s the role that he should have. Which brings us back to that whole thing about love and mercy.

One of things that I realized when I started looking through these texts and thinking about it more was if one of the main themes of the letter is that we should treat each other as Christ and God has treated us, if my wife is my peer, which is something that just was not normally ever the case in the Greco-Roman world, right? We were just talking about that. But my wife is more or less my age. She has the same experience of the world. She hasn’t been cooped up at home. She’s got college education. She has, a master’s degree. She’s wiser than I am on many things and just as intelligent as I am. If she’s my peer in every way, does Jesus, does God really want us to pretend as though I’m much wiser and more knowledgeable than she is and better able to lead in every situation than she is?

Because that was the traditional slot of a wife in first century Ephesus and the slot of a husband in first century Ephesus or should I actually treat her for who she really is? And to recognize her strengths and her knowledge and her wisdom and her abilities. And this relates to something I’ve sometimes referred to as the mapping of identities. That is, we look at women today and we map onto them the identity we find of a wife in the first century Ephesus. We look at a husband today and we map onto them the identity of a husband in first century Ephesus. And we do that in other ways as well. I have an whole article about ways in which this mapping of identities can create real problems.

But I don’t think I should ask my wife to try and fill a slot from a different culture and time, asks her to treat me and asks me to treat her as though we are so different, as though we are as different as the first century Greco-Roman husband and wife, when in fact we’re actually peers. And then I’d go back and realize that if this whole second part is about learning how to treat other people…as God has treated us, and I realize, well, even if you look at the household code, the instructions to husbands and wives aren’t exactly the same as the husbands to parents and children, and neither of those are the same as the instructions to slaves and masters. So Paul recognized that although we’re all supposed to be Christ-like and treat others in Christ-like ways, the nature of the relationship is going to impact what that looks like.

And so the first century Greco-Roman husband-wife relationship is different from the parent-child relationship is different from the slave-master relationship. So Paul provides different instructions. So then I begin to think and realize, well, then we can treat this as a case study.

We have at least three case studies and what it means to apply Christ-like, God-like love and mercy and grace to other people. And it’s one thing in the marriage, one thing with the children, another thing with masters and slaves. Maybe it would be something else if it was with a spouse who is my peer and who is as intelligent and wise and able to lead and do other things as I am, as my same age, same experience of the world, what would it then mean for me to treat her in a Christ-like way and for her to treat me in a Christ-like way and not try to fit them into some…

You know, I’m reminded we have a two and a half year old granddaughter, you know, those cubes you get that have the different shapes, there’s the triangle and there’s the square and the rectangle and the star and you have the blocks, you’re trying to fit them through the right shapes, you know, and I feel like lots of times they’re taking, you know, modern men and women who are very different shapes and we’re trying to fit them into the shapes of the first century husband and wife, male and female.

And those pieces just don’t fit. And the key question still comes back to, if I’m looking at the second half of Ephesians, I’m learning how to walk wisely in acting in Christ-like ways towards people around me.

And so there lots of different relationships. There’s the student athlete relationship. There’s the police officer citizen relationship. There’s the teacher student relationship. There’s the husband wife relationship. There’s the employee employee employee relationship. And all of these we learn how to treat each other in loving ways. But we don’t have to find some first century Greco-Roman slot to fit people into to make that relationship match the one we have.

Ruth Perry (31:02)
I feel like the way my brain works is that I have a sieve inside my brain and when I go to class I learn the information and it all goes away. But for some reason I really latched on to all of that that you taught 20 years ago and then I went off and I got married the next year and it just fell completely into traditional rules because that’s what I grown up with and that’s what had been modeled to me and same for my husband. And so it was just natural to not even think about how we’re going to relate to each other. We just fell into the traditional rules that we had been taught through example and direct teaching. And almost immediately for me as the woman, I could recognize that my voice was diminished, my importance was diminished, and it created some cognitive dissonance for me. But I didn’t, I just tolerated it. I didn’t really rock the boat any.

And then we had another experience early on in our marriage. I’m thinking maybe three or four years after we got married, our church had a really terrible conflict and split. My dad was a pastor and so it was deeply personal. And you’re teaching again on the book of Ephesians. I looked at that experience and it was a traditional church structure with men in leadership. And it was clear as day to me that if the women had a voice and a place at the table in that conflict, things wouldn’t have been as ugly as they were and as destructive and terrible. And so those two things, like my early marriage years and walking through that church conflict,

The importance of your teaching on the book of Ephesians really snapped into place for me crystal clear that if we are walking in a manner worthy of the calling we’ve received, we’re going to submit to one another, male, female, slave, free, Gentile. Like there’s no distinctions that if we’re truly living in the way that God has called us to live, that we’re going to love each other. And that means we’re going to listen to each other’s voices, that every voice has a place and has value.

And we’re going to submit the mutual submission piece that we often gloss straight over and go into, OK, but wives, you’re submitting, and then the husband is the head.

Roy Ciampa (33:12)
Mm-hmm. Right, yes. No, it really, it ends up being, and I hate to say it, but in many cases, not a loving sort of thing, but a very obedience, command-centered sort of thing, which kind of is pushing them back against the grain of the letter as a whole, and the way I understand the theology of the letter as a whole.

By the way, one of the key texts that I think is helpful for thinking about this is in 1 Corinthians chapter 14, where Paul has that part that says, and some people think that this doesn’t belong in the Bible, and I don’t know what you think, but I think verses 34 and 35 are supposed to be there. But it’s the part that says women should remain silent in the churches, they’re not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.

They want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home, for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. Now Paul had already taught that both men and women could pray and prophesy, right, back in chapter 11. And that’s remarkable in itself because a lot of people look at 1 Corinthians 11, they think, because it starts off about who’s the head of who, who’s the head you know, God is the head of Christ, who’s the head of the man, who’s head of the woman. it sounds like, okay, yeah, very much what sort of subordination here and all this sort of thing.

But when he actually gets into it, he talks about ministry in just two terms, prayer and prophecy. Gordon Fee has suggested, and I think he’s probably right, that those are like big terms for discourse directed to God. That’s prayer and discourse directed at the congregation, which is prophecy. But in any case, those are the only two things he talks about. And he says both men and women can do it. They just have to dress appropriately when they’re doing it. So there’s nothing in there about any kinds of ministries that men can do that women can’t.

But anyway, so he’s already said that they can pray and prophesy. So what’s this all about? They should remain silent. And so obviously he’s not speaking about speaking in general. He has certain kinds of speaking. And in that very passage, he says, if they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home. Well, that may be the hint that what he’s talking about is women who don’t understand something that’s going on.

Again, remember the women would have less education, less experience of the world, less knowledge of what’s going on around them. And if they don’t know what’s going on and they’re asking questions that are interrupting them in the church, and in that culture, for a woman to ask another man, somebody else’s husband their question, would be really offensive and would raise all kinds of concerns. Anyway, so.

If that’s what’s going on, Paul says if they have things they should inquire of their own husbands at home. Now, you know, I may have said this when I taught you in class, but I mean, I’ve been teaching since, you know, a full-time teacher since I suppose I started in 1991. And I don’t know how many times I could have said, having both a husband and a wife in my class, I could have said to the husband, if you’re not getting all this, you might ask your wife to explain it to you when you get home.

I’ve very often had husbands and wives in the class and it’s not unusual for the wife to understand things better than to be more academically strong than the husband is. I could never say, you know, if any of the women here don’t understand what I’m talking about, why don’t you ask your own husband at home? not that I couldn’t just say it because it wouldn’t be politically correct, but it would just be stupid.

And I’m not saying Paul’s stupid, The expression assumes a culture and a context where the husband can be virtually guaranteed to know more and understand things better than their wife, which is perfectly reasonable for the Greco-Roman context of Corinth that Paul’s speaking to, not Corinth and Ephesus and the whole world in which Paul’s speaking because of this age and education and experience gap that we talked about at the beginning of our conversation. So a verse like that makes perfectly good sense in that context, but would make absolutely no sense in a world where men and women can both be educated and experienced And so again, I think it really is a problem of, I think, very harmful biblical interpretation when

We end up trying to act as though we are living in roles that were filled by first century people. And we’re gonna figure out how to treat each other in those roles as opposed to treating people for who they actually are. And that’s at the core of love, isn’t it? To know someone, to respect them for who they are, for what they bring to the table, and to learn from each other and to submit to each other.

And that’s really a large part of what effusions is about.

Ruth Perry (38:10)
I think from my background being very conservative, there was a lot of warning against listening to people who didn’t share traditional values because they were being influenced by the culture around them or they were playing fast and loose with scripture and they weren’t taking the word of God seriously or this or that. Like there were so many warnings against listening to someone who might suggest mutual submission or sharing authority between men and women in ministry and in the home.

And in my experience, just with my encounter of you, Dr. Ciampa and since you, many other egalitarian scholars and pastors, they’ve all taken the word of God seriously, and their life has shown the fruit of the Spirit in ways that isn’t always readily witnessed in other people’s lives who are really clinging to the authority structures and having power over others. And so I’m really grateful that I took this Ephesians class with you 20 something years ago and that I remembered all the information even though I compartmentalized it at the time and filed it away and went on with my traditional ways. I’m grateful that it was accessible when I needed it and when things started falling apart. And so then I didn’t just say Well, if this is what Christianity is, I don’t want it. But I could imagine a more beautiful Christianity because of what you had taught me.

Roy Ciampa (39:42)
That’s very kind, but I think that it is very sad to see people turning away from Christianity because the presentation they’ve received is not wholesome, it’s not healthy, it’s not edifying. And too often it is, as you said, very much about power and who can have power. And so it’s very sad to see large parts of a whole generation are more that are turning away from the church because of the way the church in Christianity has been presented, which is sad. And we do think it’s such a beautiful thing. The truth of God’s grace and the grace that he teaches us to live by ought to be something that ought to attract people from all over the globe to this great God of love and grace and mercy who’s worthy of all our praise.

Ruth Perry (40:30)
the message of Ephesians is speaking to us today. And I pray we all have ears to hear.

Where can we find your papers and your writing? Dr. Ciampa, do you have a website or do you have the online presence?

Roy Ciampa (40:43)
I have a website. Yeah, actually, but it’s not it’s just a purely pedagogical sort of thing. And I, and I’ve spent hundreds of hours, if not thousands, thousands in the heyday of my career. So I have a I have a website called viceregency.com And the.com is a joke, because I’ve never done any commercial stuff with it. should be a.org. But I have vice regency.com. And then it’s it’s all links to different things you can learn from and

Maybe I’ll go there and add a link to this paper. I’ll tell you what, I’ll send it to you in case there’s some place you want to post it on, on anything you’re doing.

Ruth Perry (41:20)
I have a Facebook page called the Beautiful Kingdom Builders. I will put it there and I want to give you the last word before we sign off.

Roy Ciampa (41:31)
Well, thank you for having me. It’s been a blessing to be with you and it is anything I can do to help people see how great and marvelous, as Paul was trying to say in Ephesians, how beyond anything we can imagine is the love of God, how deep and high and wide, and in every dimension you can imagine this love of God that we find in Jesus Christ and the mercy and love that it teaches us to express towards others.

May God advance that through the knowledge of Jesus Christ. So thanks for having me.

Ruth Perry (42:02)
Thank you so much. Amen. Have a great time in your retirement and as you continue to teach. Thank you so much. Bye.

Roy Ciampa (42:08)
Thank you very much. Bye bye.


Thanks for visiting The Beautiful Kingdom Builders and listening to this podcast episode. You can subscribe by email here up on the far right of this blog, and find TBKB on all your favorite podcasting and social media platforms. God bless!

004 I Scott Harris on the Good News and Reflections on the Church

In this conversation, my friend Scott Harris shares his journey of faith, discussing his upbringing in a mainline Protestant church, his college experiences, and his perspective on the challenges faced by the church today after 42 years in parachurch ministry. He emphasizes the importance of following Jesus and articulating the gospel in a way that resonates with contemporary issues. The discussion also touches on the need for the church to adapt and address the concerns of those leaving it, while promoting a message of love for God and neighbor.

Scott mentions reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity as he was making his faith his own as a young man, we talk about our Clifton StrengthsFinder results and Enneagram numbers. and Scott recommends the book Kingdom Come: How Jesus Wants to Change the World by Allen M. Wakabayashi (available here). I’ve purchased a copy and look forward to reading it in the new year!

You can watch this episode on YouTube or listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube Music, and more!

Transcript:

Ruth Perry (00:15)
I would love to just know more about my friend Scott that I’ve been in Bible studies with online and I’ve met online, but we’ve never met in person. And I know little things about your life, but I don’t know the Scott Harris story and what your testimony is.

Scott Harris (00:23)
I’ve been around a long time. I guess you had mentioned, knowing a little bit about my background, I think I’ll summarize and say that I grew up in Northern Illinois in a family attending a mainline Protestant church, a believing mother, a non-believing father, both of whom were from Texas. So I have heritage in more than one part of the country.

To go further ahead, when I was in high school, my family moved to Indiana where the state that I currently live in, and we began attending a mainline Presbyterian church, but not just any mainline Presbyterian church, a church where there was a desire to help people, younger and older to make personal decisions to belong to Jesus. That wasn’t the terminology they used, but it was a call for me and all kinds of others. So high school age, it was a call for me and lots of others to make specific decisions. I found that very difficult. of the difficulties I had was understanding evangelical jargon because I was told, all you have to, in fact I think I’m quoting my brother, all you have to do is accept Jesus into your heart. For people with some kinds of church backgrounds that make sense, for others it doesn’t mean very much, it’s just an odd collection of words together. I struggled for some time to figure out what that meant.

A pastor recommended, since I was asking questions, to read C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity. I kind of read through that during my senior year in high school. That wasn’t the only factor, but a number of factors came together that I found myself coming to some kind of faith about the time I entered high school. I entered college as a heartfelt Christian and sought to grow as a Christian from there. Am I telling you information you want to know, Ruth?

Ruth Perry (02:38)
Yes, this is, I personally want to know. Now I’m thinking, I grew up more conservative and I’m kind of curious to know the way that mainline Protestants were spoken of or thought of in my experience is that you don’t even believe in Jesus Christ as a supernatural God being. And so in your experience, was your mainline faith orthodox? I think there’s so many biases among the more conservative minded that I’ve had to undo myself, but that’s like an initial question that I have.

Scott Harris (03:14)
First of all, to be fair, I’m not a master of mainline Protestantism, but of course we need to recognize that it is very diverse. in any individual mainline Protestant church of any size, you have a diverse congregation of people with differing levels, maybe of orthodoxy, if we want to use that word. It’s nonetheless unfair to just…

gather a little bit of data together to judge people’s orthodoxy. You can’t judge orthodoxy by litmus tests. I think also leadership of mainline Protestant churches come from variety of backgrounds and they study at a variety of seminaries and so you can’t put all of them in one category. And then there are the different denominations.

Okay, the church I grew up in childhood, which I’m calling a mainline Protestant church in northern Illinois, I was of an age that I don’t remember many things by which I can determine just how orthodox they were or not. I’m sure it was a variety of people from a variety of backgrounds. It was when my family moved to Indiana that I would say the mainline Presbyterian Church staff was quite orthodox. They believed in God. They believed in Jesus. If you wanted to use the jargon as Lord and Savior. And it was clear over and over again and it was a priority of their youth program not to give altar calls, not to put pressure on, but to make it clear again and again that it was a personal decision that we needed to make. So it was evangelistic in that sense. So I can neither confirm nor deny conservative churches’ of mainline Protestantism. There is a diversity in it.

Ruth Perry (04:59)
I think that’s very true because I’ve just been working in the United Methodist Church now for a couple years. And I think it’s been a little surprising for me just to see how conservative the people, like they’re so evangelical. And so that’s been surprising. It’s also been surprising to me how many people have moved to the United Methodist Church from other denominations that are serving in ministry, as you said. And so culturally it’s interesting to me how strong evangelicalism’s influence has been in the mainline church.

Scott Harris (05:23)
Yeah. Yeah, and for moving to Indiana and beginning to do full-time ministry in Indiana, it became very clear, at least in my part of the state, that the United Methodist Church was highly evangelical in its leadership and in its membership. I worked at a university that had a lot of people coming from rural areas, and those rural Methodist churches were rather conservative in a number of ways. Other places in the state it might be different and other parts of Methodism of course are different.

Ruth Perry (06:04)
That sounds really wonderful that you were encouraged to make your faith your own and that you went to college as a strong believer because I know in your work I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of students haven’t had that kind of formation. So that’s wonderful.

Scott Harris (06:19)
Yes. So I entered a small liberal arts college. lived in a fraternity only because it was an all-male college and listeners of this podcast will be able to figure out what college it was. I’m very glad to have attended it. I found myself really valuing what I would call Christian fellowship at the time. Interdenominational connections with people from a variety of church backgrounds that wanted to encourage each other in knowing God, knowing the Bible, and following the ways that God directs us through the Bible.

I don’t think I would have used those terms at the time, but that was a very rich experience for me, and because I desired it so much, I created a lot of it, or I catalyzed a lot of it. I was somebody who found Christians around campus in my fraternity and other fraternities that were interested in meeting together. And I was not the first person to do this, but under some of my leadership, we got an actual campus organization functioning that functioned as an ongoing organization my third and fourth years in college.

Ruth Perry (07:33)
Fantastic. What would you call that gift? I know you have it. I mean, is it hospitality?

Scott Harris (07:38)
I would not say I’m gifted in hospitality. I would call it networking. Some people who are like me who have done the Clifton Strengths Finder test rate high in Connectedness, if anybody is aware of that. So you and I are similar in that sense. That has driven me in a lot of ways before I had a label on it, but I’ve always called myself a networker.

Ruth Perry (07:52)
I rated high on Connectedness. What are your other Clifton strengths?

Scott Harris (08:05)
My goodness, what an excellent question. I don’t remember the specifics of the top five or whatever. I took the test twice and Connectedness rated first both times. That’s why I labeled as number one. Four out of the five were exactly the same in each one. And the other three of the top four, even though I don’t remember their names, if you put them all together, it means I have a very easy tendency to be a smart aleck. I have a very easy tendency to want to learn things and tell other people things that I learned. It’s, I guess Communication is one of them, which is basically oral communication in the StrengthsFinder. Another one has to do with Learning. So I like to learn and I like to communicate what I learn and I’m talkative and I’m long-winded and I’m an external processor. It all measures up in my top strengths of the StrengthsFinder.

Ruth Perry (09:04)
Did you ever look into the Enneagram and what your number is there?

Scott Harris (09:08)
Yes, my wife has been helped a lot by the Enneagram. Lots of colleagues of mine are. I don’t know many things about it, but I do recognize that I align as a nine. I don’t know whether I’m a eight wing or a one wing, but I recognize nine-ness.

Ruth Perry (09:28)
Cool. Well that’s beautiful. Now I’m thinking about what are the other things? There’s the DISC. Have you done that? What else?

Scott Harris (09:34)
I don’t remember DISC and Myers-Briggs, if you want to go back in time, my Myers-Briggs has changed over time. I think it’s changed in part because I’ve done the same kind of work for 42 years and my personality has adapted to it. I don’t think Myers-Briggs is supposed to be like that, but when I first took it, I was kind of close
to the border between introvert and extrovert, but now I’m a massive extrovert in various ways because it’s been, it’s useful for my work to function as an extrovert. Has that rewired my brain? I don’t know, but unfortunately for this conversation, I don’t remember where I rate them the three other categories.

Ruth Perry (10:19)
Does your social battery ever dry up?

Scott Harris (10:22)
I’m of a certain age and I admit that the older I get, less capacity my social battery has. And maybe that’s just physical fatigue. I get energized by people, but I also get tired out by people things and I do have a desire to retreat. Maybe that’s made me a more healthy, balanced person. I don’t know.

Ruth Perry (10:33)
Yeah. So as a college person, you had made your faith your own. You were already exercising your gifts and bringing others into a community with you to have fellowship and grow and learn together. That’s all very cool. How would you describe your faith at that time, like with theological terms, like were you Arminian or Calvinist or?

Scott Harris (11:05)
Okay, these are very good questions and I can kind of say none of the above to that kind of thing. Let me give a more satisfying answer by saying the non-denominationality or the inter-denominationality of the organization I was with and still am and the influences I came under and the reading, the little bit of reading I did did not focus me or cornering me into very many specific categories. So I was neither trained to be Calvinist nor Armenian. If you want to talk about categories, you know, decades into the work, you can throw the category of Anabaptism as something that kind of slowly has grown and it’s influence over me.

In the evangelical world that I was in, dispensationalism is something that is kind of a default setting for lots of people in some areas of theology. I have grown, I never was particularly dispensationalist and now I’m very non-dispensationalist with time. And I think in my work I have chosen to not align myself in very many specific ways with doctrinal movements.

I do have a little master’s degree in biblical and theological studies and a master of arts degree, but it was at an institution that did not try to train me in any doctrinal settings. So I still am quite non-denominational.

Ruth Perry (12:39)
That’s great.

Scott Harris (12:39)
Although that’s in my thinking and in my theology, I do value belonging to denominations, but working with Christians from a variety of backgrounds, I love working in a non-denominational organization.

Ruth Perry (12:54)
How would you describe…Do you feel like, I think a lot of people are drawn out of denominations right now because of our, like we’re distrustful of institutions. We recognize that one institution hasn’t figured it all out. And so we want to be more open. How do you feel about denominations that kind of plant seemingly non-denominational churches, but they’re rooted in a deep, point of view.

Scott Harris (13:20)
Yeah, I don’t have a lot of opinions on this, but it is a very good question. I will briefly say that I value not getting too specific in what you require of members of an organization. I also value very specific theological education and thought and study for leaders. Those might be kind of paradoxical, but

It’s what I think. One of the things I value most about denominations is what I guess I would call accountability. In a denominator, even though there are different structures of polity in denominations, ultimately you are responsible to some kind of leadership within your denomination and you can be held accountable. And I guess a few years ago, I may not have recognized that value of denominations, but because of so much harm, and I guess I would say leadership abuse coming from the non-denominational world, it gives me a rising value of denominational accountability, even though I’ve never been a part of it. I’ve thought about getting licensed, I’ve never really thought about getting ordained, different denominations do it in different ways. It might be something I would do in the future, but I’ve never been a regular preacher or teacher or overseer of theological discourse. So at this point in time I haven’t sought to align myself with a denomination. I do go to a denominational church.

Ruth Perry (14:52)
So how did you and your wife meet?

Scott Harris (14:53)
What a good question. I was a few years into my doing college ministry and she was actually one of the students who became a leader student in the student group. And as is really good conventional wisdom, staff members working with college ministry should not date or fraternize or whatever you want to call it with members of the group, age difference.

Power Differential, I actually went to work overseas and after a few years of overseas work with her being one of the people I kept in contact with, I found, I guess you’d call it romantic feelings growing. And so after I was overseas for a while and after she had finished college for a while, we brought up the topic of maybe starting today.

It was interesting because this took place overseas. This conversation took place in the suburbs of Paris, France. And we began, she was just visiting there and we got together because she knew me. She was visiting with a friend. And we began a long distance relationship kind of knowing the advantages and disadvantages of them to some degree and this is so far back in time That long distance phone calls were quite expensive We did write some letters, but the most satisfying communication we had as a long distance dating couple was to record and send audio cassette tapes in the mail to each other

Ruth Perry (16:23)
Yeah. How cute is that?

Scott Harris (16:36)
We, very cute, I confirm. We actually have some of the cassettes recorded over. We have a handful of those cassettes in a Ziploc bag and some stuff we’ve stored away. And our adult daughter, young adult daughter, has actually listened to some of them and takes great joy in listening to us. We don’t just say gooey romantic things to each other. We’re giving updates on what’s going on in our lives.

Ruth Perry (16:46)
Yeah. Yeah!

Scott Harris (17:03)
And so she gets a glimpse into the past of her parents.

Ruth Perry (17:07)
That’s beautiful. So you’ve been in ministry for 42 years.

Scott Harris (17:11)
Correct.

Ruth Perry (17:12)
And I, one of my, I think one of the driving forces behind me wanting to podcast is just the sheer number of people who’ve left the church in the last several decades. And so this is what I want to address with my podcast is how can we address the issues that are driving people out of the church.

And what can we do to build a more beautiful kingdom in the United States, particularly as my location, but in the world, obviously. I feel like it’s not just the issues that we’re having here in America are in some ways very unique to our situation, but they’re also leaking out into the world in harmful ways. And that…

Scott Harris (17:52)
Hmm.

Ruth Perry (17:53)
I think that’s something that I really appreciated about our friendship. I’m not sure exactly how we got connected, but I’ve made all these little connections on the internet. And with someone with your giftings, I could see how I know that you invited me into a book study that you were doing with some of your Facebook friends. But I’m assuming that we became Facebook friends because of the Beautiful Kingdom Builders page, that maybe that’s our initial connection was.

Scott Harris (18:20)
a networker, as a networker, undoubtedly a friend of mine had posted something from it I wouldn’t be able to say and I began to follow and like what I found there. That’s undoubtedly the beginning of

Ruth Perry (18:20)
I comment, what’s that? As a networker.

Well now I have really appreciated your friendship Scott because what is the thing that you say when you post things? You always share things and you say, this challenges me to follow Jesus Christ. ⁓ Let me see, do you know it off the top of your head what you say?

Scott Harris (18:49)
Yes. I have lengthened it recently, but the older version is this challenges me to follow Jesus and his ways fully above all else, including many things many Christians consider important.

Ruth Perry (19:09)
And then you’ll share a quote or an article or something newsworthy that’s happening. ⁓

Scott Harris (19:17)
or something from

the beautiful Kingdom Builders.

Ruth Perry (19:20)
Well, actually half of the things that I post on my page now come from your posts because I’m just I’m very by the things that challenge you Scott

Scott Harris (19:25)
I have noticed that. Gives me great joy.

Ruth Perry (19:30)
So I’m very grateful for your friendship and for your work that you share online and that you connect and serve and fellowship online as well as in person. And I feel like you’re someone, your heart is seeking after the Lord in beautiful ways and impactful ways. And that’s the kind of person that I want to learn from and I want to be in relationship with and grow with.

And so thank you for all you’ve done. You’ve connected me in Bible studies and book studies too that have helped me get off the internet but stay on the internet in relationship with others and hear from others. And I’m really grateful for you, Scott.

What do you think it is that the church, how has the church gotten off track in a way that is distancing young people from the church?

Scott Harris (20:19)
of course, so many things to say about that. First of all, thank you for your very kind words. likewise for so much that I learned from you as well. Let me answer your question. Let me answer it first by how I feel like I’ve gotten off track a little bit. You were interested in my story and it’s just the story that serious Christian faith during my time in high school became attractive to me because I felt like it was a true understanding of the world.

The word worldview is used by variety of groups to mean a variety of things, but at that time I felt like a properly understood whole Bible worldview helped explain things and help explain what God calls people to. Although I’m using that term whole Bible at this point because at that time I think it was basically Paul’s writings and the logic and the priorities and the emphases and it was kind of the traditional evangelical gospel outline of we are sinners, Jesus died for us, we must respond to Jesus dying for us, etc. that… For much of my Christian life, I have thought that the main thing that a Christian is, is somebody who believes in what…

has done for them. And that is definitely part of it. I wasn’t particularly off track to think that way. I was following the movement I was in. I affirm all of that. However, I think the basic thing that it means to be a Christian at this point in time is to follow Jesus and his ways fully above all else.

Following Jesus includes believing in who Jesus is. Following Jesus includes believing in what Jesus has done. But believing becomes a much bigger whole life kind of thing that it involves. Following Jesus as my example, following Jesus as my master, becoming an apprentice of Jesus. I haven’t…

been regularly using these terms for too many years and when I use these terms I realize just what a high calling it is and how much further I have to go and how it is a challenging life of constantly calling oneself into question and revising and asking for God’s help and the help of the Holy Spirit to step forward in ways that more more followed Jesus.

To answer the question you asked. I think a number of people are leaving the church in part, I’m not speaking for all people or all churches, in part because they have been taught to add a whole lot of baggage to following Jesus. The baggage is different in different situations. In recent years in the United States, a lot of the baggage is political baggage or culture wars baggage. Of course, there’s a big overlap between politics and culture wars or the baggage of narrow approaches to how children are raised or how people should be educated or how people should think.

When so much of the New Testament emphasis of following Jesus in the Gospels and in the New Testament writers is really about freedom, is about joy, is about following a person who announces and enacts and acts out the Kingdom of God. And so more and more in the future I’m gonna want to emphasize following Jesus as a living in the Kingdom of God kind of thing. I am not saying that if people just say things and think things the way I do that they would remain in churches.

But whatever going into and out of churches are, whatever the patterns are, whatever individuals or groups or demographic categories are going in and out of churches, I think part of the turmoil that’s going on should be a call to those of us who are leaders and those of us who are regular Christians to call people to Jesus, not to a tradition.

Not to a certain political ideology, not to a framework structure of how to raise children, but call people to Jesus above all else. And that’s a dynamic, ever-changing, challenging life that nonetheless is a life of joy.

Ruth Perry (25:03)
Absolutely. Well said, Scott.

Scott Harris (25:05)
Yeah, that just hopefully I’ve just fixed everybody who’s listening. So they can just think like me.

Ruth Perry (25:09)
Yeah. You fixed me.

Scott Harris (25:11)
I think a lot of people leaving the church are rejecting baggage that is accompanied being followers of Jesus. They may be back, they may be in the future, they may change churches, but what do we do with such people? Winsomely invite them to follow Jesus and encourage them to take thoughtful steps that they decide on with their lives, living up to the expectations of Jesus, not trying to live up to the expectations of other people.

Ruth Perry (25:39)
How do you articulate the gospel, Scott?

Scott Harris (25:42)
Such a good question. At this point, let me say my thinking about how I articulate the Gospel is changing and I’ll give a book plug. There’s a book written over 20 years ago. You’ve probably seen me post about it, Ruth. It is the book Kingdom Come by Alan Wakabayashi.

I had heard about it years ago, I was living overseas, I wasn’t necessarily reading what everybody was reading. I had repeatedly decided that I need to read that book someday. And what happened is I noticed that it was for sale for cheap on Kindle. And so even though some people avoid Kindle, Kindle gets me reading stuff because it keeps my place and it’s right there.

I have read it on Kindle and Alan Wakabayashi does, in the middle of the book, give kind of a gospel outline in terms of kingdom thinking. I have copied and pasted. I intend to work on it. I wonder if any friends of mine who do graphics might want to put some graphics to it. So here is an unpolished summary of some of it. It is more detailed than a lot of gospel outlines are. But Jesus came to inaugurate the Kingdom of God. He calls people to walk with Him in it. He brings them deliverance from evil and from the powers that keep people from walking in it. He brings them deliverance from their own sin and condemnation.

And he calls them to be partners of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, himself and the Father and the Holy Spirit, in living according to the values of the Kingdom, anticipating the full coming of the Kingdom, and inviting others to do the same.

Ruth Perry (27:39)
Amen.

Scott Harris (27:40)
That’s just off the top of my head.

Ruth Perry (27:42)
Wow, that’s beautiful. I did add that book to my wish list when you posted about it, and I got some birthday money this week, so I’ll be sure to order that and read that. That’s beautiful.

Scott Harris (27:52)
And in case it’s worth it for your listeners, it’s been out for a while and at least on that one really main merchant that sells things online that you can get almost anything from, it’s at a really low price. I think they must have had a stock build up in the lowest price. The price is low. You can also get it really inexpensively as a used book. And Ruth, let me give you some advice. If you ever want to go public with communicating with others, I invite you to use the word kingdom in what, you know, if you blog or do some Facebooking or if you do a podcast, I recommend the word kingdom to you because God’s kingdom is beautiful. You know, free of charge. I’ll give that to you.

Ruth Perry (28:40)
Thank you, Scott. Thank you. I love that. Yeah, I wonder about the people who are opposed to the word kingdom.

Scott Harris (28:47)
There’s more than one reason, yeah.

Ruth Perry (28:49)
Yeah, I mean I recognize the reason, but I think personally I am okay using it.

Scott Harris (28:55)
Yeah. and we could just… Yes. Yes. And if you want, can use an actually much somewhat more provocative term. In Scott McKnight’s really literal New Testament translation called the Second Testament, he calls it Empire. So if you don’t like Kingdom of God, you can talk about God’s Empire if you want.

Ruth Perry (28:55)
It’s straight from the mouth of Jesus, so…

Scott Harris (29:22)
The idea is it’s a big deal and it is the one true empire, it’s the one true kingdom. There are plenty of other things. I understand if people have issues and I understand that this part of the world doesn’t have much value for kings and queens, but it’s a useful term if it points to the king. If the king is the lamb who was slain, the lamb of revelation, that’s…the kind of kingdom I want to be in.

Ruth Perry (29:51)
Praise God. That was my next question for you, Scott. What do you feel like your dream for the church would be? How would the church be like the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven if we were really following the way of Jesus?

Scott Harris (30:06)
What an excellent question. I don’t have a recipe, I just have bits and pieces. One, to say more briefly what I said at length earlier, the church needs to be about helping individuals and communities together to follow Jesus.

I want to qualify that in so many ways and use terms like inappropriate ways in their particular context, but may the church and may the churches be about the business of helping people in communities to follow Jesus. Second, my dream for the church or the churches is that they would be global churches. They would have an ongoing, interacting relationship.

and conversation and knowledge of other Christians, other churches around the world and other traditions of Christianity in their own context or around the world. I think my dream for the church is that the church or the churches would keep the top priorities the top priorities and by the top priorities I just go straight to this guy who said the first commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. And in the Gospel of Matthew, the second commandment is very similar to the first commandment, Jesus says, and it is to love your neighbor as yourself. So here is an abbreviation that I might throw out there. It’s an intentionally provocative abbreviation.

Maybe I’ll use it more, maybe I’ll never use it again, but I want to promote, and I want churches to promote, LBGAN Christianity. LBGAN Christianity is Christianity that emphasizes loving both God and neighbor. Some Christian traditions emphasize the love of neighbor to in a way that kind of keeps God eclipsed a little bit. Some church traditions emphasize the love of God and the love of neighbor is this optional add-on that you can choose to do or not choose to do. My dream for the church is to emphasize both loving God and loving neighbor.

Ruth Perry (32:20)
I love that Scott, that’s perfect. And thank you for your example of loving your neighbors. You’re not someone who just gives thoughts and prayers, you’re someone who always follows up with action and care and intentionality. And you’ve just been a really inspiring ⁓ example to me and countless others, I’m sure. And so I appreciate that about you and keep on keeping on because you are making a difference. And you’re really wonderful at articulating good news about Jesus Christ, Scott.

Scott Harris (32:44)
You’re so kind. Same Ruth, same. Thank you for your partnership in articulating the good news about Jesus. I am challenged and encouraged by you even though I can’t keep up with all of the content you put out. Now that you’re doing podcasting, it’ll make it even harder for me to keep up with the content you put out, but I really appreciate it.

Ruth Perry (33:11)
I appreciate, anytime you have any advice or correction or you think I’ve gone too far and I’m not loving my neighbors well, I trust your voice and I would welcome you as a friend to please let me know because I know, I mean, it’s, get, what I find my weakness is that I get caught up in the reaction, like the need to react.

And what I want to do is I want to continue to grow and be challenged to follow the ways of Jesus Christ fully. And I know he was not reactionary person. And then that’s a temptation of social media and being online. think for me, this podcast endeavor is kind of, I feel a lot of imposter syndrome and inadequacy about doing it, but that’s one of the things I’m trying to overcome as a Christian woman is the need to be perfect.

Like I know I’m going to mess up and over speak and I’m going to over share at times and I’m going to react. And so what I want to have is a willingness to learn and receive correction and be humble and apologize when that happens, but to continue to just learn in public. Cause that’s what I can’t remember when I started my page, but that’s the best thing that’s happened is that I’ve continued to learn and grow and change my mind about things. And it’s overall, I’d say it’s been a neat experience for me because I’ve met people like you.

Scott Harris (34:29)
It is a total joy to see you doing what you do and now doing a podcast. May God give you wisdom and energy.

Ruth Perry (34:38)
Thank you.

Scott Harris (34:39)
in the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

Ruth Perry (34:43)
Thank you, Scott. God bless you. All right. Thank you. Bye.

Scott Harris (34:45)
Talk to you soon, Ruth. Keep up the good work. Bye.


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002 I Amber Braddy Jones on Navigating Faith & Healing

My guest on the podcast this week is my friend Amber Braddy Jones. Amber’s husband Dale and my husband Logan have been close friends since high school, and though we have never lived near each other, I’ve always loved when our families spent time together. Amber is a kindred spirit and a beautiful soul. I have always been impressed by Amber’s writing that she has shared on social media, and she has compiled her writings and poetry into a book that was recently published. Find Sacred by Amber Braddy Jones on Amazon.

In our conversation, Amber shares her experiences growing up in evangelical Christianity, the impact of purity culture and sexual abuse, and the challenges faced in her marriages and ministry due to complementarian beliefs. She discusses the pain of leaving the church and the need for empathy and understanding within faith communities. Amber emphasizes the importance of affirming all individuals and serving communities without strings attached, while also reflecting on her mental health challenges that arose from these experiences. You can find TBKB Podcast on your favorite platform here: https://podlink.com/1858367321 or watch the video on YouTube. Comment your thoughts below or email me at ruthperry@thebeautifulkingdombuilders.com. Thank you for listening, and if this episode resonated with you, would you share it with a friend?

Transcript:

Ruth Perry (00:15)
My guest today is Amber Braddy Jones, a longtime friend as our husbands grew up together. And they even sang together in the Step of Faith men’s Gospel group that toured around Eastern North Carolina back in the day. Amber has recently published a book called Sacred that has her writings and poetry from over the past 15 years as she’s been healing from purity culture and perfectionism and from being a sexual abuse survivor. So check out Sacred. Buy a copy for yourself or for a friend.

And see if you can find, I’ve left a little Michael Scott blooper in here for you today, where I mix up the words of a common phrase that everybody should know. And if you find it, let me know on a comment thread, somewhere on social media, on one of my pages, or on my website, thebeautifulkingdombuilders.com. Without further ado.

Here is my conversation with Amber Braddy Jones

Ruth Perry (01:12)
So what I wanted to talk with you about, what was it like for you growing up in the evangelical church the good, the bad, the ugly, just speaking from your heart, what your experience was like growing up Christian in America.

Amber Jones (01:25)
What a time to be alive.

Ruth Perry (01:25)
What kinds of things have given you hope, what things have broken your heart, I don’t know. Cause I know you and Dale, but I don’t know you the way Logan knows Dale. I feel like you’re a kindred spirit. But I would love to know more about you, like what was your life like growing up Christian in America?

Amber Jones (01:48)
Whoa.

Very multifaceted. I’m just going to jump into it. I loved my childhood. I was a very happy child. I loved church. We were the type of family that every time the church doors were open, we were there. It was, I mean Sunday school, Sunday morning church, children’s church, Wednesday night revival, youth groups on Friday night. We had, Teen Talent, which was like a teen talent competition that we would travel all over and that was pretty much year-round for us. We started practicing our little songs we were gonna do, you know, so we were in church constantly and I loved every second of it. Like I didn’t have a clue really about any of the issues or problems with the church. Now there were a lot of issues and problems I had with me personally. I internalized a lot of the doctrine that was being thrown at me and growing up in evangelical Christianity I really do feel like

it can go a couple of different ways for people. One of them, I think people can develop a savior complex where it’s like, we have the answers. We have to go out and convince all of these people that we’re right and you’re wrong and come to our side. We’re the right ones, you know? And then there’s also a camp where I feel like I fell in, which was like, I’m never gonna be good enough. I’m not enough. There’s nothing that I will ever do to earn what I need to earn to get where I need to go and do what I need to do. So it was very fear-based I’ve dissected this for years now. I don’t even think a lot of it was intentional. I think people were just scared. It was fear mentality and it just translated to a child growing up in this that you’re not good enough. You’re never gonna be good enough.

And so I just, I was on a quest to like prove that I’m worthy. I’m good. I can do this. And it created a lot of mental health issues, perfectionism issues. I was a hypocrite if you want to put it into church terms like that because I had a facade on Sunday morning that wasn’t quite the truth during the week which created a whole nother set of internal struggles for me.

So it’s very multifaceted and in one respect I loved my childhood, I loved what we did and it was fun and I’m so thankful for the experiences that I had and the people that I had in my life around me but also now coming to this part of my life I see where there were just very toxic teachings that I’m still undoing to this day.

Ruth Perry (04:25)
Yeah, I relate. So did you grow up Pentecostal like Dale?

Amber Jones (04:28)
Yes, Pentecostal

Ruth Perry (04:53)
Yeah, I grew up Baptist, but I relate to the fear. Like I didn’t know it at the time. And it’s not that that’s the explicit message. Like you said, it’s you’re hearing the message that God is love, all of these really good things. But then there’s also that just the culture is conditioning you to seek affirmation from them and belonging. In ways that you have to shape shift to receive those things. And yeah, it’s hard to be your authentic self. Even like, I bet it sounds to me that you’re also a good girl.

Amber Jones (05:05)
Yeah! I’m recovering good girl!

Ruth Perry (05:17)
And that you were probably received a lot of, you probably received a lot of affirmation in the church, like I did too. And it was hard to reconcile for me personally, I just never, I did what I needed to do to receive that affirmation and I also perceived myself as being that person that was a good person. But so much fear of the people outside and fear of being rejected.

Amber Jones (05:33)
Absolutely.

Ruth Perry (05:34)
Looking back, are there particular doctrines that you understand now that were harmful to you?

Amber Jones (05:42)
Purity culture is a huge one. Purity culture, that to me started my mental health journey honestly. As a good girl growing up Pentecostal Holiness, but also developing very early like I got my period early, got boobs early, like just was very aware of my body early and it was your body’s bad. It was the message of you’re a temptress. You know, we grew up in an environment where if we went swimming with the opposite sex, like we were the ones that had to cover up, you know, the boys could wear their swimming trunks with no shirts. And, you know, we always had to wear, even if we wore a one piece, we had to wear a t-shirt over it and we couldn’t let the boys see. And we always had to walk that line of not being a temptress and that was early on. And then, you know, I’ve been very public in certain places with my sexual abuse struggle that when I was about eight years old, I started being sexually molested by a family member that nobody knew about that was happening. And so then I had to deal with all of those.

shame cycles of what did I do to cause this at eight years old and then you know that continued until I was about 12 years old and then finally I told my parents what was going on and then you know that stopped. But just the purity culture message to me is a very toxic message in the church that I’m not sure if we still have honestly because I’m so far removed.

Ruth Perry (06:56)
I’m so sorry.

Amber Jones (07:17)
from the church at this point, but I feel that it’s still there. I feel that we still have a lot of the messages to women and young girls that they’re the problems and they just need to cover up and be less and all of those things and that was a very detrimental message to me growing up.

Ruth Perry (07:35)
I also received, like on top of purity culture though and all the messages about modesty, there were also just a lot of pervy older men in the church that made me so uncomfortable.

Amber Jones (07:45)
Same, All right.

Ruth Perry (07:51)
A lot of attention from men, once I hit puberty and beyond, it was uncomfortable.

Amber Jones (07:57)
Yep. Very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. And you know, we grew up in the 80s and 90s. So it was like, any type of like short skirt or shorts or, you know, heels, I am very much into fashion. Kind of always have been in a way. And I remember from a very early age being kind of, like that’s too much. First of all, because of my weight, it was, you’re too big to wear that. And also you can’t wear that because it may be a hindrance to your brother type of thing. And so that was really hard to reconcile for me because I am a very free spirit by nature. I feel like I always have been. And I can just remember being like, wait a minute, what? Why can’t I do this? And why can’t I wear this? And why can’t I turn around with my dress on and let it fly up and all the things. And so, the message to me was like, you’re bad, you’re too much, you need to hide, you need to cover, you need to settle down, you’ve got a husband that you’re trying to grab one day and so you’ve got to be pure for him and just awful. Just awful.

Ruth Perry (09:06)
How did that pressure for perfection as a sexual assault survivor, what was that like for you?

Amber Jones (09:14)
Well, I internalized that early on, that that was my fault. And through therapy now, obviously I know that it was not, but I think that for me, I always had to make sure that I was doing the right things. Because if I wasn’t doing the right things, then I was wrong, I was bad.

I internalized that whole message. And so I always had to put on a front and the face that everything was good, we’re good, I’m good.

Even in my marriage with Dale, we’ve been married almost 25 years now. Early on, it was like neither one of us wanted to accept that anything was wrong in our marriage. Like we would rather just deny, deny, deny, we’re good, we’re good, we’re good, rather than really facing the issues because, you know, he struggled with that perfectionism as well in his life. So it comes full circle and if you don’t get that dealt with, it can wreak havoc everywhere.

Ruth Perry (10:11)
Did complementarian theology negatively impact your marriage in any way?

Amber Jones (10:17)
Absolutely. I remember early on, I never really had boyfriends growing up.

So Dale was like my first serious boyfriend when I was 20 and I remember I went to Bible college and I remember when I went away to Bible college like the reason why I was going to Bible college was because I wanted to find a husband like that was my mission in life. That’s what we were taught like you’re not a complete person until you find your husband and You know, I was on the hunt for that didn’t find it at Bible college came home Dale and I met he was singing with Ricky with the singing group and we started as friends for a while and then it just progressively got to you know where we were interested in each other romantically but talk about you know imposter syndrome with me and him because he was older, he grew up in church he was in a singing group like I felt like I can never live up to this man, you know? And now I’m like, you’re lucky to have me bud, you know?

Ruth Perry (11:19)
Yes.

Amber Jones (11:21)
You’re lucky but at the time like it was my gosh if I can keep him he became my identity. I was there to basically serve him and honestly Ruth I know I’m jumping but even me working in ministry years later in a church, when I had kind of gotten out of evangelical Christianity Dale and I kind of walked away from the Pentecostal Holiness Church and moved into a more non-denominational progressive more progressive type church where grace was the central message which was healing for us at the time. But I became a staff member there for worship and I remember I would never call myself the worship leader because I was a woman. And this was years later. I was a professional woman in my 30s, had children, had left the evangelical Christian Pentecostal, but still had to have my husband and all the other men worship leaders out in front. And I could step up and sing a song every once in a while and lead people, but the men had to be the worship leader. And I’m just like, now? I’m like, what the?

Ruth Perry (12:05)
Yeah. And Amber, you are the real deal. Like when it comes to singing, you’re extraordinary and amazing and gifted and called. And yeah, it’s hard to see women who are so gifted to even imagine that they would have any kind of self doubt.

Amber Jones (12:35)
Thank you. I could do everything behind the scenes and did everything behind the scenes. I mean, pick the songs out, the set list, pick the band. I mean, ran the rehearsals, did every single thing that was required to have an excellent worship experience for people, but did not feel the confidence to step myself out and actually be the full-time worship leader for this congregation of people, which is really sad.

Ruth Perry (13:13)
Did the leadership of the church call out your leadership and your gifts?

Amber Jones (13:18)
They did really push women in leadership. and I remember them kind of encouraging me and you need to step out. So yeah, they were very encouraging in that point. That was just a personal thing of mine of the way that I grew up.

Ruth Perry (13:33)
I’ve been deconstructing complementarian theology for, I think, 15 years now. And I just realized two years ago that I needed to, pursue my calling in ministry regardless of what my husband is doing. I have a calling, too, and it’s not just to ride his tailcoats. It takes a long time to unlearn the way we were taught.

Amber Jones (13:55)
Absolutely. It really does. really does. Yeah, it does. Still unlearning.

Ruth Perry (13:58)
Yeah. So you left Pentecostalism behind and I’m curious to know, what was that experience like for you? Because you come from a small community and then Pentecostal community inside of that community is even a smaller community, but you still encounter all these people. And like, how have you been?

Amber Jones (14:09)
Yes. Yeah.

Ruth Perry (14:24)
How, what was that experience like for you?

Amber Jones (14:28)
It was hard in some ways. When we decided, we had been contemplating making the move for about a year probably. Just, we were just burned out. We were burned out.

From our marriage, like our marriage was not good. Barrett was small, I was actually pregnant with Chandler at the time but Barrett was small. Our marriage was not great. We were not great personally and we had just needed a change. There were just some things in the church that we were just like, we are not feeling this.

And we finally made the move, which was very hard because my whole family was a part of that church. I mean, my grandmother was a member of that church until she passed away a few years ago. Cousins, aunts, like so many people that still attend the church. And most of them have been great. You know, you have a few people who I was friends with and it totally changed the relationship, which was hard and heavy.

But now that I’m on the other side of that I’m like some of that could have been me as well. I try not to stay in victim mentality with it as it’s like I was changing and growing as well. So it wouldn’t it wouldn’t have lasted the distance anyway, probably with where my mindset and my theology was going. So it was better probably at that time to go ahead and cut the ties. But at the time it was very painful and it felt very isolating.

So when we switched that congregation and made our way to the new congregation we jumped in like because we were missing our community at that point and so that will probably wasn’t the best thing to do as well it was basically going from one congregation full force to and I mean cuz Dale and I were very involved we’ve been involved in ministry since I mean, forever, since we were little kids singing. Both of us grew up singing in the church at little kids. You know, I taught children’s church, sang on the praise team, like always. And so we left that ministry, Pentecostal Holiness Ministry, went into this more non-denominational ministry, jumped in head first there, which probably wasn’t the smartest thing for us to do at the time. So.

And we ended up staying there about 10 years, and then we parted ways as well.

Ruth Perry (16:33)
And now you say you’re far from the church. Tell me about that.

Amber Jones (16:36)
Yeah, we haven’t attended church in a few years.

We were both in ministry positions at our previous church, And both of us served in, I would say full-time ministry, even though I was only considered part-time, it was full-time ministry. We both were involved and he actually left his credit union job that he had been at for almost 30 years to be on full-time staff at this church. And so it was big. We downsized our home, moved into a smaller home.

It was a big deal for us to do this. He ended up staying about three years and he was completely burned out, like classic burnout. And I was burned out as well, but I’m a little bit better at faking it til you make it type person. And so I remember certain things, you know, he would be very vocal about.

And I would say, no, no, no, no, you can’t say that. can’t. Because I had learned how to exist in the system. And I was very good at, like you said, shape shifting into these systems. And so I had planted myself firmly in this system. And now Dale was disrupting that and started calling things out. And it made me very nervous.

Being like mm-hmm like you can’t say that you can’t do that you have to operate this way to stay in the good graces and it became apparent he wasn’t able to do that and so then once he stepped away certain things just started happening that now I was like that’s my husband and this we’re gonna start calling this out.

So we ended up parting ways with that church around the time of COVID, which was, you know, pretty convenient for us. Honestly, was like churches were closing anyway. So it was like the perfect time for us to step away and just figure out can we exist in this congregation now with not being in ministry? Because as you know, when you serve on a church and you’re in the inner circle, and then you step back, it’s really hard to then enter back into that congregation as just a congregation member. So we had to figure out if we could even do that knowing a lot of the behind the scenes and we couldn’t.

And then we of course began looking for another church in town. It was like, oh well what do we do? We go to church on Sunday so let’s find another church. And so we tried a few and never really landed anywhere. We were at one for almost a year probably and started singing again and leading worship again and then it was just like it just wasn’t a good fit for us. And you when you know you know and so I have a hard time because I don’t want to ever make anybody feel like their ministry is not good or you know I don’t want to talk bad about somebody’s ministry but it’s just not a good fit for me. I can say that at this point in my life.

We haven’t gone anywhere in a few years. And I’m at peace with that. Honestly, I’m at peace with that.

Ruth Perry (19:30)
Yeah. Well, I wonder, it just seems like the church in America has become so commercialized and they’re run like businesses. I really enjoy good teaching. I love worship, but I feel like personally, a conversation like this is going to feed my soul so much.

Amber Jones (19:52)
Yeah.

Ruth Perry (19:52)
And I’m so appreciative for your authenticity and willingness to like, just have a conversation about your faith journey and where you are now and where you’ve come from. I feel like that is missing a lot in churches today where we don’t really make space for conversations and we especially don’t make space for hard conversations.

Amber Jones (20:15)
I agree. And I think that growing up, the church that I grew up in was very different than the second church that I was a part of. So the first church that I was a part of was very much more like organic, flying by the seat of your pants. Like we never knew what we were singing to. We got there. Very more laid back. There wasn’t a lot of people on staff. It was really kind of the pastor and then he had a secretary and they had a deacon board and you know everything else was volunteer positions. And so then the second church that I was part of, very different church. It was in the time Hillsong was very popular and so a lot of churches had patterned themselves like you said, very commercialized, very business like and so there were more people on staff, so more paychecks had to be paid every week. And so with that comes more pressure for giving talks. And, you know, we need more people to volunteer because we’ve got more people coming.

You know, it’s a slippery slope because I understand that you want the church to be relevant in your community because there are a lot of things vying for our attention now. Whereas back in the 80s and 90s, I mean, what did you do? You went to church and you went out to eat and you had a few places to go out to eat.
But now it’s like with the culture that we live in, there are so many things vying for us on Sundays. And so churches did have to get creative, I think, to go, how do we get these people here? And so the lights came and the rock music came and the, you know, all the things that now we see as like the typical commercialized church happened.

And I think that a lot of them probably came from good intentions. People were trying to, meet the needs in their community. My thing that I always try to go back to is I don’t know the motives of others. I know my motives and my motives sometimes are not great and I have to constantly check my motives. I cannot tell you your motive. And so I feel like a lot of good intentioned people are in ministry and try just to do the best that they can in this culture that we find ourselves. Now there are predators, 100%. There are people who prey on innocent people, but I do think a lot of pastors and ministry teams do have good intentions, but I think that we have just lost our way in a lot of ways.

Ruth Perry (22:23)
Yeah. And I feel like a big aspect of where the church is today has to do with mental health, like you said, and a lot of unexamined childhood experiences. like, I went and had EMDR therapy last year. And just thinking about the difference of how I feel now compared to before then. And just so many people are traumatized in ways that they don’t understand. And they’re still pouring themselves out because they love God and they love being in ministry. They love using their gifts. They’re called to use their gifts. But I just wonder like how much more impactful would the church be if we were all healed and serving from a place of well-being?

Amber Jones (23:06)
Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Ruth Perry (23:26)
Where we weren’t seeking any kind of personal gain from it because we have these gaping wounds in our lives that need tending and care.

Amber Jones (23:35)
Yeah, Absolutely. So many people, I think, get into ministry for the affirmation of it. And because we developed with the Savior Complex early on, like we have all the answers and you don’t. So here I am to tell you what you need and how you need it, you know? And I think that for a long time, I think it’s getting better, but I think for a long time, the church was very adamantly against therapy and against any type of wellness journeys.

I know myself personally, in my early 20s, I went through a really bad clinical depression and was diagnosed from a therapist. went to see a psychiatrist in my early 20s, had never been to therapy, never even had heard of any type of mental illness really, and was diagnosed with clinical depression and had to go see a psychiatrist. And she basically was like, you’re clinically depressed. I’m like, what does that mean? And you need to be on Prozac. And I was like, okay. And because I…

At that time, I would have done anything to feel better. Like I was literally, I had a lot of things that I needed to work through. And so I remember talking to my church leadership about that and was very excited. Like, yeah, I went to see my psychiatrist and she’s prescribing Prozac and they were like, like literally gasped in my face. And I was like, and she was like, you can’t take that. And I’m like, why? And she’s like, That that’s bad stuff like no you can’t take that and I remember you know a person in leadership telling me that there’s no such thing as depression that I was oppressed and that I just needed to pray and then the shame I was already in such a vulnerable place and so then it’s like wait a minute what my pastor, you know, my leader is telling me that I’m not depressed, there’s no such thing as depression, that I’m oppressed and that I shouldn’t take this medication. So that was really a time in my life where I had to be like, okay, what do I do? Who do I listen to?

And thankfully I listened to my psychiatrist and my parents at that time as well. And so my parents, thankfully, even though they were involved in the church as well, thankfully, had the sense enough to say, you’re depressed, there is depression, you’re taking this medication. And I did, and it was very healing for me. So I do think that the church needs, it’s getting better, but I think that as a whole, the church really needs to dive into these mental health issues and everybody work on it. Leadership down, like everybody, like you said, everybody needs to be whole. Everybody needs to get well.

Ruth Perry (26:15)
I think what I want to ask you, I think there’s been 40 million people that left the church in the last several decades. And so you’re one of those people. from your perspective, not that we want to be commercialized as well and shop for churches, but what do you feel would make for a healthy and safe church where you would be drawn to attend?

Amber Jones (26:40)
For me, at this point in my life, I feel like it would have to be a church that affirmed everyone. I’m just at that point in my life where I’m tired of us versus them. I’m tired of we have the answers and you don’t. We have it all figured out and you don’t. I feel like we’re all on a journey and there are so many theologians that are way smarter than me, who have struggled and argued with biblical text for centuries. So you don’t think that those people could come to an understanding of exactly what the Bible means and says. If they can’t, then what makes us feel like that we’re the experts on it?

So I think that in order for me to feel safe in a church congregation again It it would have to be a church that affirms everyone and it’s not an us-versus-them mentality. It’s like just come regardless of what you’ve got going on. You know and a lot of churches say that that’s what they do, but they really don’t, they don’t at the heart of it, they don’t. And you know the difference.

And so it’s like everybody is welcome and not just welcome, but everybody is celebrated for your uniqueness. Sunday morning is the most segregated place in America. The most segregated hour is Sunday morning still. And I hate that. Like that has bothered me for decades. Why are we so segregated on Sunday mornings?

Ruth Perry (28:09)
Yeah.

Amber Jones (28:10)
There just needs to be a lot of conversations, a lot of healing, more trust, and I just don’t think it’s there in America. We just don’t trust each other.

Ruth Perry (28:19)
That is a word. Yeah, it’s hard. It’s hard not to get caught in cynicism and hopelessness about where things are.

Amber Jones (28:26)
Yes. Every day it’s a battle. But I do go back to, and I go back to this a lot Ruth, because I remember that Jesus said on my rock I will build this church. I don’t think we have gotten that right yet though. Like I don’t, I feel like the way that we do church is just not there. It’s just not the idea that Jesus had for his church yet. We’ve tried, we’ve you know, there’s so many denominations and so many churches and so many creeds and so many, and we still haven’t gotten it right yet, I don’t think. And I say we because I’m part of that too. Like, I don’t even know. That’s the thing.

Ruth Perry (29:08)
Like you said, there’s been theological differences and arguments from the beginning of the church. I mean, it’s right there in the Bible. But so many people are so certain about their beliefs and the way they read the Bible. This is a question I would ask God if I could have a conversation with God. Why are our brains wired with so many biases? Like, why can’t we just be smart and perceptive.

Like why does it have to be like this? I don’t understand that.

Amber Jones (29:39)
Absolutely. And it’s getting worse. I mean, with social media and the impact of internet. When I was growing up, we didn’t have social media. We didn’t have, you know, the internet until I was in college. So our teenage years, you know, we had the people in front of us. had the people at our church, with the people we played ball with or whatever. We had, you know, our family members that could have been spread out.

Ruth Perry (29:43)
Yeah.

Amber Jones (30:03)
That was our influence. We had TV, so we watched those shows and had those influences and books. But now think about what our teenagers are consuming on a daily basis. No wonder there’s so much anxiety and mental health issues for our teenagers and young people right now, because they’re wading through so much information and misinformation and trying to find their way. Like, can you imagine?

I just have such empathy for them right now.

Wading through it all and how to, you know, to try to be the best person that you can be and, you know, be a good human in the midst of everything that’s happening.

Ruth Perry (30:44)
I’m thinking back about when I was growing up, I was like the golden child and I got a lot of affirmation in church because I did everything right like I was supposed to. But I have three brothers and two of my brothers didn’t receive that kind of affirmation and nurturing in the church. In fact, they experienced a lot of the opposite.

I think that that is just the experience of a lot of people coming to church. If they don’t fit in and conform, they know they don’t belong. They know they’re not being accepted. They know they’re not being celebrated. And it doesn’t feel good. It does not feel like God’s love and God’s grace and God’s mercy, no matter what language we’re using.

Amber Jones (31:21)
They do.

Absolutely and think about the sense of belonging like that’s a basic need that we all have is to belong and I just think of you know If you’re If you’re in a church you can belong to the church, but that’s so relative because you change one thing or stop doing one thing and then you can be outed and then it’s like you lose your whole community

And that’s hard, like losing your entire community and then having to like, refind that and reframe that, we did that twice now. So it was like we lost our community in the first church that we left and then we lost our second community in our second church and then didn’t find another church community. So Dale and I are still like grappling for community, which community is so important. And that’s one of the things that I think the church does well, but it only offers it to the people in their church. Like they offer it to the people that are serving there and the people that are giving there and the people that are attending there. Just, there’s just something that we’re missing that we could be so much more of a beacon of hope in our communities than we are.

And one of my favorite things about the earlier church that I think of often is, when I see old churches with the steeples and they’re still standing and you think about why those steeples were there. So the churches were planted in those communities and the steeple was built over top of all the other buildings so that when people needed something, needed help, were in need, they knew where to go to get the help. They would go, they would find the steeple and then they would go to the church. And I’m like, do our churches provide that for our communities now? Like are we those staples that we want to be? Are we very insider focused?

Ruth Perry (33:23)
I think we’re insider focused. I mean, just looking at how we spend our money, budgets in churches are like 90 something percent going towards maintaining their staff and their building and very little for the people who are outside.

Amber Jones (33:24)
I do too. Yep, absolutely. Very little, very little. So I think it’s gonna take more than a couple of missions trips a year for churches. I know that feels good, know, that makes us feel good.

Ruth Perry (33:52)
And it’s more, it’s not just about like trying to recruit people to come sit in your pews. It’s about serving your neighbors. No strings attached.

Amber Jones (34:02)
Absolutely. We do not have that down at all. So that would probably be another thing that I would look for in a church is like how community involved are you? More than just a couple of little fundraisers a year, you know? It’s tough. It’s just tough.

Ruth Perry (34:06)
Yeah.

Amber Jones (34:22)
They’re just set up in a different, the organizational structure right now is just very different than, know, so. So many politics involved with it all.

Ruth Perry (34:28)
Yeah.

Amber Jones (34:32)
And I’m not interested in that, if I’m being honest. I’m just not.

Ruth Perry (34:36)
Politics is a fun topic too. How much that’s infiltrated the church.

Amber Jones (34:38)
Shoo!

I didn’t recognize that so much when I was younger and I know that you there was a big push in the 80s with the Christian nationalism movement I’m learning about that now but it wasn’t as prevalent back then I didn’t pick up on it. Now, it’s like blatant in your face like you can’t escape it really so

Ruth Perry (34:55)
Yeah.

No, thank you.

Amber Jones (35:03)
No thank you. No thank you. And I just feel like the church in America, like we have an obligation and I feel like we have the call from Jesus to do the best that we can do. And at this point, I try to stay hopeful, but I don’t know how to reverse it at this point. I see it going down such a slippery slope. It’s gonna take something huge, I think, to wake people up to say, and I’m even talking to myself, you know.

Ruth Perry (35:34)
Yeah.

Amber Jones (35:35)
Because there’s so much more that I could be doing, know, personally without a church for my community and for people all over the world. So I’m not saying that I have it all together and I’ve figured it out and these churches need just need to do it. I don’t. I’m there with you. But I do think that recognizing it is half the battle and I think some churches just haven’t recognized it yet.

Ruth Perry (35:41)
Right.

Amber Jones (35:58)
They see everything else, everybody else as problems when they’re not taking ownership in their toxic practices as well. And so how are we going to change it? There’s going to have to be something huge that wakes us up, to say, we’ve got to about face. Like there’s gotta be an about face, I think. Or it’s just gonna keep going the way that it’s going. And Christians are just gonna be in a totally different camp than everybody else. I mean, they’re writing their own books and they’re making their own movies and having their own shows. And it’s like, I don’t think it was ever intended that way. Like I think you plant yourself in and you be the light and the salt. It’s turned so crazy where it’s like, now we’re gonna put ourselves in a cave and we’re gonna protect ours. Almost like you’re going in a bunker. And you want to…

Ruth Perry (36:47)
Yeah, and I’m so cynical about it. I think that it’s just like their marketing machine. The people that are making all of that content are making so much money because they have a captive audience who this is all that they’re allowed to consume. So that’s the conferences they’re going to. Those are the books they’re buying. That’s the radio shows they’re listening to. That’s the podcast you’re listening to and the blogs they’re reading. And, you know, it’s self-serving in some way.

Amber Jones (37:12)
Very, very self-serving.

And I mean, what good are you doing with that? What are your billion dollars doing? Where are they going? You know? And so I think until that changes where there’s just such an us versus them mentality on both sides, because I can tend to get very us versus them as well.

Ruth Perry (37:23)
Yeah.

Amber Jones (37:35)
I can go my gosh why are they why do they believe that what are they thinking and then it’s like but they’re thinking the same thing of me and until we can kind of have some common ground and figure out where each other’s coming from there’s gonna be no headway and I just don’t know how to do that at this point I really

Ruth Perry (37:51)
Well, that’s what they say, you can’t hate close up. Like if we would just get to the point where we could have a conversation with each other, where we’re actually listening actively and having empathy for other people’s stories, I think that’s what we need.

Amber Jones (37:59)
Yeah. Yeah. I too. I just don’t know how to get there because it’s so polarized. Everything’s so polarized right now. So I don’t know. But I do think that the hope that I see in it is that I do feel like there’s so many people that are using their voice like you. You know, like people who are writing and I love Jen Hatmaker. I mean, she’s using her voice and all of these people that are putting out content, you know, so that we that are following social media can see and go, yes, yes, that’s what I believe. I’m not on my own.

Because when you feel like you’re out on an island and everybody else around you believes this way, but you don’t, it can be very isolating. And so to be able to have like-minded people to have conversations and see, OK, I’m not out on left field here. There are other people who feel the way that I feel. It’s just very important, I feel like, to think out.

Ruth Perry (38:58)
I think that’s why I started the Beautiful Kingdom Warriors with my friend Becky all those years ago, just feeling isolated and alone and like we’re crazy. And I’ve met so many like-minded people who just understand the experience of that first domino falling and the mental anguish of learning that something you always believed might not be true.

Amber Jones (39:10)
We’re crazy here!

Ruth Perry (39:22)
And then the anguish of, what else? Like it’s so much work to start peeling that onion and discovering what do I really believe authentically deep down in my heart?

Amber Jones (39:31)
and what you feeling.

Yeah, it’s like once you start the peeling it just keeps on peeling When does it stop?

Ruth Perry (39:40)
Yeah.

But it’s worth it.

Amber Jones (39:45)
It is. It is. And I’m thankful.

Ruth Perry (39:47)
If you can persevere.

Amber Jones (39:49)
I’m thankful. Dale and I talk about this a lot, you know, with our boys, because we’ve always told them, we don’t want you to have our faith. We want you to find God early. We actually prayed when they were young, and now it’s like, God, that was, we prayed when they were young that they would come to their crisis point early so that they could find God in it and their own faith, not just our faith.

And walking that out is hard, being in the middle of that is hard. But I’ve never wanted them to just accept it because that’s what I’ve thought. But I think for so many people, that’s just what they do. They believe it because grandma believed it and grandma brought them to church and then, mom believed it and so dad got saved and so now they go to church and so now, I guess I’m going to have to get to the age where I’m going to have to stop drinking so I can go to church. I mean, I see that and hear that so often, but it’s

Like that you’re missing it. Like if that’s really what you think, you’re missing it. So. But they just don’t, they just believe it because that’s what they’ve been told to believe in their whole life. So, my brain doesn’t work that way.

Ruth Perry (40:54)
That’s a good thing. I’ve enjoyed having a little peek into your brain today Amber.

Amber Jones (40:55)
Yeah! Thank you. It’s messy up there.

Ruth Perry (41:03)
Well, and I do hope that we can have an episode with your family. I think that would be really great.

Amber Jones (41:09)
I do too. Yeah, absolutely. We have these conversations quite a bit, honestly. So, yeah, thank you.

Ruth Perry (41:15)
Yeah, I love your family and it’s been beautiful and amazing and I’m so grateful. Thank you, Amber.

Amber Jones (41:22)
Thank you.


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