The Beautiful Kingdom Builders

David Logan on Tribal Leadership and how this talk relates to church cultures

Posted on June 2, 2015 by Ruth Perry | 1 comment

I listened to this Ted Talk by David Logan on “Tribal Leadership” a couple years ago and have thought about it frequently since. Logan’s insights into our natural tendency to form tribes and the cultural stages that these tribes typify have had me looking at the faith communities in my area with new eyes. I think this is a helpful talk to all in ministry, whether as a lay person or paid clergy.

You should listen to the full talk to hear Logan’s helpful illustrations and stories, but for quick reference, here are my notes:

All of you are members of tribes. People form tribes. They always have. They always will. It’s just what we do. But not all tribes are the same, and the difference is the culture.

Stage One – “Life Sucks”

Stage One produces people who do horrible things. The culture of gangs and prisons. One is a group where people systematically sever relationships from functional tribes, and then pool together with people who think like they do. We don’t often deal with Stage One, but we need to. It’s not enough to simply write people off.

As people see the world, so they behave.

Stage Two – “My Life Sucks”

The Stage Two culture makes people dumb. You find these tribes in the best organizations in the world. You find them in all places in society. If that’s how you talked, imagine what kind of work would get done. What kind of innovation would get done? The amount of world-changing behavior that would happen? In fact it would be basically nil.

Stage Three – “I’m Great…and You’re Not”

Stage Three is where most of us move and park and stay. Imagine having a whole room of people saying, in effect, “I’m great and you’re not.” Or, “I’m going to find some way to compete with you and come out on top as a result of that.” The greatest challenge we face in innovation is moving people from Stage Three to Stage Four.

Stage Four – “We’re Great”

When individuals come together and find something that unites them that’s greater than their individual competence, then something very important happens. The group gels. And it changes from a group of highly motivated but fairly individually-centric people into something larger, into a tribe that becomes aware of its own existence. Stage Four tribes can do remarkable things.

Stage Five – “Life is Great”

Stage Five is where you really change the world. It is the stage of Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King Jr., and Gandhi. This is a scene from the Truth and Reconciliation process in South Africa for which Desmond Tutu won the Nobel Prize. Terrible atrocities had happened in the society, and people came together focused only on those two values: truth and reconciliation. In this atmosphere, where the only guidance was people’s values and their noble cause, what this group accomplished was historic. Largely because people like Desmond Tutu set up a Stage Five process to involve the thousands and perhaps millions of tribes in the country, to bring everyone together.

There are counter-intuitive findings that come out of all this.

The first finding is that leaders need to be able to talk all the levels so that you can touch every person in society. People can only understand the language of stages one step away. You don’t leave them where you find them, though. You nudge them forward to the next level by getting them in a new tribe and then, over time, getting them connected.

2% of tribes are at Stage One, 25% are at Stage Two, 48% are at Stage Three, 22% are at Stage Four, and only 2% get to Stage Five.

I’d like to encourage you to do something beyond what people normally do and call networking. Which is not just to meet new people and extend your reach, extend your influence, but instead, find someone you don’t know, and find someone else you don’t know, and introduce them. That’s called a triadic relationship.

People who build world-changing tribes do that. They extend the reach of their tribes by connecting them, not just to myself, so that my following is greater, but I connect people who don’t know each other to something greater than themselves.

We all form tribes, all of us. If you do what we’ve talked about, you listen for how people actually communicate in the tribes that you’re in. And you don’t leave them where they are. You nudge them forward. You remember to talk all five culture stages. And the question that I’d like to leave you with is this:

Will your tribes change the world?

Some questions to consider as you think about your church tribe:

Has my tribe parked in Stage Three? Does “I’m Great…and You’re Not” sound like the kind of talk happening in my church?
Does my church tribe make connections with other church or organizational tribes on the basis of shared values and goals to accomplish great things?
Do I speak the language of all tribal stages, nudging people in my tribe forward gently and helping them get connected in ways that advance their development?
Does my tribe write people off who are not at the same stage?
What are the values held by my tribe?

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Tagged change the world, Christianity, David Logan, Ted Talks, Tribal Leadership

May Link-Up: Duggar Scandal Edition – It’s an Important Story, Church!

Posted on May 27, 2015 by Ruth Perry | 3 comments

It’s been nearly a week since the story broke that Josh Duggar had molested five girls, including his sisters, as a 14 year old boy – the youngest victim being only 4 years old at the time. Many articles have been written (shared hundreds of thousands of times) in defense of Josh and his parents, Jim Bob and Michelle. This is troubling and infuriating because these articles demonstrate the widespread lack of understanding in the U.S. Church regarding the seriousness of sexual crimes, and are examples of the typical Christian response to sex abuse – to deal with it in-house (even when church leaders are mandatory reporters), to minimize the abuse (thereby compounding the trauma of the victim), and to cover up the “mistakes” (rather, CRIMES) for the sake of saving face and the reputation of the particular church, organization or family. Many Christians have demanded that we focus on forgiving Josh and leaving this story in the past, but I believe we should take this opportunity to discuss and educate Christians on the proper response that is to be made to allegations of sexual abuse.

Let me reiterate – the critical importance of this story is that this is how churches overwhelmingly respond to and mishandle sexual abuse – by handling in-house like any other sin issue, rather than treating it like a crime and getting the victims the help they need. How do Christians typically treat victims? By silencing them and rushing the process of forgiveness and healing for the sake of protecting the reputation of the “Gospel” (i.e. organization).

My family lived in S.A. with New Tribes Missions for three years when I was a kid, during which time three pedophiles were sent home but not reported to authorities. In the past few years, victim after victim have come forward about systemic sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse of children in the N.T.M. boarding schools around the world (I previously wrote about this last year, “Reporting Sexual Abuse in Christian Communities”). There have also been scandals recently with sexual abuse coming to light in very conservative schools and organizations, like Pensacola College, Bob Jones University, Bill Gothard of the Duggar promoted A.T.I. homeschool organization, Doug Phillips of another Duggar promoted organization, Vision Forum, and the list goes on and on. I have followed multiple blogs that are shedding light on abuse in Christian environments and it is a much bigger issue than many Christians are aware (for starters, visit G.R.A.C.E.). I think it’s hugely important to shine a light on this issue of mishandling sexual assault so that the tide will turn and children will be safer in our churches. Here are some very helpful articles that do just that:

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE JOSH DUGGAR POLICE REPORT by Libby Anne

Have you read Matt Walsh and other conservative Christian authors summarize the events leading to the Duggar scandal? Then you do not have an accurate picture of what went down. Libby Anne, a former Quiverfull wife with inside knowledge of the Duggars’ extreme patriarchal sect (who wrote another insightful piece on the Duggars called “Carefully Scripted Lives: My concerns for the Duggars” in February 2012), here gives an excellent analysis of the police report. In short, the parents knew Josh was groping his sisters for a year before it happened outside the family, at which point Jim Bob spoke to their church elders (who are in fact mandatory reporters), and they agreed that the Duggars could send their son to a friend for a few months where he did manual labor and read his Bible, but did not receive any counseling or therapy. I also would assume that the girls did not receive counseling. When he came back Jim Bob took him to a state trooper (and personal friend…who has since been sentenced to 56 years in prison for child pornography) who did not make a report (another mandatory reporter not following protocol), but gave Josh a stern talking to. There was a letter detailing the incidents that was discovered and leaked to the Oprah Winfrey show a couple years later, whose producers reported it to the police but it was past the three year statute of limitations (THREE YEARS?!) at that point and no charges were filed.

You should really read this post. Libby Anne shares 11 lessons to be learned from this scandal, and concludes by saying,

I still feel weird about posting this because of the gossipy angle so much of the media is giving it. So, I’d like to make a suggestion. When you see people talking about this story, whether on facebook or in person or in a comment section, steer the conversation toward the more substantive issues. Let’s use the attention the tabloids and other news sources are giving this story to educate the public about the problems with dealing with sexual molestation in house, the importance of sex education, and the dangers of judging the character of a family by outward appearances alone.

And while you’re at it, please remind people to protect the identities of the victims.

And let’s not gloss over the victims here – although Josh is being painted as the victim in many conservative Christian circles, there were five little girls traumatized by his molestation. As G.R.A.C.E. posted on Facebook tonight,

“Why are many Christians quick to talk about perpetrators & grace, but slow to talk about victims & justice?”

Here are two posts from sexual abuse survivors:

THOUGHTS ON LEARNING OF THE DUGGAR SCANDAL – anonymous post from a Bob Jones University student.

These young women who were molested are now in the public eye, when I’m sure they just want to run away from the world and disappear. These girls have been told that they need to slap a sticker with the word “Forgiveness” on their problems, and move on, and pretend that nothing has changed. We are reminded how wonderful it is that their brother found mercy and forgiveness and the power to change. Their abuser has said, “I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life,” without acknowledging that great damage has been done to the lives of his sisters. The parents find strength in saying that God used this to draw each of them closer to Him. These girls somehow become like the family’s sacrificial lambs; their purity and innocence damaged so their brother can learn lessons and their family can grow closer to God. The family moves on as if it never happened. He was just a child who made a mistake. It’s all good now. It’s all in the past.

SURVIVOR STORIES: PICKING UP PIECES; WHY JOSH DUGGAR’S REDEMPTION ISN’T THE POINT – Amy Courts

Let me tell you a story about the devastating silences of youth and the messiness of redemption.

My brother? By the measures of this life, he is successful. For all intents and purposes, redeemed from his “youthful indiscretion.”

As for myself? I’ve fought tooth and nail to overcome childhood devastation that left me emotionally abandoned by my family. Left to fend for myself. Somehow I’ve managed my own “small” successes. In trying to piece together my life, I earned a few advanced degrees, one from a prestigious top 10 university. Yet somehow, despite all my hard work and efforts to escape a painful past, I find myself homeless… on Medicaid and food stamps… carrying all the accompanying shame. AND perhaps the most devastating of all, the one thing that leads me EVERY TIME to the absolute brink of self-destruction: a keen awareness of my lack of belonging anywhere. If my own family hung me out to dry, where else is there to go…who else is there to go “home” to? It’s the one place you are supposed to feel safe and wholly a part.

Here is a MUST READ:

THE DUGGARS: HOW FUNDAMENTALISM’S TEACHINGS ON SEXUALITY CREATE PREDATORY BEHAVIOR – by Diary of an Autodidact

This is a fascinating article that makes many excellent observations, from a former Gothardite (whose teachings are promoted by the Duggars) and criminal lawyer who has worked on multiple cases involving fundamentalist families and similar circumstances. The intention of his article is to demonstrate that fundamentalist teachings on sex result in young men acting out in predatory ways, who would not otherwise be predators. An important point that he makes is that Josh may not be a pedophile at all. This could be another of many, many examples of bad fruit coming from bad teaching. I found this article to be particularly helpful in understanding the underlying issues at play.

And a few more good posts in case you want to keep reading:

ANNA DUGGAR AND THE SILENCING POWER OF FORGIVENESS – Libby Anne

BOMBSHELL DUGGAR POLICE REPORT – In Touch Weekly

HOW THE DUGGARS’ CHURCH TEACHES YOUNG WOMEN TO ‘SUBMIT’ – Brandy Zadrozny

I’M TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT BILL GOTHARD AND THE DUGGARS – Micah J. Murray

JOSH DUGGAR AND THE BONDAGE OF OUR SOULS – Kathy Vestal

JOSH DUGGAR AND WHITE PRIVILEGE – Nathalie Baptiste

THE DAMAGING EFFECTS OF SHAME-BASED SEX EDUCATION: LESSONS FROM ELIZABETH SMART – Kristen Howerton

THE DANGERS OF LIFE IN A MALE DOMINATED SYSTEM – Susan Cottrell

THE FIRST THING CLERGY SHOULD DO WHEN SUSPECTING SEXUAL ABUSE (OR ANYONE, REALLY) – Benjamin L. Corey

WELCOME TO THE DUGGAR’S WORLD OF INDEPENDENT FUNDAMENTALIST BAPTISTS – John Shore

WHAT DID JOSH DUGGAR’S COUNSELING LOOK LIKE? – Libby Anne

WHY RELIGIOUS HYPOCRISY IS UNAVOIDABLE AND WHY ITS UNACCEPTABLE – John Pavlovitz

WHY VIRGINITY IS NOT THE GOSPEL – Carolyn Custis James

WHY WE CAN’T EXPECT SEX ABUSE VICTIMS TO GENERATE INSTANT FORGIVENESS – Mary DeMuth

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