Author Archives: Ruth Perry

Remembering Anarcha, Lucy, and Betsey: the Mothers of Modern Gynecology

anarcha-4cdd4b616830b906e48c20887a65333d0bb64d46-s800-c85For many modern women, the advancement of gynecology has improved the safety and experience of child birth.  I have had three children and the second two births were relatively easy.  When I listened to “Remembering Anarcha, Lucy, and Betsey: The Mothers of Modern Gynecology” on NPR’s podcast The Hidden Brain last week, I remembered the trauma I experienced with my first birth and my heart broke for these women and others whose names have been lost.  Their tormentor is celebrated in the history books as their suffering is largely forgotten and ignored.  And I know to some degree what their suffering was like.

When my labor began for my first child, nothing was happening the way I had learned to expect.  I had taken a birthing class, read several books, and watched countless episodes of A Baby Story.  I felt prepared.

A week before my due date, labor hit suddenly and hit hard, with contractions one minute apart from the get go and searing back pain.  We went to the birth center but were sent home because I had not dilated ‘enough.’  I was in agony all day, writhing in pain and throwing up.  When we came back that evening, I told the midwives I didn’t think I could manage without pain medication and I wanted to go to the hospital across the street, but they told me I could do it.  For the next ten hours, my contractions continued one minute apart, my back pain was unbearable, and I was getting increasingly weak.

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Josiah and I are survivors.

When hard labor hit, I pushed for nearly four hours, repeatedly begging to go to the hospital.  They insisted I was delivering a small baby and just needed to push harder.  The midwives kept whispering in the corner , excluding me and my husband and mother from their decision-making, and eventually decided I needed an episiotomy.  They cut me twice without anesthesia, telling me the next day that the scissors were dull.  I contracted, they cut, I screamed hysterically.  A minute later another contraction began and I begged them not to cut me again but they did.  At that point, I gave up entirely and began to fade away.  I was dying when they brought me to the hospital for care.  With pitocin and the nurses and midwives arguing over me, Josiah was born weighing 10 lbs 7 oz, and then the youngest midwife in training began stitching me up, taking an hour of tugging and pulling and pain.

My birth was traumatic and scary and when I began to die, I felt ready and eager to go.  My husband and mother were terrified they were losing me and Josiah right before their eyes.

When I listened to the NPR Hidden Brain podcast describing the horrific experimentation that several black slave women endured at the hands of the “Father of Modern Gynecology”, Dr. James Marion Sims, I couldn’t help but remember what it felt like to be cut and stitched without anesthesia.  My heart ached for them as I listened.  It is horrifying to realize that modern gynecology advanced at the expense of human lives, women who deserved dignity and care.  Today, we can honor them by acknowledging the injustice of their torture and sharing their story with others.

I encourage you to take a listen to this important episode here.


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Twitter sheds light on non-physical forms of abuse

The Twitter handle #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou, started by the BBC, has given victims of emotional, spiritual, financial and other forms of abuse a platform to share a glimpse into their experiences.

Often, the pain and trauma of non-physical abuse is dismissed or ignored.  Because the bruising to a victim’s psyche and soul are not visible, they do not receive the help and healing needed or the support to leave.  Slowly, they are beaten down to a place of low self-esteem and self-doubt and they begin to believe the lies of their abuser.  They experience symptoms of PTSD or anxiety or other conditions from their distress and this gives their abuser the added ammunition to claim they are the crazy one, they are the cause of the abuse.

Sadly, these types of abuse are very common in patriachal, fundamentalist religions, and pastors typically respond poorly, disbelieving the “allegations” and giving preference to the man’s reputation over the woman’s well-being.  Women in abusive marriages are urged to remain with their abusers rather than escape the abuse and begin the journey to healing and wholeness.  For example, John Piper, a prominent leader in Evangelicalism, gave this advice to an abused woman:

John Piper first giggles at the question, then diminishes the severity of non-physical abuse.  I can only imagine how the abuse would ramp up if this wife turned to her church leadership to intervene.  Abusers insist on keeping the family dynamic a secret.  Therefore, she would rather remain silent so that the abuse does not escalate, as she will not be given the support needed to leave the relationship.  “Emotionally abusive people are very concerned with their public image,” counselor Amanda Perl is quoted in the BBC article. “They are often extremely charming to the outside world in order to undermine any case you might have to discredit them or bring a spotlight on their behaviour.”

And don’t even get me started on sexual abuse in Christian marriage, where a woman’s body is not her own and she is taught to never say no, to submit in everything.

There are some excellent resources on the internet for Christian women in abusive relationships.  I recommend the blogs A Cry for Justice and Spiritual Sounding Board as well as the books and blog by Leslie Vernick.

Here are a few examples of #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou tweets:

https://twitter.com/MskittyCatTrina/status/730954290060251136

https://twitter.com/April_Kelsey/status/731080424844361733

And my own contribution:

EDIT:  After receiving the following excellent comment, I changed “non-violent” to “non-physical” throughout this post.

I take exception to labeling these actions as “non-violent.” I think that specific mislabeling is part of why these forms of abuse are dismissed out of hand.

These forms of abuse are not *physical*, but they are very violent. If I hold someone at gunpoint and take his money but never lay a hand on him, my actions will be called “ASSAULT with a deadly weapon.” The tongue is also a potential weapon, and anyone who thinks it cannot be deadly should research how many suicide notes mention something someone *said* (not did) to the victim before he or she chose suicide.


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#GodHatesAbuse #AbuseIsGroundsForDivorce #YouAreWorthyOfLove

“Somebody Say Something” – Pastor Howard-John Wesley on Domestic Violence and Child Abuse in the Church

This is a POWERFUL sermon from Pastor Howard-John Wesley on the epidemic of domestic violence and sexual abuse in our churches, where the response to abuse is almost always cover-up rather than speak-up.  He is preaching on the story of Jephthah and his daughter from Judges 11 (a “text of terror”).  I am thankful for Pastor Wesley using his pulpit to defend the powerless and most precious people in God’s house and pray that more leaders will take his cue and bring awareness to the prevalence of violence against women and children, and also bring healing to the victims.  I pray our churches cease to be sanctuaries for abusers and places where victims are re-victimized by shame and disbelief.

Listen to the whole sermon and then forward this important message to your pastors.

Some important points from the sermon:

  • 1 in 4 U.S. women experience domestic violence in their lifetime
  • In 2013, there were 679,000 children under 18 abused and neglected
  • Of those, 1520 were killed; 79.4% were abused by their parents; highest percentage of those were under the age of 3; and the percentage of those abused with chronic illness or disability was twice as high

SOMEBODY HAS TO SAY SOMETHING

“This is NOT the will of God and God is NOT present in that violence!…God did not shape you in your mother’s womb for you to be birthed and then to be beaten on.  God did not make you in His image and say,’You are fearfully and wonderfully made’ to allow some man to call you out of your name.  God did not die on the cross and give you abundant life for you to be disrespected by anybody!  THAT IS NOT THE WILL OF GOD!”

“Somewhere there are has to be a community of faith that says, ‘We’re not afraid to talk about what’s really happening.’  Somewhere the victims need a voice.  Somewhere the abused need a refuge.  Somewhere there’s a body of Christ that says, ‘we not only send water to Flint, we put deposits on apartments for victims to be in a safe space outside from where they’re being abused.’  Of a place where there’s spiritual support, where there’s counseling for the Jephthah’s, where there’s confrontation and compassion.  But most importantly, where somebody stands up and says, ‘This is wrong.’  It’s wrong for a man to put his hands on a woman and its equally wrong for a woman to put her hands on a man.  It’s wrong to shake a baby because they wont go asleep.  It’s wrong for a priest/a preacher/a pastor/a coach/a counselor/a teacher to engage in sexually inappropriate behavior with a minor because they got relationship.  It’s wrong.  It’s wrong to ball up your fist, to throw a plate, to break the television. It’s wrong.  That’s not normal, that’s not healthy, that’s not godly, that’s not love.  It’s wrong.  It’s wrong to take an extension chord and beat a child for ANY reason whatsoever.  That is just dead wrong.  And just because somebody did it to us, does not mean it’s what we ought to do to somebody else…And just because it’s in the Bible does not mean God is saying it’s right, He’s saying it’s real.  We have every right in our godliness to look at it in Scripture and say, ‘It’s wrong.’  So that when we see it in church, it’s wrong.  When we see it in the community, it’s wrong.  When we see it on the news, we train our children, it’s wrong.  Somebody has to say something.”

SOMEBODY HAS TO SAY SOMETHING

 

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