Tag Archives: relationships

Singleness – A Gift From God, a Seat at the Kiddie Table, or Girls Gone Wild?

singleness

I am a 35-year-old Christian woman that isn’t in a relationship and isn’t married.  I grew up in a Christian environment with parents that are still together.  I never dreamt I would be in my 30s single with no kids.  I dreamt of being a wife and a mother.  I think I would make a great wife and mother.  I’ve had a lot of different emotions about my single life through the years, but these days I seem to have more questions than emotions – What messages have I been told about being single?  What messages do I tell myself?  Did I do something wrong?  Is being single a blessing?  Why do I still desire marriage and kids if it’s not God’s Plan for me?  What is God trying to teach me? Etc. Etc. Etc.

The questions can make me a little crazy some days!  But I have learned in life that the best place to take my questions are to the foot of the cross.  There isn’t always an answer to my question, but there is always love and grace at the foot of the cross.  Some of my questions do have answers that I must wrestle through.  Let’s tackle a couple here now.

What have I been told about singleness, both intentionally and unintentionally?

In Christian society, I often feel like I haven’t grown up yet.  Like I have not arrived into the life God made for me because I do not have a husband to lead me.  Marriage feels like it is held up as God’s ideal for us all and because I don’t have it I am somehow missing out on God’s best life.

In secular society, I often feel like my life needs to be wild and sexually free because I am single.  Most assume I sleep around and enjoy not being in a monogamist relationship, then the bomb comes when they find out I am a virgin. Yes, the 35 year old virgin!  My non-Christian friends cannot understand it and often then just treat me with pity.  Again, I am treated like I am missing out on the best life has to offer.

Now, what messages do I tell myself.  If I’m honest, at times I believe all the lies I just talked about.  Some days I do feel like I am missing out, like I haven’t arrived, and that I will be alone forever.  On these days I have to run to the only place I know to find truth – back to the foot of the cross, to the arms of my Creator, and to the love of my Savior.  It is here that I am reminded who I am!

The truth that God whispers in my ear is that I am His and no one will ever love me like He does.  That I will never be alone because it is He who walks beside me.  Now I want to stop here and say what many of you single folks might be thinking, “That is all well and good, but doesn’t produce a flesh and blood person to do life with.”  To this, I say I know.  For years, and on some days even now, I feel lonely.  I long for someone to help me with things.  I long for a partner.  Yet with my whole heart, I believe God is enough.  I would love to be a wife and a mother someday, but if that day never comes I will still live a great life.  I am a beloved daughter of God that has amazing family and friends that love me and let me love them back.  I have a job and hobbies that let me pour into others, as they pour into me.  I am blessed.  I am loved.

At this point in my life, I have learned to celebrate the good parts of being single and to face the hard parts with those that love me and in the arms of my good God.  One of the biggest things I have learned I will talk about more in another blog entry or in an upcoming vlog entry with Ruth and Becky, but it is that I am so much more than a label.  Who I am is not in the label of singleness.

Until next time…enjoy life, regardless of any label!!!

Love & Laughter,

Amy


amy st johnBecky and Ruth are pleased to share this guest post from the wise and wonderful Amy St. John.  Amy is a Relay Event Specialist for the American Cancer Society and serves on the Board of Directors for North Harbor Community Church in Topsham, Maine.  She is a Beautiful Kingdom Warrior through and through!!!

Please leave Amy a comment, thanking her for sharing her story here and encouraging her to come back soon!

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Stand-Out Mother’s Day Posts

We’ve been sharing great Mother’s Day posts on our Facebook Page, and I decided they warranted a listing here on the blog, as we reflect on our mothers and all care-givers who nurture and love on others.

A poem about motherhood and our feeble attempts to return the favor for our mothers’ innumerable sacrifices.  This will make you laugh and cry:


Because mothers are human beings too…and need lots of grace!:  “This Mother’s Day, Make a List of Reasons You Resent Your Mother – Oh, and then throw it away.” by Ashley Moore for Today’s Christian Woman.

Glennon Melton at Momastery shared this one from TheRoot.com

Glennon Melton at Momastery shared this one from TheRoot.com

Shauna Niequist, daughter of Bill and Lynne Hybels, on “What My Mother Taught Me” – Make space for two callings in one home, one marriage. Don’t let logistics get in the way of calling. It’s not easy, it’s complicated – but everyone benefits when women tap into the passions and gifts that God has given them.

Ann Voskamp’s beautiful piece, “Why Motherhood is Really Just for the Birds.”  Here’s an excerpt:

That’s just the pretty ugly of us — we’re not the Hallmark mother, just the Velveteen Mothers. The Velveteen Mothers who know when there’s a volleys of words and weary silences afterward and everything looks impossibly wrecked —

The angular, hard edges of perfection are being sanded down by all our scrapes and falls, till we’re round and soft and can get close enough to each other to just hold each other.

Only when you’re broken are you tender enough to wrap yourself around anyone.

Only the broken people can really embrace.

That’s us — could we just really hold onto each other?

Find each other and hold onto each other and offer the hug of the broken who know the relief that homemaking is about making a home, not perfection, that motherhood is a hallowed space because children aren’t commonplace, that anyone who fosters dreams and labor prayers is a mother to the child in us all.

 

This really important bit of advice: “How Not to be Disappointed this Mother’s Day,” from Lisa Jo Baker.  How many of us have unrealistic expectations for this holiday?  Here’s an outstanding excerpt:

We expect and the expecting is high and impossible until it blossoms into full blown entitlement. And entitlement? Entitlement is a very slippery thing. Entitlement believes that we know best, deserve the best, and resents the rest who don’t deliver. Entitlement takes the sacrifice of motherhood and spins it in dizzying, disorienting circles. Motherhood bends. Entitlement demands. Motherhood serves. Entitlement stomps its foot. Motherhood delights. Entitlement keeps lists. Motherhood laughs. Entitlement whines. Motherhood celebrates. Entitlement sulks. Motherhood forgets itself in favor of remembering her dimple, his fastest mile, their mouths all ringed around with chocolate. Entitlement tastes bitterness in every bite of a day that doesn’t go as planned. And the grand irony of a day devoted to remembering mothers is that it can make me forget how content I am in this skin. Because I am not the sum total of breakfast in bed or empty dishwashers. I am not defined by how tidy the playroom is or who remembered to make me a thoughtful card.

Shane Claiborne shared this prayer from Common Prayer:

A Litany to Honor Women

We walk in the company of the women who have gone before, Mothers of the faith both named and unnamed,
Testifying with ferocity and faith to the Spirit of Wisdom and Healing.
They are the judges, the prophets, the martyrs, the warriors, poets, lovers and Saints
Who are near to us in the shadow of awareness, in the crevices of memory, in the landscape of our dreams.*

We walk in the company of Deborah,
who judged the Israelites with authority and strength.

We walk in the company of Esther,
who used her position as Queen to ensure the welfare of her people.

We walk in the company of you whose names have been lost and silenced,
who kept and cradled the wisdom of the ages.

We walk in the company of the woman with the flow of blood,
who audaciously sought her healing and release.

We walk in the company of Mary Magdalene,
who wept at the empty tomb until the risen Christ appeared.

We walk in the company of Phoebe,
who led an early church in the empire of Rome.

We walk in the company of Perpetua of Carthage,
whose witness in the third century led to her martyrdom.

We walk in the company of Saint Christina the Astonishing,
who resisted death with persistence and wonder.

We walk in the company of Julian of Norwich,
who wed imagination and theology proclaiming “all shall be well.”

We walk in the company of Sojourner Truth,
who stood against oppression, righteously declaring “ain’t I a woman!” in 1852.

We walk in the company of the Argentine Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo,
who turned their grief to strength, standing together to remember “the disappeared” children of war
with a holy indignation.

We walk in the company of Alice Walker,
who named the lavender hue of womanish strength.

We walk in the company of you Mothers of the faith,
who teach us to resist evil with boldness, to lead with wisdom, and to heal.

Amen.
The Liturgists shared a fascinating prayer and meditation on “God Our Mother”.  So true that we cannot fully understand God and our language often only impedes us further in that.
And finally, I’ll leave you with this beautiful post from Glennon Melton at Momastery, “Sistering On.”  I love the metaphor and I found myself crying at the beauty of this simple post.  Oh, how I need the support of my sisters!  We all need to love and support one another.

 

Talking with Teens about their Identity as Ezers

Becky and I had the honor of visiting with our church’s youth group, called Floodgate, after church today.  There were seven beautiful, witty and passionate teens there, plus their dedicated leaders, Lisa, Kiva and Danielle.  Becky and I shared our stories and why we’re blogging about women’s issues in the church.  Then we shared a brief word study of the Hebrew phrase ezer kenegdo from Genesis 2:18 and 20 (where woman is described as a “suitable helper” in nearly all Bible translations, but a truer translation would be “corresponding strength” – I used this article by Margaret Mowzcko as a guideline), and some verses countering lies that women are told by our culture regarding their value and worth.  Then we asked the girls how they could be ezers, valuable strengths, in their family, church, school and community.  Their answers were honest and inspiring.  We were impressed by their desire to be faithful witnesses for God and to integrate their Christianity into their school life as well as their family and church lives.

We’ll be talking about our Floodgate visit on tomorrow’s VLOG, but I didn’t want to wait to share a couple videos with you.

This first video features Floodgate superstar, Nikita, singing an original song.  We agree with her message to all teens out there!

And the girls recommended this fantastic video.
Who You Are: A Message to All Women from the Anima Series

Check back tomorrow for our VLOG!  Carry on, warriors!