What I Love About Homeschooling

Posted on February 5, 2018 by | 2 comments

Flash Quiz!

What is something that Agatha Christie, Charles Dickens, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, C.S. Lewis, Wolfgang Mozart, Leo Tolstoy, and Mark Twain have in common?

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They were all home schooled!

I am homeschooling my kids this year and have had several people ask what I love about homeschooling, so I thought I would post my thoughts here.  But first, I want be clear that I understand that home education is not feasible for most families.  I’m not writing this to shame non-homeschooling families.

I also believe that we need public schools, and our public school teachers deserve mad props for being amazing public servants!!  This is not an anti-public school post.

We each must prayerfully discern how God is leading us in how we will raise and provide for our children, and then follow with confidence in God’s perfect love for our children.  The kids will be alright.  Amen?!

Home schooling only accounts for 3% of education in the United States, with 2.3 million students learning at home in 2016.  It is definitely the “road less traveled,” and as someone on that road, I would love to share my favorite things about home education:

I have more time to disciple my kids.

In Matthew 28:16-20, Jesus commanded us to make disciples (i.e. Jesus followers).  I often felt like our busy life pre-homeschooling impeded our ability to teach our kids about God and God’s Kingdom.  Not to mention that the weight of their peers’ voices was overpowering our own as parents.  In Deuteronomy 6:7, Moses directs us to, “Impress [the commandments] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  I have lots of friends who do a beautiful job discipling their public-schooled kids.  I am not saying it cannot be done.  All I am saying is it is easier as a homeschooling family.  

I love infusing the day with theology.  As we studied Harriet Tubman last week, I talked to my kids about liberation theology.  And I can focus on their character development.  This year, I feel like I am quoting John 4:6-8 over and over again.  “Beloved, let us love one another.  For love is of God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  He who loves not, knows not God, for God is love.  Beloved, let us love one another.”  I have first-hand access to see that this is a lesson that needs repeating…and repeating…and repeating.  This is the kind of socialization that I want for my children.

It’s a slower lifestyle.

We live in a fast-paced world and many bemoan the speed of life compared to previous generations.  When we were public-schooling our kids, they were up at 6:30, racing around to catch the bus by 7:00, and after-school activities kept them busy until dinnertime and even bedtime for older students with homework.  We had very little family time.  Now, we all get plenty of sleep and have lots of free time for chores and play, the truly important work of childhood.  If the kids are excited about a project, they have the time to enter flow and fully develop their ideas.  I can be flexible with our schedule to allow for rabbit-trails and exploration, lots of field trips and spontaneous family adventures.  While we were public-schooling, my sons never played with their little sister.  It warms my heart to see our family growing closer together through our new slower lifestyle.

Studies show that in the modern public school classroom, management, busywork, waiting, leaving and arriving, and other diversions reduce gross instructional time to around ninety minutes a day.  According to Dr. David Elkind of the University of Rochester, attention in class to single students may average, per student, only six hours per year.¹  With home education, you are able to complete your daily curriculum in much less time, freeing up much of the day for your kids to be imaginative and to participate in household chores and life.

I get to participate in my kids education.

I have a lot of fun learning along with my kids!  One of my Clifton StrengthsFinder results is Connectedness – making connections between ideas.  I have such a good time making connections between what we are learning in our curriculum and the life events that we experience outside of “school.”  The whole world becomes our classroom!

The flip-side of this coin is that there can be a lot of insecurity in homeschooling — am I doing enough with them?  Are they progressing adequately?  What am I not doing that I should be teaching them?

The truth is, home education, public schools and private schools are all imperfect.  Each scenario has pros and cons, and saying yes to some pros means accepting the corresponding cons.  But you weigh your options and decide what is best for your family and then you go forward bravely.

613b29722dcf555a4e6275004ffc5d4cIt takes time to find the homeschool style that works best for your particular kids and family.  Styles include eclectic, classical, Montessori, Charlotte Mason, unschooling, school-at-home, Waldorf, etc.  You can buy full curriculum or piece your own together. Some curriculum works better than others for different individuals.  You may try different styles year to year, or even within the same year.  A big pro in home education is having flexibility to drop things that aren’t working and to pursue new options.  Give yourself lots of grace as a budding teacher.  Think outside the box, get your kids involved in a co-op or part-time at the public school. There are countless options.

In my opinion, providing a nurturing, non-competitive, shame-free environment for education gives natural learners a place to thrive.  We cannot predict outcomes, but that can also be said of public-schooled children.

Self-directed learning sticks harder.

Our brain won’t hold onto information that it deems expendable.  When I was in school, I forgot almost everything I studied once the information was regurgitated onto a test.  Once the purpose of the information was accomplished, an “A,” I was done with it.  Not knowing that I would find that information valuable in later years, my brain didn’t file it in my long-term memory.

Kids are naturally curious about their world and are motivated to learn information to be productive and successful in life.  Each child bears the image of God and has the capacity to impact the world through creative authority.  If students have more agency to pursue areas of natural aptitude and interest, the knowledge they acquire “sticks harder.”

In a Smithsonian Report on the development of genius (cited in this article), it was found that children need three conditions for optimal development: “1) much time spent with warm, responsive parents and other adults, 2) very little time spent with peers, and 3) a great deal of free exploration under parental guidance.”  These conditions are more readily found in the home than in the classroom.

Mental health and self-image matter for life.

Children (most adults too, for that matter!) tend to judge another’s worth on three factors: beauty, intelligence, and wealth.  Janet Kizziar and Judy Hageforn, experts in the field of adolescent self-esteem, write: “The way his peers perceive him strongly influences the adolescent’s conception of himself, which generally remains unchanged throughout his life.  Peer influences are at their zenith during preadolescence and adolescence when youngsters are most inclined to feel socially, emotionally, and even intellectually inept.”²  Child psychologist Dorothy C. Briggs points out that “no child can see himself directly, he only sees himself from the reflection of others.  Their ‘mirrors’ literally mold his self image…what goes on between your youngster and those around him, consequently, is of central importance.”³

Anxiety, depression, bullying, drug use, porn use, suicide, and more are growing problems among our young people.  Attentive parents can infuse their children with a deep sense of worthiness and belonging that will give their life a firm foundation.  I don’t want peers to influence my children’s conceptions of themselves that will last for their entire lifetime.  I love Brene Brown’s Parenting Manifesto – I have it printed and hanging on my fridge.   “Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable.”

In conclusion,  As image bearers of God, every human has an amazing capacity to attain the knowledge needed to pursue their particular calling and path.  Whether our children are home or attending a school, we can nurture in them loving, generous, and brave character.  We can give them a sense of wonder at God’s amazing creation (including themselves).  I am very grateful that, at least for now, I am able to keep my kids home with me, where they have time to explore and the security to be themselves.

¹Ballman, Ray E.  The How and Why of Home Schooling  (Crossway Books; Wheaton, IL.  1995),  p. 35.

²Kizziar, Janet and Hageforn, Judy.  Search for Acceptance: The Adolescent and Self-Esteem (Chicago: Nelson-Hall, 1979), p. 2.

³Briggs, Dorothy.  Your Child’s Self-Esteem: The Key to Life (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1970), p. 2.

Here are a couple recommendations I have for parenting/homeschooling resources (Please leave your recommendations as a comment – I’d love to see them!):

  • Writings by high school teacher turned education reformer, John Holt.
  • This is an old quote, but worth considering (from the Homeschooling wiki page):

In the 1970s, Raymond and Dorothy Moore conducted four federally funded analyses of more than 8,000 early childhood studies, from which they published their original findings in Better Late Than Early, 1975. This was followed by School Can Wait, a repackaging of these same findings designed specifically for educational professionals.[46] They concluded that, “where possible, children should be withheld from formal schooling until at least ages eight to ten.” Their reason was that children “are not mature enough for formal school programs until their senses, coordination, neurological development and cognition are ready”. They concluded that the outcome of forcing children into formal schooling is a sequence of “1) uncertainty as the child leaves the family nest early for a less secure environment, 2) puzzlement at the new pressures and restrictions of the classroom, 3) frustration because unready learning tools – senses, cognition, brain hemispheres, coordination – cannot handle the regimentation of formal lessons and the pressures they bring, 4) hyperactivity growing out of nerves and jitter, from frustration, 5) failure which quite naturally flows from the four experiences above, and 6) delinquency which is failure’s twin and apparently for the same reason.”[47] According to the Moores, “early formal schooling is burning out our children. Teachers who attempt to cope with these youngsters also are burning out.” Aside from academic performance, they think early formal schooling also destroys “positive sociability”, encourages peer dependence, and discourages self-worth, optimism, respect for parents, and trust in peers. They believe this situation is particularly acute for boys because of their delay in maturity. The Moores cited a Smithsonian Report on the development of genius, indicating a requirement for “1) much time spent with warm, responsive parents and other adults, 2) very little time spent with peers, and 3) a great deal of free exploration under parental guidance.” Their analysis suggested that children need “more of home and less of formal school”, “more free exploration with… parents, and fewer limits of classroom and books”, and “more old fashioned chores – children working with parents – and less attention to rivalry sports and amusements.”[47] 

  • More Black families are choosing homeschooling to give their children an education free from discrimination.
  • A great podcast with psychologist Alison Gopnik on the Gardening vs. Carpentry models of modern parenting.

    “The idea is that if you just do the right things, get the right skills, read the right books, you’re going to be able to shape your child into a particular kind of adult,” she says.  “I think the science suggests that being a caregiver for human beings is…much more about providing a protected space in which unexpected things can happen than it is like shaping a child into a particular king of desirable adult.”

  • Sir Ken Robinson’s must-see TED Talk on education reform:

The Beautiful Kingdom Warriors is a place for empowering women to pursue their God-given callings alongside their brothers in Christ.  We post articles about gender issues in the Church and world every day on our Facebook page.  Subscribe to our blog so you never miss a post!

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On New Beginnings and Old Battles

Posted on October 3, 2017 by | 2 comments

IMG_3252Long time, no blog!  The Perrys have made it through another busy summer in touristy coastal Maine, and a month ago today, we pulled out of our driveway and headed south to central Virginia where my husband has taken a pastor position at New Beginnings Ministry. Big changes!  Although saying goodbye to our friends and church in Maine broke my heart, I am excited for the adventure of a new hometown, new friends, a year of homeschooling, new ministry opportunities, and getting back to Kingdom work here on the blog!

After so many busy months, my tank is on empty.  I am refueling with some good, nourishing books.  First, I read Jen Hatmaker’s book, Of Mess and Moxie, whose essays go from deep and convicting to belly-laugh-inducing.  Such a worthwhile buy, and I would highly recommend her podcast, if you’re into those. Second, I was thrilled to get my copy of Brené Brown’s newest book, Braving the Wilderness, a week after arriving in our new home. The timing couldn’t have been better, as I feel a bit like I’m living in the wilderness in this in-between phase of saying goodbye and not really feeling at home here yet, and also feeling the worry of being my authentic self as a pastor’s wife.  I was a pastor’s kid growing up, so the church has always been my second family, a deep love of mine, and also the source of much of my deepest pain.  I sat reading Braving the Wilderness in the bleachers while watching my sons’ football games that Saturday, shamelessly public-crying at multiple points throughout the book, as Dr. Brown demonstrates her findings on true belonging through touching and often heart-wrenching stories.

A section that has been on my mind over the past couple weeks, with the controversy over whether or not NFL players should kneel during the national anthem to protest police brutality and a criminal justice system that is rigged against people of color, was when Dr. Brown discussed the dehumanization process that is necessary for oppressive systems to subjugate others.  She describes the process as beginning with our language and escalating from there, and warns us to be vigilant against using demeaning, derogatory language towards others.  Quoting from the book:

An important example is the debate around Black Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, and All Lives Matter.  Can you believe that black lives matter and also care deeply about the well-being of police officers?  Of course.  Can you care about the well-being of police officers and at the same time be concerned about abuses of power and systemic racism in law enforcement and the criminal justice system?  Yes.  I have relatives who are police officers—I can’t tell you how deeply I care about their safety and well-being.  I do almost all of my pro bono work with the military and public servants like the police—I care.  And when we care, we should all want just systems that reflect the honor and dignity of the people who serve in those systems.

But then, if it’s the case that we can care about citizens and the police, shouldn’t the rallying cry just be All Lives Matter?  No.  Because the humanity wasn’t stripped from all lives the way it was stripped from the lives of black citizens.  In order for slavery to work, in order for us to buy, sell, beat, and trade people like animals, Americans had to completely dehumanize slaves.  And whether we directly participated in that or were simply a member of a culture that at one time normalized that behavior, it shaped us.  We can’t undo that level of dehumanizing in one or two generations.  I believe Black Lives Matter is a movement to rehumanize black citizens.  All lives matter, but not all lives need to be pulled back into moral inclusion.  Not all people were subjected to the psychological process of demonizing and being made less than human so we could justify the inhumane practice of slavery. (Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness, pp. 76-77

I love the term rehumanizing.  It sounds like a synonym for redemption, or restoration.  A biblical vision for healing and shalom.  Beautiful Kingdom Warriors have been waging an age-old spiritual battle for the rehumanization of those who have been disenfranchised, abused, subordinated and made powerless to restore to them their God-given dignity and authority as humans made in the imago Dei.  It is extraordinary that we can be partners with God in this great work of redemption!

Evil is very real and very present in our world.  Our current age is marked by conflict.  “Blessed are the peacemakers,” Jesus taught us (Mt. 5:9).  What a challenge in our day!  In order to be a peacemaker, I believe we must be good listeners, to strive to understand the perspectives of conflicting sides in order to facilitate reconciliation and peace.  Being a peacemaker involves restoring justice and shalom for all.

However, as social beings, we instinctively gravitate into tribes, and in our sinful nature, we instinctively consider our tribes to be better than others and to draw lines of inclusion and exclusion.  Yet we all belong to one race, the human race, we all bear God’s image, we are all equally loved by our Savior.  As Christians, our deepest place of belonging and identity should be in the Kingdom of God, as God’s beloved children.  We should not be so tied to a church denomination, political party, race, nation, etc. that we fail to love our neighbors (Mt. 22:39) and consider others better than ourselves (Phil. 2:3).

colin kaepernick 4

Google these names, bear witness to their stories, imagine how you would respond if these were your loved ones.

Additionally, we are told by the Apostle Paul to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). I cannot help but grieve with my black brothers and sisters when men and women and children are murdered through police brutality.  Blood cries out from the ground for justice, and God hears those cries.  We should be angry about the injustice black men and women face in our criminal justice system.  We should lament our nation’s history of dehumanizing the lives of people of color in order to become “great.”  We should fight racism and white nationalism for the evil that it truly is.  One of my favorite quotes is from the founder of Samaritan’s Purse, Bob Pierce, who prayed, “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.”  Racism surely grieves the heart of God.

The Church that I love so much has wolves in sheep’s clothing, abusers preying on the vulnerable.  On a weekly basis, I read a story of a pastor caught molesting children, or a deacon who has murdered his family.  I sometimes post these stories to TBKW Facebook page.  Some of the highest rates of domestic violence by career are in the clergy, military and police.

An example of “bad apples” in the Church from my own life is that during a three year time-frame while my family served with New Tribes Mission, three men were dismissed for sexually abusing children.  Three out of only dozens of missionaries in those contexts.  And they were dismissed, not reported for their crimes, and surely went on to harm more victims.  Injustice that grieves the heart of God.

If the Church is not immune to evil, why do we think our police force is?  There should be reform and training and consequences for abuses of position in our police force.  Yet white Evangelical Christians statistically get caught in the either/or tribes of being pro-police or pro-patriotism rather than the Kingdom vision for justice and shalom for all.  We can want what is best and safest for our police as well as for private citizens.  We can have a more nuanced position than the options that are presented to us.

I don’t really know much about Kaepernick.  But I agree that Black Lives Matter, and I protest injustice and the dehumanization of black people in our criminal justice system.

As Beautiful Kingdom Warriors, we are partnering with God in the work of restoration and healing of this broken, fallen world.  The most powerful way that we accomplish this mission is in loving God and loving our neighbors, and that extends beyond our tribes.  I am thankful to Dr. Brené Brown for the language of rehumanizing those who have been diminished by injustice.

I think this Beautiful Kingdom Warrior and American patriot has the right idea in joining the #takeaknee movement, explaining his support as “wanting to be like Jesus”:

https://twitter.com/brennanmgilmore/status/911960316220764160

“The world is broken. But God is not done yet.  God’s work of restoration is not yet finished.  This is our hope.  God is our hope.”  – Pastor Eugene Cho

Amen.

I am so happy to have you here!  Please leave a comment with your own thoughts on loving our neighbors and being peacemakers in this broken, conflict-ridden world.  I’ll approve if you’re respectful.

I have written about racial reconciliation before here.  I pray that white Evangelicals will begin to listen well to their black brothers and sisters.  I would encourage you to follow black theologians and authors, listen to their podcasts, read their articles and books; for instance, this year I have read Lisa Sharon Harper’s “The Very Good Gospel” and have listened to the podcast Truth’s Table, “Midwives of culture for grace and truth” with Michelle Higgins, Christina Edmondson, and Ekemini Uwan.

And “Like” us on Facebook!  I may not always blog, but I have a daily stream of articles from around the web that I have found to be interesting, helpful, or important for raising awareness of gender issues in the Church.

God bless and come again!

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Guest Post: For the women who have been held back because of their gender

Posted on June 7, 2017 by | Leave a comment

women

This is for all the women who have ever been held back because of her gender:

I am a woman.

Beautiful, strong, and kind.

Teacher. Leader. Educator. God lover.

Spiritual. Emotional. Trying not to be cynical.

Because there are people who don’t see me for the person that I am – inside.

They see me as one-dimensional. Daughter of Eve. High heels. Tight jeans.

Sometimes I like red lips and too much mascara.

They see my womanhood as a threat. A temptress. Seductive.

Even with 30 extra pounds and graying hair, I’m a distraction. A nuisance.

Am I a disturbance? Someone to put on a shelf. Not needed. Not appreciated. Not valued. Not included.

No.

I am feminine. I am a mother. Daughter. Friend. Human being.

My voice matters. My opinions are valuable and significant. My ideas are worthy and creative.

I am NOT Charlie Brown’s teacher – open your ears and listen.

My existence should be praised. Honored.

If my presence makes you uncomfortable, that is on you – not me.

I will not apologize for my body type and my hair length.

Women are not just curves and shapes in clothing.

We are brains, strength, power.

If you would see us for who we are, not what we look like, you could learn.

I could teach you.

You could see that we could have a seat at the table. SHOULD have a seat at the table.

The lies need to be silenced and you should awaken to the truth, that I – that women – can do and be ANYTHING.

We are enough. I am enough.

Man – YOU are enough.

If you believe that, you wouldn’t be threatened by ME.

amber braddy jone

This beautiful post originally appeared on my friend Amber Jone’s Facebook timeline, where she regularly ministers with inspiring and encouraging messages.  Her husband Dale and my husband Logan grew up together and remain close friends.  Both Amber and Dale are pastors at Forest Park Church in Elizabeth City, NC.  Her bio on their website says:  “[Amber’s] role is to provide creativity and style to Forest Park, during the weekend services and online. Amber has a passion for the Arts and is talented in many aspects, including music, drama, design, fashion, and social media. She has been singing in churches since she was eight years old and has served on Praise and Worship teams since she was a teenager. She is passionate about seeing people recognize the love and grace that is offered through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Her other passions include her family, music, Ecuador missions, friends, and shoes. Amber married the love of her life, Dale Jones, in May 2001. They both share the love of music and have ministered together through singing since they met. They both serve as Worship leaders in the FPC Worship Band. Her heart also belongs to two other guys – her sons Barrett, born in 2004, and Chandler, born in 2007. Amber earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education and was employed by the Elizabeth City Pasquotank Schools from 1999-2004. In 2004, she became a stay-at-home mom. Amber’s favorite passage of scripture is 2 Corinthians 5:17 ‘This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!'”

Her post also included this disclaimer: “This is not about the men close to me. I am surrounded in my inner circle with men who are very supportive of me and women in general.”  What a gift!

And I can’t leave this post up without also blessing you with Amber and her brother Ricky Braddy’s beautiful singing in a service at FPC (posted by their mom, of course!):

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