Tag Archives: Christian

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…

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What do you see when you look in the mirror? Go on. Go look. Ok. What was the first thought that popped into your head? Mine was, “Yikes! I need my brows waxed!” Was your similar? Why is it that? Why can’t we look in the mirror and say, “Wow. I am beautiful.” After all, isn’t that what God sees?

I get asked often as a hairdresser and makeup artist about a thousand questions about what to do with ones hair. Then that goes into what cut should I have, what style should I wear, do I need color, what makeup and hair products should I use, etc. and mind you this happens EVERYWHERE. I’m talking the grocery store, while washing your hands in a public restroom, restaurants, church, you name it. Because I am a cosmetologist I should have all the answers about beauty and how to make you more beautiful. But here’s the thing. YOU ALREADY ARE BEAUTIFIL!

I believe that we are putting way too much pressure on ourselves to be what society’s definition of beautiful is. What is that definition? Well, first advertisers make you presume that something is wrong with yourself and that they have the perfect services/products to fix you. This aggravates me. Makeup and hair should be tools of creative expression that tell the story of who you are. Not cover it up so we can spare no expense to make you look like Kim Kardashian.

In the garden of Genesis 1-2 we see that everything God creates is very good. (1:31) The Hebrew word for good is tov. It means the broadest sense of good. That what is good literally is desirable, beautiful, and pleasing. We as human beings that bear the image of God are desirable, beautiful, and pleasing just by being.

Now go back to that mirror. Ok. Now I want you to audibly speak this to yourself: I am desirable. I am beautiful. I am pleasing. See yourself dear one the way that your Creator sees you and let’s commit to stop hearing and believing lies.

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Reporting Sexual Abuse in Christian Communities

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There have been a lot of articles circulating recently from victims of sexual abuse at the hands of high-profile perpetrators.  Dylan Farrow called out her step-father Woody Allen after his recent Academy Award nomination, and Tamara Green reminded us of Bill Cosby’s many accusers, long forgotten.  I have also been following conversations from little known victims: children (grown now), who were abused while they were at boarding schools run by missionaries.

When I was 9 years old, my family moved to South America as short-term missionaries (a 2-3 year commitment) with New Tribes Missions, where my parents taught at a NTM boarding school.  While much of our experience was wonderful, the psychological, physical and spiritual abuse at the school was shocking.  My parents were labeled trouble-makers for voicing concerns and reporting abuse, and ultimately they chose not to continue as career missionaries under the circumstances.  In addition to stunningly abusive corporal punishment (i.e. “swats” with a large wooden board, with holes drilled in it, administered gleefully by a bully of a principal), there were three men, that I know of, sent home for sexually abusing children – just during that three year span of time.  Sent home, but not reported to law officials or even to their own churches.  Just sent away to plug into other ministries with children.

It is hard to believe that even today, in 2014, there is still a reluctance among many Christians to report sexual abuse.  We have seen the fallout in the Catholic Church over covering abuse up, and yet there are abusers in all denominations and organizations throughout the world.

With the advent of social media, victims of abuse from NTM schools began to connect online and share their stories.  This led NTM to hire GRACE in 2010 to investigate alleged abuse at the Fanda School in Senegal.  Here is their report stemming from that investigation.  It is a harrowing read.  They are currently investigating other NTM schools, including the school my family served at.  I am very hopeful that there will be healing for victims of abuse through this process of being heard and hopefully, of perpetrators being reported for their crimes.  Thankfully, covering up can no longer be standard procedure for NTM, as Warren Kennell learned last week.

Logan and I attended a church conference in June of last year where we heard a woman tell the story of growing up in a home wrought with physical and sexual violence.  She and her siblings were beaten, sexually abused and starved.  The turning point came when she finally, at twelve years old, had the courage to tell her Sunday School teacher, who prayed with her to forgive.  Living without bitterness made her situation bearable, and she went on to be a wife and mother and a talented Bible teacher in her church, living a normal life despite her hellish upbringing.

Her story was inspiring, but honestly, I was furious that the abuse didn’t end when she finally had the courage to tell someone trustworthy, someone in church leadership.  I wanted to scream, WHY DIDN’T HER SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER REPORT THE ABUSE!!!

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Too often, this is the reality of domestic and organizational violence against women and children, which occurs in equal measure in churches as it does in the rest of society.  The victims are nearly always silent, and if they do speak up to the leaders in their church, they are often met with disbelief, platitudes to forgive, advice to be obedient, expressed concerns for the reputation of the perpetrator and the church, etc.  Often, church leaders will opt to handle things in-house rather than report abuse and make a public issue of it.  The problem is, abuse is not only a sin, it is a crime, and it is criminal to remain silent when we have knowledge of abuse.  And allegations need to be taken seriously, as less than 5% of child sexual abuse claims are fabricated.

There was news this week that Bob Jones University fired GRACE, the organization it had hired to investigate claims of sexual abuse on campus.  This happened just weeks before GRACE’s final report was to be made public.  It would appear that BJU decided self-protection was of greater importance than protecting their most vulnerable and powerless, teenaged students.   Here is a great article about Why the BJU Scandal Will Go Away, and please take a minute to sign this petition asking BJU to rehire GRACE to complete their investigation.

Boz Tchividjian, the founder and executive director of GRACE, and Liberty University Law School professor and former child abuse prosecutor, wrote an excellent article yesterday, Christians and the Struggle to Report Child Abuse.  And Sandra Kim at everyday feminism posted this great article, 10 Ways to Talk to Your Kid About Sexual Abuse.

There is hopeful change with the advent of social media and heightened awareness and accountability, but there is still a long way to go.  Let us do what we can to protect the most vulnerable in our faith communities, first of all by ensuring that policies are in place for responding to claims of sexual abuse.  Not one allegation should go unreported.

First Image credit: Shane Claiborne quote
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Guest Post – For Women Walking Through Divorce

Tonight, Becky and Ruth are pleased to share a guest post from Theresa Brady, a friend of ours from our Facebook group.  One of the goals we had for our blog was to hear from other women about the issues they are facing.  As nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce, it is likely that this piece will touch many hearts.  Without further ado…

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Us women, walking through the pain of divorce..so alone…So painful!  Most of our well intentioned family and friends really don’t have a clue of how agonizing this really is.  Some of us say divorce is worse than death, because the one we love has not left us due to illness and is going home to Christ.  The one we love left us because he or she no longer wants to be with us!  There is no closure as there is in death!!  Just pain.

 How do we as women keep our self respect, our self worth, our ability to rise every morning to care for our children alone…always alone?  We do it with Christ walking with us, holding us up; loving us!  Giving us peace and sometimes closure.
We rise and do what we need to do every day thru the strength of Christ our Lord!  With God, prayer, and a renewed trust within ourselves, we will soon blossom!!!
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 As women walk thru the storms of divorce, it is so hard to see the beautiful strong oak trees throughout the forest.  Oak trees are the strongest and most resilient trees alive.  These trees represent the woman’s strength, and as she looks beyond the trees through the forest, there before her is a beautiful warm sunset.  The sunset is God walking with her, giving her hope for the future, for her children, and for herself!
I ask that women please, please take a moment to look through the forest at those large strong oak trees in the warm sunset and maybe for the first time through this horribleness she will smile!
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My heart is here because I have been going through this for the last year and a half!  It is a lonely lonely walk if you do it without God!
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Thank you for sharing this with us, Theresa!
Here are some resources for those facing this difficult journey: